True North Counseling, Healthy Aging Series, Super Agers

How to be a Super Ager | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E21

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My Parents Loved Books

My mother taught me to love books. She was reading all the time. The first book she gave me was a copy of Mila 18 by Leon Uris.  I was a Junior in High School, and I would sit in the back of Government Class and read it during class. Sorry Mr. Chambers.

When my parents were aging, we would visit them and would see books stacked everywhere in their home. Mostly books on religion. It was never a problem deciding what to get mom or dad as birthday gifts.

I love books. Not like I love my wife, or my sons, but I love books. My office is full of books. They are a reflection of me in the same way that my clothes reflect me. I have theological books that reflect my three theological degrees. I have clinical books. Books on Analytical Psychology and Carl Jung that reflect that part of my journey. I have fitness books that reflect my life in my late 50s. I wanted to be fit. There are books in my office on hiking trails. I have close to 100 books that reflect where I’ve been and where I want to go.

The Aging Brain

This season is on the aging brain and ways to take care of your brain. Have you noticed that there are older people that seem to defy aging?

You’ve probably heard of the term “Active Agers.” It’s used to describe people in their 60s, 70s, and 80s, that well, stay active. You see them in the malls walking in their Hokas. Some are part of a group called Silver Sneakers. I ran into some Active Agers in the Jefferson Forest with their day packs and they’re trekking poles. I love seeing older hikers, because I’m an older hiker.

Super Agers

There’s a new term that I see more often to describe Active Agers and it’s the term  Super Ager. A Super Ager is someone in their late 70s or 80s that has the cognitive fitness of someone in their 40s or 50s. There aren’t a lot of Super Agers. Generally speaking, they aren’t just mentally fit, but also physically fit. That makes sense. Healthy body, healthy brain equals mental fitness. There is bad news about the aging brain. The older you get, the smaller your brain gets. Here’s the good news: researchers have discovered that Super Agers have larger brains. So, can anyone become a Super Ager? Wouldn’t you like to be a Super Ager; someone who is 80 or 90 with the mental and cognitive fitness of a 40 or 50-year-old? How does a person avoid shrinkage? You know, brain shrinkage?

How to Become a Super Ager

The Three Things You Can do to be a Super Ager

Exercise. What kind of exercise should you be doing? Every kind! Move! There is a lot of research that recommends moderate-level cardio exercise. Your exercise does not have to be extreme. Getting your heart rate up over 100 is very important. I’m sure you’ve heard of HITT exercises (High Intensity Interval Training). Doing high intensity exercises are beneficial but not necessary. You can do MITT exercises (Moderate Intensity Interval Training). Think hills. The reason you lose muscle is mostly because you quit using your muscles. Yes, there are other issues like a decrease in testosterone and nutritional issues, like the decrease in intake of protein. But by and large, older adults lose muscle because of inactivity. It’s called Sarcopenia. I’m going to write about that next season when I do a season on the aging body.

BDNF is your BFF. I originally wanted to call this episode “BDNF is your BFF.” What is BDNF? Its Brain Derived Neurotrophic Factor. It’s a protein growth factor that plays a crucial role in brain development and neuroplasticity. It’s essential for learning and memory. Infants have very high levels of BDNF, which makes sense because their brains are growing exponentially in those early years. As we age, it’s important to preserve brain integrity and brain fitness. There are lots of things that we can do to increase the production of BDNF and one of the simplest ways of doing this is… drumroll… exercising. Nutrition obviously plays a role, but exercise promotes the increase of BDNF which promotes brain growth.

Nutrition. There is no doubt that increasing polyphenols like blueberries as well as increasing your omega-3 oils found in fish oils and avocados, and following the MIND Diet, which I described in an earlier episode. If you want to increase the BDNF in your brain, then eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Eat real food.

Mental Exercise and Cognitive Reserve. I’m also convinced that if you are mentally active and exercise your brain, you can prevent the loss of brain volume, which will maintain what some call Cognitive Reserve. What is Cognitive Reserve? Think, extended life battery. Super Agers have extended life batteries. If you want to be a Super Ager, make BDNF your BFF. Use it or lose it.
Super Agers have bigger brains because Super Agers use their brains a lot.

What kind of mental exercises promote cognitive reserve? Let me suggest three ways to train your brain. I have gathered this information from the Harvard Medical School Special Health Report, “A Guide to Cognitive Fitness.” I highly recommend these special health reports.

