woke

Friday Waypoints- 8/30/19

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“Get Woke!”

I’ve been hearing this a lot lately. It means something like, “open your eyes” or “don’t be naïve!” As a Social Worker, I am always mindful of social injustice, inequality, exploitation, and abuse in our world. I’d like to think that I’m “woke.” But of course, I have lots of room to grow. 

I was watching a news report this past week about the impact that sugar had on the lives of millions of African-Americans during the years of enslavement. This past Spring, my wife and I visited two plantations outside New Orleans. We left there thinking that thousands of humans were exploited, abused, and killed on these sites. I got “woke.”

I get “woke” when I see young African-American teens pulled from their cars because of the color of their skin. 

We live in a country that needs to be “woke.” It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We simply need to humbly admit that at times we treat others as a means rather than an end. And then, treat everyone the way that we would want to be treated. That’s what it means to be “woke.” 

It’s Almost September

Speaking of “Getting Woke,” you wake up and its September. 45 years ago I was standing in formation at Lackland Air Force Base in Basic Training. It seems like the other day. I am amazed at how quickly time flies. I’m sure you feel the same way. I remember asking someone what time it was that first morning, thinking that it was close to noon. It was 8:30 am. I remember thinking that the next 4 years were going to be the longest 4 years of my life. Again, that was 45 years ago. 

The lesson: spend your time doing meaningful things. That means, calling (or texting) a family member right now and telling them that you love them. 

That means, forgiving someone, right now, who has wronged you, telling your grandchildren how proud you are of them, and holding your partner just a little bit longer the next time you hug.

Life is to be lived! I’m not sure who said that, maybe Eleanor Roosevelt. To me, living life means more than just exploring and traveling and spending wisely. It means loving the people that you have in your life right now. Don’t let another day pass holding a grudge or resentment. 

Book I’m Reading- The Making of a Therapist, Louis Cozolino

There is nothing easy about training new therapists. True North Counseling has two new therapist coming on board next month: Patrice Elmore and Sharonda Tunstull! They have been MSW students with us and will now be joining us as new Certified Social Workers. I’ve given them both this book. We will spend the next 3-5 years helping them become seasoned Psychotherapists. It’s exciting and humbling! It’s what I love about what I do!

waypoints

Friday Waypoints- 06/21/19

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Being a Father

I spent some time this past week reflecting on fatherhood. I look into the mirror and more often than not, I see my father. It scares me sometimes, but not because I don’t like what I see, but because I didn’t expect to see Jerry Neese in the mirror. My father was a very handsome man. I loved seeing him put on his suit every morning to go to work. The summer after I graduated from High School, I worked with him as I waited to enter the Air Force later that Fall. I loved going to lunch with him and his staff and I was so proud to be his son. I remember the morning he drove me to the airport to travel to San Antonio to enlist. He told me that he was a little envious of me because of the the new journey that I was beginning. It’s a wonderful memory. I do not remember ever have a cross word with him. I never remember a feeling of disappointment from him.

We clinicians describe that as having a strong attachment figure. It didn’t stop at 18 years old. It continued until the day he died at 82. I remember those hugs from a 6’ 4” man. I had to step on my tippy toes to hug my father. We said that we loved each other.

John Bowby wrote, “Throughout the adult life the availability of a responsive attachment figure remains the source of a person’s feeling secure. All of us, from cradle to the grave, are happiest when life is organized as a series of excursions, long or short, from the secure base provided by our attachment figures.”

My life has been a series of long and short excursions from the secure base of my father’s (and of course my mother’s) love and acceptance. And they have been happy excursions!

Thank you Dad for being a loving, gentle and strong father for me and my brothers and sisters.

Electronic Nicotine Organization

I’ve been asked to sit on the advisory panel for Electronic Nicotine Organization. Tom Popescu recently started this organization to address the problem with Teenagers using nicotine vape pens. We will look back on these days and see them as pivotal for preventing this young generation from becoming addicted to nicotine and cigarettes. Support this organization!

Tom Popescu, the President of ENO writes, “Our goals are to: educate youth and adults of the consequences of electronic cigarettes, inform policy makers and help shape the debate, utilize social media influencers to expand awareness, counteract the marketing efforts of vaping and tobacco companies, create a support platform and resources for users who are addicted, and develop a mobile app for on demand counselors for users and research.”