“Ideally you want to start stockpiling cognitive reserve in your youth,” they write, “and continue the process throughout your lifetime. Almost everything you do can become mental exercise if you pay attention to it and try to get better at it. Three guiding principles, the cardinal rules of mental stimulation will help you achieve this.”

First, try something new. Continually expand your horizons by trying new experiences that fall outside your comfort zone. Things like a painting class, learning a new skill such as gardening, a new language or a musical instrument.

Second, challenge yourself. If you have a favorite activity, continue to increase the level of difficulty of that activity. This will build cognitive reserve.
Your cognitive workout should be progressively more difficult the way that your Personal Trainer works with you in the gym. You start with the easy stuff like body-weight exercises and progressively move to light weights, then the heavy stuff. 

Third, keep introducing new activities to maximize your mental workouts. I love their suggestion of travel. Visiting a new place can yield lots of rewards this manual suggests.
You have the chance to interact with new people, gain new experiences, and visit sites you’ve previously seen only in books or on television. This health report also suggest trying new puzzles, learning a new language, trying new card games and boardgames, watching plays, films, concerts, and going to museums. I am regularly seeking out new types of music.

If you want to be a Super Ager, you have to work at it.

People don’t become Super Agers by accident. They developed a lifestyle that promotes cognitive reserves, which in turn, produces brain growth.

Schedule learning opportunities for yourself every week. Try to avoid those very passive learning experiences like phone-scrolling or watching television. Those aren’t horrible things to do. They just don’t improve your cognitive reserve in the same way that mental exercise does.

I have mentioned many times throughout my writing and in my practice that you have to prepare for the last 10 years of your life. Being a Super Ager is just one way of doing that.

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.

Healthy Aging Series Season 10 Episode 20

How to Parent Your Parent | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E20

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You are your parents! Well, not exactly, but your parents will determine who you are and what you do for almost your whole life. Mostly.

How do you feel about yourself? Thank your parents.
How do you save or spend money? Thank your parents.
What kind of car do you drive? Thank your parents. (And how you drive that car.)
How about your attitude about pets, politics, Public Schools, or your love of reading, and music? Thank your parents.

Mostly.

Roots and Wings

We called those things roots. That’s the first of two parenting tasks that need to be accomplished when raising your children. The other is wings. You know, pushing older adolescence out of the nest. Forcing them to become independent, self-sufficient, self-determined. 

Both are equally important. Think about the process of developing roots and wings and how it binds you to your parents. It’s impossible to overstate the connection you have with your parents, not to mention the genetic connections. Skin color, height, weight, left-handedness, your dislike of peas and carrots, or cilantro.

The connection that you have with your parents is physical, spiritual, religious, social, and affects everything including your likes and dislikes, even if you are estranged from them. It’s impossible to disentangle.

The Ties that No Longer Bind

Now imagine watching that connection slowly fade into nothing. Imagine the parent who made you who you are, imagine them regressing into someone who has no idea who you are, and for that matter, they have no idea who they are. Regressing is too kind of a word to describe what happens to someone when they develop Alzheimer’s Dementia.

Watching the parent who helped you developed these deep roots and helped you launch into this scary world, watching them, over the course of eight to sometimes 10 years, unbecoming your parent. It’s disheartening and devastating.

I have chosen two books to share and close out my discussion on Alzheimer’s Dementia. Caregivers have written both of these books.

The first is “Walking with Fay,” by Carolyn Birrell. The second is “A Dignified Life: The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s Care,” by Virginia, Bell and David Troxel.

“Walking with Fay” is the eight-year journey that Fay’s caregiver, Carolyn her daughter, takes with her mother who has Alzheimer’s.

It is a story where Carolyn is forced to become the parent of her parent. It is like parenting in reverse. Slowly Fay becomes that newborn-blank slate. That’s what happens with people with Alzheimer’s. They become a helpless, needy, completely dependent human, minus the hope that you experienced when you held that bundle of joy in your arms in the delivery room.

For Fay and Carolyn, the walk was a 7-to-8-year journey through the slough of despair. Like a slow-motion accident being played on a loop. There was nothing Carolyn could do. No veering away or pumping the brakes. If you read “Walking With Fay,” you’ll notice that Carolyn did all the right things.  She read lots of books about Alzheimer’s Dementia and books for caregivers. She attended an Alzheimer’s Support Group. She had personal friends, and she developed relationships with people who helped share her burden. Eventually, she let go and placed Fay in a memory care facility.

I’ll share a few of her emotional experiences through the process of letting go. Read each word.

“Things seem to be moving faster. Her changes are more perceptible. It becomes increasingly easy for me to leave her after each visit. Her sense of time is distorted now, and I’ve found that I can simply reach over for a quick squeak or a kiss on the head and say, “OK mom I’m going now, and I’ll be back tomorrow!”. Gone are the days when I’d begin preparing my exit strategy well in  advance of my departure and  agonizing over that sort of interrogation I received this time. I no longer had to sweat through some story about somewhere I needed to be or the prospect that I had to get things done.”

“I functioned on the level based on my interpretation of what a good daughter should do, not what a loving one would. My visits were born from: I need to ensure my mother was safe. If I missed a day, the anxiety I suffered was nearly unbearable. But I really experience a feeling of longing for my mother‘s actual company and was very aware of its absence. The emotional punishment I handed down to myself for that was relentless.”

“Dementia is dementia, as far as my mother is concerned. I understand there are different nuances among the types, but it doesn’t matter much to me which kind she has. Whether her behaviors resemble someone with Alzheimer’s, Lewy Body disease, Frontal Lobe, or Vascular Dementia, I don’t feel the need to know anymore, and I don’t need to distress her any further to find out. She’s confused, she’s often unsettled, and she’s very suspicious. That’s enough for me to know more than anything for me to manage.”

“My mother was a shell. She was locked away in a confined area of what felt like an insane asylum, and I was the one who put her there. Again, it didn’t matter that I arranged safe shelter for her with more intensive care when she needed it, all I could see were my mistakes, and this one was just another decision.”

“I usually cried a little on the way home. It’s no longer about my hurt feelings over something she said to me, since she no longer speaks, but more over her decline. It is so pronounced now that it’s impossible for me to leave our visits any way, but incredibly sad.”

Walking with Fay was painful and exhausting, like a walk through a desert valley. Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. It’s supposed to hurt when you watch someone, not someone, your parent, dissolve, or rather become the opposite of what they were. They go from being your someone, to something else. I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way. I would strongly advocate for compassionate care and kindness for those going through Alzheimer’s, but there’s little of them left at the end. And many caregivers anticipate a peaceful end.

That was the walk with Fay. Fay had changed. Carolyn had changed. And I had changed, too.

Maybe there was a little synchronicity in my choice of other selection that I read for caregivers. “A Dignified Life,” written by Virginia Bell and David Troxel, from Lexington, Kentucky, provides a wonderful alternative to the parenting model when caring for someone with Alzheimer’s dementia. It addresses the painful process of becoming a parent to your parent with dementia. “Consider being a friend,” they suggest.

Parenting an Adult Child with TBI

As a sidenote, I’ve spent much of my professional life working with persons with brain injuries. In those cases, where adult children experience a brain injury, often they lose their guardianship, forcing their parents to  become their guardians. Parents find themselves in a very conflicted relationship with someone that was living on their own, a source of pride and joy.
Imagine having a 27-year-old son or daughter, injured in an automobile accident and now you help manage their life. You are forced to take a parenting role over them. In many situations,  these relationships become very conflicted. The brain injured 27-year-old does not want to be treated like a child. It’s a tough situation. How to provide supervision without sounding like a supervisor. The real issue is how to support your injured adult son or daughter without sounding like a parent.

Parenting Your Parent Like a Friend

I think that’s what “A Dignified Life,” is getting at. And so, they’ve chosen a different model. Stop acting and sounding like a parent to your parent. Instead, this program asks you to rethink  your relationship with a person you care for and become that person’s best friend.

“Adopting a best friend approach,” they write, “can help diminish the pain and loss you feel about your situation. It can restore a sense of fun, support, good communications, and help you overcome the bad days, and teach you ways to encourage activity. Dementia has changed the relationship you have always had with your family member or friend Memories are lost and routines disrupted, but a best friend approach helps you build a new kind of relationship. They can also be healing. “Mom is now my friend,” one care partner told us. “She doesn’t exactly remember who I am, but we are having more fun than ever as best girlfriends.”