Friday Waypoints- 6/14/19

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What I’m Reading

“Changing Body Composition through Diet and Exercise” by Michael Ormsbee, Ph.D.

I’m actually listening to this book on Audible. I’m on the road a lot and I spend most of this time listening to books. Ormsbee writes, “Improving body composition by losing body fat and optimizing lean is not about vanity –it’s about health.”

This book is not about losing weight. It’s about decreasing the amount of body fat in your body and it’s about insuring that you do not lose muscle mass. I like this approach because I do not want to lose weight. My BMI puts me in the overweight category, but that’s because I work out and exercise regularly. I realized years ago that you begin losing muscle mass as you age and I have worked very hard to maintain and grow muscle. I “preach” to clients, “You need to work at becoming stronger as you age.” Maintaining your lean muscle mass is one way of do this. Ormsbee does a very good job explaining the basics of nutrition and puts the focus on the right things.

What Are You Listening To?

Apple Music is introducing me to new music and helping me stay in touch with my favorites. Just hit the “For You” tab on the app and you get the option of “New Music Mix,” “Favorites Mix,” and “Chill Mix.”

Don’t underestimate the power of music in your life. Recently, I’ve been utilizing the Mindfulness Meditation that encourages you to “Step in the Feeling.” This could include “stepping into the sadness.” Most of us DO NOT like listening to “sad” music, but there can be something therapeutic about purposely sitting during a mindfulness session and “stepping into sadness” while listening to sad music.

Of course, listening to “happy and upbeat” music is important too! I’m listening to some past favorites right now and this music is conjuring up many memories associated with that music. Let music by thy medicine.

Families Want to Get Along

One of the reasons I love what I do is the desire that most families have to get along. They want to end the conflict. They come to me hoping that I can help and many times I can.

Raising teenagers is not easy! Teenagers are under a lot of pressure! Neither Parents not teens want to fight and when I see them years later, they scratch their heads and wonder why there was so much conflict.

This week, I witnessed a wonderful family following the “therapeutic map” that I laid out before them. I saw them all working together. And they left with smiles on their face because they saw something work. It keeps my compass pointed toward “True North.”

Friday Waypoints

Friday Waypoints – 05/17/19

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Mark Neese is back with another Friday Waypoints blog post. On this weeks Friday Waypoints, Mark discusses how drugs cause parents to abandon their children, why the internet is a dangerous place for teens, and he revisits The Parklands of Floyd Forks. Mark discusses his previous visit to The Parklands of Floyd Forks, a hidden gem in Louisville, KY, in his Friday Waypoints on 5/10.

Drugs and Parents that Abandon Their Kids

I’ve been working with families for about 25 years. My early career was working in the rural counties surrounding Louisville. The families that I worked with were struggling with poverty and at times intellectual disabilities. It was challenging and rewarding. Every now and then I run into one of the family members that I worked with and it is very gratifying to see them doing well these many years later.

Today things are different. I have never witnessed an epidemic as I have today: parents abandoning their children because of drugs. This past weekend was Mother’s Day and two of the teens that I work with wanted to call and talk with their mothers but were unable to contact them because they were both AWOL. Both mothers are semi-homeless and have serious drug problems. To compound the problem, one of the teens witnessed his father being taken away in an ambulance because of a suspected overdose, on the very same day. Not such a “Happy Mother’s Day.”

Meditating in The Parklands of Floyds Fork (Reprise)

I was back at the Parklands yesterday to visit the Moss Gibbs Woodland Gardens. It is the gem of the new park system. It’s beautiful, and quiet, and I anticipate spending many of my mornings there. I’m practicing Mindfulness and using guided meditations by Donald Seigel. For those interested in learning more you can visit his website for free meditation downloads: http://www.mindfulness-solution.com.

The meditation that I used yesterday while sitting in the midst of the garden was one that focused on self-compassion. During this meditation you focus on the phrases: “May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live at ease,” or “May I be safe, may I be at peace, may I be free from suffering.” You can do this while driving, walking or sitting in a quiet place in your home. The Woodland Garden offers a place to sit quietly and listen to the Towhees, wrens and Cardinals. It offers a place to be part of a forest.

The Internet is a Dangerous Place for Teens

I am working with a Teen that was nearly swallowed up by Internet. Her mother saved her. It started with the website, “Wattpad.” This is a social storytelling platform. It ended with her sending pictures of herself to perfect strangers through a group on Instagram: #ddlg. She was being groomed for something dangerous and evil.

These are adult sites and 13-year olds should not be on them! She had no clue what she was getting into.

Parents, monitor your teenagers on the internet. There are predators that will take advantage of their innocence and take it from them!

Quote I’m Pondering

“Your smile and your laughter lit my whole world.”

― Ranata Suzuki

Friday Waypoints- 5/10/19

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Mindfulness and Teens

I confess. I’m a novice in Mindfulness practices. I’ve practiced a “Zen” lifestyle for many, many years. That has involved a lifestyle that “simply experiences” rather than analyzes events and people in my life. It has involved utilizing my “peripheral vision,” something akin to intuition to navigate the journey that I’m on.

I haven’t been much of a meditator. I do a lot of thinking and ruminating while I hike, and I love that experience, but sitting in a chair and quieting my mind just never took. Through the years, however, Mindfulness has evolved and become so much more than meditation.

More recently, Mindfulness has become a clinical intervention and this past week I was able to introduce two very anxious teens to the practice. They both reported feeling better. I hope to give them skills and tools that help them well into adulthood.

The Parklands of Floyds Fork

I lived in Portland, Oregon many years ago while I attended college and was very impressed with their park system. I left there thinking that I would never experience that same commitment to parks again.

Today, I’m attending the opening of the Woodland Garden in the Broad Run section of the Parklands. I have had some sneak peeks and it is a wonderful place. When each section of the Parklands opened, I said, “This is my favorite section of the park,” until the next section opened. I’m in one of the Parks every week. I hike the trails, walk the Loop Path, and ride my bicycle and find solace there. The Parklands heal my mind and my body.

The Woodland Garden is going to be my new “Mindfulness Place,” for doing Forest Therapy.

Kids Don’t Feel Safe, and It’s Taking Its Toll

Another school shooting happened this week. It barely made the news. Perhaps the media is becoming numbed to these shootings. What a horrible, tragic, and sad event!!

Our children are being killed, and across the country others are being severely traumatized. I was listening to the stories that they were telling about this last shooting in Colorado. A 12-year old picked up a bat in the midst of the shooting and was ready to lead the charge against the shooters. My heart goes out to every child in that school and every 6th grader that feels that they have to defend themselves because the adults somehow failed them. I don’t have any simple answers to prevent future shootings, but I know that these children are being scarred and injured in ways that will change them forever. What will heal them and help them is talking about the trauma in a safe place with a trusted adult who cares for them and has the caring skills to mend their emotional wounds.

Friday Waypoints- 5/3/19

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Lessons from My Clients

Mindfulness can help. I am working with several teenagers and my hope is that I can give them tools to help them live life skillfully. Mindfulness can help. I often think that if I can come up with the perfect combination of words for my clients, then they’ll listen and get better. But of course, it’s not that simple. Brandon is a 16-year old adolescent that is struggling with OCD behaviors. I’m learning that Mindfulness helps when words don’t. I’m helping him retrain his anxious brain through deep breathing and mantras. I’m learning that my anxious brain needs some retraining as well. I need reminded again and again. Thank you, Brandon.

Book I’m Reading- “Self-Compassion,” by Kristin Neff Ph.D.

I was introduced to this book while listening to some lectures about mindfulness. What struck me, is the sense of disappointment that hangs over many of our heads. Maybe this is an echo of the voices from our past. Regardless, we are usually our harshest critic.

Self-compassion is the remedy for self-judgment. “Insecurity, anxiety, and depression are incredibly common in our society,” writes Neff, “and much of this is due to self-judgment, to beating ourselves up when we feel we aren’t winning in the game of life.”

Quote I’m Pondering

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

-Anonymous

Road Trip This Week

I’m in Colorado this week visiting my granddaughters. I drive out once a year just to experience the road. It keeps my grounded. I love the convenience of flying, but I need the experience of driving. I use the time to listen to books, podcasts, and music. And I use the time to think. There is something in the hiking world called “Trail Dissociation.” If you’ve done a long hike or backpack trip, you know what I mean. Your mind wanders. The same thing happens when I do a road trip. I think and think, and think about lots and lots of things in no particular order or fashion. It is like meditation and I feel like it’s a “reset.” My body pays for the long trips but my mind reaps the benefits!

 

Friday Waypoints- 3/29/19

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Spring!!!!