Bell and Troxell’s manual goes into a lot of detail. I encourage you to read the book. Here are the bullet points of the Best Friends Model.

Friends know each other’s personality and history.
Friends do things together.
Friends communicate.
Friends build self-esteem
Friends laugh together
Friends are equals.
Friends work at the relationship.

This is only a thumbnail sketch of this program and they’ve written a lot and provide trainings on how to do the best friend approach, but I think it’s an approach that is worth pursuing.

The Kind and Just Parent

Years ago, I read an excellent book by William Ayres, entitled “A Kind, and Just Parent.“
Ayres was an educator. His book is about two men who worked with children and teenagers convicted of serious crimes, who had been incarcerated in a detention center called Audy House, in Chicago, Illinois.

Here is the lesson learned from supervising teens: Take the power out of the relationship.
I think that’s what The Best Friends Approach attempts to do. It seems to me that the biggest challenge that you will face overseeing your parents with Alzheimer’s is the power struggles, and caregiver burnout. 

Maybe the Best Friends Approach helps with both of these dilemmas. I guess the lesson gleaned from these two books is, if you end up parenting your parent with Alzheimer’s, try not to act and sound like a parent.

This is my last dementia memoir. I’ve shared many and they can take their toll on your psyche, witnessing all of the trauma. But for me they were necessary.

I have two more episodes left for this season. The next is about Super Agers, and then the finale.

Take care.

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.

Mark Neese, True North Counseling, Healthy Aging Series, It's All About the Engine

Your Brain on Nature | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E19

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I hate the State Fair!

It’s hot. I hate the rides. Rommie, my wife, loves the quilts. OK, I enjoy the photography. But overall, I hate going to the State Fair. I don’t think I even took my boys when they were young. I don’t remember them even asking to go.

I don’t know, it’s just not my thing. I love the food, but none of it is good for you. Elephant ears, really? When I think about the Fair, I think of concrete, big air-conditioned exhibit halls, and then there are the hordes of people.

OK, so you love the State Fair. To each, their own.

What I do love is what I’m doing right now. It’s Sunday, September 8 at 6:17 PM. I’m sitting by a campfire in the Daniel Forest National Forest, 3 miles from the Rough Trail parking area. Just me. This is the first night of the two-nighter. The Gorge is dead (nobody is here), but it’s Sunday and I’m sure it was rocking on Friday and Saturday. I have some service on my phone, so I’m not completely unplugged from people or social media. But still, I love it. I go to the same primitive site not far from the suspension walk-bridge over the Red River. It’s remote. No people. Quiet. Actually, if I stop and listen, I hear like lots and lots of flies or bees swarming in my campsite. The sun is setting soon. I’m in a small valley, so it gets dark earlier here. And then I hear a Flicker. Loudmouth. You can’t completely escape the sounds of civilization. I hear occasional truck traffic on Tunnel Ridge Road, and then there’s the ubiquitous air traffic.

Time seems to slow down out here, out in nature.
I have four or five books in my library, that I’ve read over the past couple years, about being in the forest.
Forest therapy. Forest Bathing. A book about getting children into the woods.
I have one on Kindle that I finally got to. “Your Brain on Nature.” by, Eva Selhub and Alan Logan, both medical doctors. I want to share the two main points in this book about your brain:

First, all the screen time, all the concrete, all the crowdedness, all the problems you face and solve, and all of civilization, take their toll on you and your brain.
Stop and think about this for a second. Think about all of the things in our modern civilization and the toll that those things take on your psyche. All of the good stuff and all the bad stuff. They wear on us.

I didn’t walk away from reading this book thinking that modern culture and modern society is bad. They just take a toll on us.

Second, the answer to all these problems, all of the stressors, all the concrete, and all of the traffic, is nature.

Nature changes us. “Deny nature,” they write, “and we humans risk denying a vital part of our heritage.” Remember we are nature.

“Your Brain on Nature,” is full of references from studies that support these claims. I’m not going to wade through all of these studies. I encourage you to read their book.

I don’t think it takes a genius or a PhD in psychology to realize that living in this modern world negatively affects our mood, our thoughts, and our spirits, and by extension,  our brain.
I have asserted throughout the course of my life that, our body and our mind are so closely connected that they catch each other‘s diseases. Think about the effects of driving through traffic. In the same way, commuting through the highways and byways of life affects our neurotransmitters. 