I was counting down the minutes. In my home I surround myself with pictures of trees, leaves, birds, and landscapes, but nothing brightens my spirits like the beginning of Spring. I felt better at 5:58 PM this past Wednesday. “Behold, my friends,” spoke Sitting Bull, “the Spring is come; the earth has gladly received the embraces of the Sun, and we shall soon see the results of their love.”

I think everyone experiences a little Seasonal Affective Disorder during the Winter months. To combat it, I get out and hike, walk and sit in the Sun. I stay busy with work and play. But still, I drag around in late February and early March.

I want to feel the heat of the Sun and take in its rays. We forget that we are solar-powered. Elon Musk has pointed out.

“What most people know but don’t realize they know is that the world is almost entirely solar-powered already. If the sun wasn’t there, we’d be a frozen ice ball at three degrees Kelvin, and the sun powers the entire system of precipitation. The whole ecosystem is solar-powered.”

Spend time this Spring getting energized by the Sun. We’ll get an extra minute or two each day to enjoy.

Moving and the Art of Throwing Things Away

I hate moving and I had to move this past week. I’m sure you hate moving too! But moving presents us with the opportunity to get rid of some of the things that we have collected over the years, things that we do not want or need.

When I move, I usually order a dumpster and I begin throwing things away. Don’t get me wrong, I never get rid of family photos or keepsakes, and I don’t throw away things that other people can use. I load up bags and give them to a charity organization. But somethings need to be thrown away.

Here is the principle that I use: If I haven’t seen it, used it, worn it, or thought about it for the past 5 years (you pick the time frame), I get rid of it.

I get rid of it and feel lighter. I feel better. That’s the Art of Throwing Things Away!

What I’m Reading

I’m reading a couple of books on adolescent sexuality. The first is “Puberty, Sexuality and the Self: Girls and Boys at Adolescence,” by Karin martin. Martin interviewed 55 teenagers to analyze the effects of puberty on sexuality for teens.

The Second book is “Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends,” by Susan Moore and Doreen Rosenthal. They look at the current trends and research affecting healthy maturation in teens.  I believe that it’s very important for Therapists and Counselors that work with teens to understand the cultural pressures that they face in their growth as humans and this includes human sexuality. Most of the teens that I see struggle with their sexuality. They need our help!

Friday Waypoints- 02-21-19

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Podcast I’m Listening to

I’ve been a big fan of Sam Harris because of the work he’s done on Mindfulness. He has an app called “Waking Up” and a Podcast entitled, “Making Sense.” This past week the podcast episode #147 was an interview with Stephen Fry. Fry is an English actor, comedian, writer and activist. If you’ve listened to the Harry Potter books, it’s his voice you will hear.

Harris and Fry spend much of this podcast talking about mindfulness and meditation. There are literally thousands of podcasts to listen to while you’re driving.  If you’re looking for a few to follow, consider these:

  • Optimal Health Daily
  • The Daily Meditation Podcast
  • Happiness Podcast
  • Meditate and Move
  • Optimal Living Daily
  • Stoic Meditations

Lessons from My Clients

Most of my practice has been with Teenagers and their families. What I have observed and seen with many of these teens is that life can be a struggle. In fact, it can overwhelm them. Many are experiencing anxiety and mild depression and they can’t seem to shake it. It’s partly due to social media and technology, but it’s mostly due to cultural influences. What I mean by that is the that teens are affected by the things we value and spend our time doing. Teenagers today are under a lot of stress. They struggle with finding meaning in life. Life is getting more and more complicated at home, at school, in the community, and with peers.

What I relearned this past week is that sometimes our teens simply need to talk to someone about their worries and fears. I saw the burden lifted as a wonderful young man simply talked and I listened.

I Lost a Good Friend This Past Week

There are few things that bring things into perspective like losing a lifelong friend. Life really is short. Without going into details, most of my adolescence was coupled with him. I admired him, I never felt judgment from him. We supported each other through our hardships, but these past few years he was in unbearable pain.

I am sad for many reasons. This is a great loss for many people. He was an intelligent man and for many years, was full of life. I will miss him.

And as we do with many of our losses, we live with them. I will live with this loss.  I will live. “Life is to be lived,” as the saying goes. And it is short and fragile. Remembering that, and remembering my dear friend’s life, will hopefully inspire me as it did when he was alive.

 

Friday Waypoints- 02/15/19

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Book I’m Reading

“Spirituality is waking up,” writes Anthony De Mello in his book “Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality.” He then follows with, “Most people, even though they don’t know it, are asleep.” Wow, that got my attention!