I believe that being in a stressful setting for a lengthy period of time can create imbalances in neurotransmitters and can lead to clinical anxiety and depression. That’s your brain on technology, concrete, and modern stressors.

 “Your Brain on Nature” promotes the restorative effective nature. What do they mean by nature? Pretty much everything that comes from the natural world. 

Plants, which would include trees and even house plants. 

Nature includes animals, which, of course are our pets. I spent a good portion of my adolescent years birding. There’s no question that it had a restorative effect during my life. 

Waterways, which include lakes and streams and rainstorms are part of nature. 

Places like parks which include deserts, mountains, and beaches. 

Nature also includes all the sounds and smells and textures that come with those places. Here is the advice from “Your Brain on Nature.”

Spend as much time outside as you can, away from the hustle and bustle of daily living in a busy modern world. Being in nature will restore you. Being in nature, surrounding yourself with nature, bathing in nature, and immersing yourself in nature will restore you and heal your brain.

The writers went so far as to say that nature can even ameliorate, which is just a fancy word for improve, some ADHD symptoms, especially with children.

Read the book.

The section of the book that I was particularly drawn to was about Green Exercise, exercising outdoors. Makes sense to me. If exercise is good for you and your brain, and if the forests and nature are good for you and your brain, then how much better if you do them together! I have a weight room in my basement with cardio equipment that I rarely use, because I do all of my cardio outside!!! Unless it’s too hot, too cold, too wet, or too much snow.

My favorite Green Exercise is hiking. Question: How do you get started with hiking?

I’ll share some strategies that I wrote in a previous blog for Hiking 101. Here they are:

  1. Find a park that has trails and maps of those trails. Louisville has lots and lots of parks with trails and maps as well. I hike in the Jefferson Memorial Forest and in the Parklands. Maps are available online or at the visitor center at the Jefferson Memorial Forest. Trail maps for Parklands are typically at the kiosks at the entrances of the park. There is the Bernheim Forest, KY and Hoosier National Forest in Indiana. There’s the Daniel Boone National Forest and the Red River Gorge in the eastern part of the state of Kentucky. I just Googled places to hike in Kentucky and there are many, many hits. There is no excuse not to hike in Kentucky.

    2. Start easy and progress to harder trails. That means starting with short trails and trails with less elevation. Trails are usually, but not always, posted as easy, moderate, or difficult. I would suggest flat or no elevation trails that are 2 miles or less for your first hike. Move at a 30 minute per mile pace. You should finish in one hour.

    3. Buy some gear.

You’ll need a day pack and some water bottles.
Shoes and socks. I always wear smart wool or acrylic socks, and I buy most of my shoes from Quest for the Outdoors. Don’t buy the most expensive shoes but don’t buy the cheapest shoes.

Take with you in your daypack: 

Ziploc baggies in case it rains
Take an umbrella in case it rains
You’ll need insect repellents, mostly for chiggers that you’ll need to put on your ankles
You need a map.
You’ll need clothing that is determined by the time of year. I buy most of all my clothing at Walmart, Target, and, at Meijer’s. It’s cheaper and good quality wicking material.
I use a smart watch to track my hikes. I use a Fitbit because its app works better for me.
I take a headlamp, especially if I’m going to be hiking in the evenings.
Take some snacks, which typically consist of energy bars.

4. There are lots of hiking groups for hiking and a variety of experience within those groups, so you won’t feel uncomfortable or intimidated. I did a Google search of “hiking groups near me” and found nine groups with links to each group.

5. Get out and enjoy the trails. Hike for your mental and physical health. Some of my most relaxing and creative times have been on the trails. Learn to love the hills. If you hike in Kentucky or Southern Indiana, you will encounter hills. They are your friends. Hills are the HITT experience in the woods.

You can imagine that I would be attracted to Green Exercise. I do it all the time.

My advice is to get outside this week. If you have mobility issues, sit in the sun. 

My wife and I decided to eat breakfast on our deck one morning this past week and we watched the sun come up.
Nature.
I did a three day backpacking trip in the red river Gorge
Nature.
I took a 45 minute walk in Broad Run Park
Nature.
I loved on Hansel, our beautiful kitty.
Nature.
I listened to David Mead’s album, “Arboretum.”
That’s nature too.

Get away from the hustle and bustle

Let nature heal you.

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.

Mark Neese, Healthy Aging Series, True North Counseling

The Unluckiest Lottery | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E18

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I Got Lucky

I almost burned down a church once. Okay, okay, relax. It was an accident. I was the pastor of a little Baptist church in Arch, New Mexico. That was forty years ago.

One of my duties as the young pastor was to baptize new converts. The baptistry was behind the pulpit area and needed to be filled and heated with, basically, a heating element from a hot water heater. I filled it and heated it. No problem. But later, when I drained it, I failed to turn off the heater and it, well, it melted onto the fiberglass baptistry. Even I knew that it could have caused a fire. I got lucky.

I replaced the heating element, patched the fiberglass and held my breath. No one noticed. I got lucky. This is the first time I’ve shared this story. 

I’ve told the story already about winning $12K playing 3-Card Poker, but that’s the extent of my luckiness with gambling.  I’ve played the Powerball many times. No luck. Honestly, I’m not sure what I’d do with all that money. I’ve seen it ruin lives.

My Father’s Brain

I’ve been writing about the aging brain this season, which is entitled, “It’s All About The Engine.” More recently, I’ve been writing about Alzheimer’s Dementia. I want to share some unlucky numbers that I gleaned from two books. One of the books is a dementia memoir written by a caregiver and it’s entitled, “My Father’s Brain,” by Sandeep Jauhar. The other book is entitled, “Ahead of Dementia,” by Luciana Mitzkun, which is a step-by-step guide for family caregivers.

Alzheimer’s Unlucky Lottery Numbers

First, let’s look at the unlucky numbers: 6, 1, 10, 65, 15, and 2050

Here’s what they stand for: Currently, there are 6 million individuals diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in our country. That’s 1 in 10 over 65 years old have Alzheimer’s, and there will be 15,000,000 by 2050.

Part of the reason for the increase over the next 25 years is because people are living longer. There have been some minor advances in treatment, but the problem with Alzheimer’s is, once you develop the symptoms, they are irreversible.

Let’s look at the books.


“My Father’s Brain” is the heartbreaking story of Sandeep Jauhar’s journey through his father’s Alzheimer’s and more accurately the journey he and his siblings experienced. This is the disease that stole their father.

I’ve organized this episode into three major points: conflict, communication, and confusion.

Conflict

It was painful, watching the conflict between Sandeep and his siblings. Like all families, they loved their father and were grieving their loss as he slowly slipped away, but they all had different ideas of what his care should look like. They argued often. They argued with each other about telling fibs or white lies. I’ll talk about that under the communication section below. Things devolved.

That night we met for dinner at his house. My father was in my mother’s old recliner in the living room quietly watching TV, while the rest of the family, including my sister, who flown in from Minneapolis, was seated at the dining table. Midway through the dinner, he finally spoke. “Where is your mother?” he said. He hadn’t mentioned her in months. My brother quickly got up. “Mom isn’t here,” he said. “Where is she? my father demanded. I put down my utensils and went over to him. “Dad,” I said quietly kneeling beside him. “Mom died three years ago.” He looked at me like I was crazy. “She flew with me to this place one month ago,” he cried. “Call the airline. Ask them. There was a passenger. What happened to her?”

They argued about if and when to place their father in a nursing home. They argued about how to handle palliative care, whether to provide an IV saline solution when he was refusing to eat or drink. They decided, with a help of a hospice nurse to withhold it, and he died a few days later.
Maybe it’s supposed to be difficult to decide these things. Sometimes the choice is obvious and sometimes it’s not.

Communication DARE (Don’t Argue, Reason, or Explain)

I’ll bring in the Mitzkun’s manual at this point because it provides one alternate way of telling the truth. DARE is a humane and caring strategy for communicating with a loved one with Alzheimer’s dementia. DARE stands for: Don’t Argue, Reason, or Explain.
Mitzkun and others have suggested something like therapeutic fibbing. But DARE is a little different. It’s about information. “Since dementia,” she writes, “causes problems with language, dementia patients have difficulty finding simple words, formulating sentences, and comprehending what they hear. Too much information can cause them to become anxious, agitated, or act out their problematic behaviors.” Here are her suggestions:

Don’t Argue
“People with advanced dementia,” she writes, “simultaneously experienced cognitive decline in their reasoning skills and heightened emotional responses. Memory and perception become skewed, and facts, dates, cause, consequence, and logic become increasingly less important. To avoid confrontations, the caregiver must learn to suspend the need to be right and use strategy and finesse to handle difficult situations, refocusing and redirecting a conversation.”