I have been fascinated and intrigued with different definitions of spirituality, most because it is difficult to define. I like De Mello’s definition. I’m not sure where this book is leading me, but I’m open to it. I’ll never grow, or should I say wake up, without an openness and curiosity about life and mysteries it has waiting for us.

My Circle of Friends

A friend commented that, “our circle is getting smaller.” She meant, of course, our circle of friends. It wasn’t a negative statement or observation. I think she meant that as we get older, our friendships become more intentional. I remember hearing this for the first time from a mentor while in graduate school. Dr. Timothy Johnson talked about the need to divest ourselves from the clutter and things that we have collected during our life.  

This week I decided to “let go” of a couple of friends from my past. There is a peace that comes from this process. Maybe it makes things simpler and after all, who doesn’t crave simplicity. But in fact, you don’t really need all the friends that you have. Many aren’t really friends. I’m not talking about bad people. The two people that I “un-friended” are wonderful people. They are fellow pilgrims and struggle to live out their lives with all of the the noise and chaos that it presents. Maybe we outgrew each other. It’s now a smaller circle of friends, real friends.

On a Much Lighter Note

I spent time this week preparing for a slide presentation of my trips to Canyonlands National Park. The presentation will be at Quest Outdoors on Shelbyville Road, on March 7th, at 7 pm. My first trip there was 11 years ago when I did a 10-day road trip through Utah. I did a drive-by visit that first time, but I fell in love with the place. Since then, I’ve explored the canyons and slip rock numerous times and I hope to introduce you to a very special place.

Friday Waypoints- 02/01/19

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My Choice of Music this Morning-

Sometimes I need music to comfort me. Most therapists experience a lot of chaos in their work from week to week. I’m sure you can imagine. With new therapists that I train, I preach a lot about “self-care.” I encourage them to do the things that help them decompress and recharge. That could be going to the movies, hanging out with their friends and family members, reading mystery novels, exercising, as well as enjoying hobbies, crafts, and yes, music. One of the best gifts anyone has given me over the past decade or two was from my son, Trevor, who left me his iTunes music library when he left to live in Colorado. I couldn’t believe what I was listening to. Wonderful music. It changed my life. Who hasn’t listened to “Tables for Glass,” by Jimmy Eat World, and hasn’t been changed? “It happens too fast, to make sense of it, to make it last.” Life does happen too fast!

And on this cold winter morning, I’m listening to Libera. This is a Boys Choir. And at this moment, I’m listening to Voca Me. And my psyche, my soul, is being soothed. It’s mostly in Latin, but the sounds and the harmony comfort me.

Book I’m Reading-

I’ve been reading “Finally Full, Finally Slim,” by Lisa R. Young PhD this week. I was intrigued by the description of her book in the New York Times article, For Real Weight Control, Try Portion Control.”

I have often thought that one of the problems that we experience in this country is the size of our portions. It has been my firm belief that utilizing a “½ portion size” method is a very effective weight-loss strategy. In other words, consider the portions that you want and halve them. The same approach can work in a restaurant. Split your meal with someone else. Lisa Young does a pretty good job of emphasizing the fact that portion sizes have grown dramatically over the decades and we need to consider downsizing them. She also points out that it isn’t just the size of the portions, it’s the type of calorie that we are eating. Most of the book is common sense and there isn’t a lot of new information in it, but it’s worth reminding ourselves that we are eating too much!

Ice Ribbons and Geodes-

I couldn’t wait to get back home from my trip to Colorado to spend time with my peeps and get into the Jefferson Memorial forest. My hike this past weekend seemed to lift all of the travel burdens and all of the weight of local and national news. Hiking isn’t for everyone, but for me, it’s my therapy, my church, my muse, my meditation, and my support group. I look forward to hiking in it for the next 30 years (I will be 92!).

For those of you that are familiar with Christian Scriptures, there is the parable of the farmer that is plowing in the field and comes across a treasure and sells everything to buy the field. At times, I feel like that farmer while hiking in the Jefferson Memorial forest. At times I find bird feathers along the trail from turkeys, crows, blue jays and hawks. Their little gifts to me. The geodes in the streams are exciting to find, take home and crack open. And in the winter months, the Ice Ribbons bloom. They are so delicate and beautiful. I see one and get excited because I know there are likely many more. I was not disappointed this past weekend.