Don’t Reason
“When you try to reason with a dementia patient the caregiver sets the stage for failure,” she explains. “Dementia patients are unable to follow reason. Not because they don’t want to, but because they can’t.” “As a general rule,” she writes, “caregivers must avoid the word ‘because.’ Every time ‘because’ is used it inevitably will result in an unsuccessful attempt to connect cause and effect.”

Don’t Explain
“When a caregiver explains something to a loved one with dementia, she is using a train of thought that the patient simply cannot follow. Explaining often involves multiple steps that lead to a conclusion or a goal. As dementia progresses, the ability to follow sequence is diminished; the more steps involved the more difficult it becomes to understand an explanation.”

And so she suggests using fibbing. “Fibs,” she explains, “are concocted scenarios that can be used to help the patient overcome confusion and agree to accept help. They are most helpful in dealing with resistance to care, especially in the moderate to late stages of dementia.”

Maybe I should’ve made this communication my first point because in some ways, it is probably the most significant.

Confusion

People with Alzheimer’s dementia become confused about many things. They become confused about people, places, and things. They become confused about where they are and where they are going. Hence, they need to stop driving and they begin following a caregiver, displaying what some call shadow behaviors. This confusion leads to more conflict.

Maybe that is the ultimate insult of Alzheimer’s dementia.  Endless loops of confusion. Complete and total disorientation. Complete and total disorientation about people, places and things. Sandeep and his two siblings were tormented by their father’s confusion. 

Watching the devastating confusion that is brought on by Alzheimer’s Dementia, must feel a little bit like one of those devastation reels that show a wall of snow encompassing a skier in the distance. It is truly a feeling of absolute helplessness that you feel while watching them die.

Conflict. Communication. Confusion.

Such is the plight of people with Alzheimer’s Dementia and the burden of their loving family members.

I have tried to share the lives of people with Alzheimer’s and share the lives of their families. Both experience this devastating disease. I have one more dementia memoir that I’ll be sharing and then, an episode about your brain on nature.

Stay tuned.

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.

Mark Neese, Louisville, KY, Healthy Aging Series

How to Make Lemonade | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E17

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Greater Prairie Chickens 

It was the spring of 1973 and we were headed to Prairie Ridge State Park in Central Illinois to watch the courtship of Greater Prairie Chickens. It was my friend Don Andrews, Willard Gray, our 4H County Extension Agent, and me. We drove over on a Friday afternoon. It was 65° when we arrived, not bad for late April. We set up our tent in the park campground while we ate our Little Debbie Cakes and Pringles. And then we froze. The ground was cold without air mattresses. And it snowed overnight. The next morning Don, Willard, and I, woke up and slipped into the bird blind that had been set up at the edge of the field, and we listened for their booming call and then watched them dance.  I’m sharing the actual picture that I took on that trip (See below) along with the picture of the three of us after we returned to Willard‘s house (See above).

Fifty Years Later

That was 50 years ago, and a lot of water has gone under the bridge in those 50 years. For me, it included the Air Force, college, and graduate school.  There was marriage and two sons. Remarriage. Becoming a psychotherapist and a behavior analyst. Co-founding two agencies with my wife. All the while running several half marathons, summitting several 14ers in Colorado, doing the Grand Canyon 20 times, and working hard to keep my weight down, and exercising daily.  

The Lemons

Willard has passed away during this past decade. For Don, it has been a rocky road. Don personifies the saying about being served lemons and making lemonade. You can’t exactly say that he was dealt lemons throughout his life because he made choices that created that lemonade elixir. Don will admit that he made some bad and disastrous decisions. One was deciding to start smoking when he was in his early 30s. The other was to begin self-medicating his past trauma with alcohol. Don’s decade-long smoking habit has wreaked havoc on his cardiovascular system, resulting in a heart attack in his late 50s. He also suffers from COPD which limits his mobility and robs his organs from much needed oxygen. Decades of smoking define who he is today. He confessed to me during our interview that he has stopped smoking this past year.

Making Lemonade


His trauma resulted from being a young gay adolescent, who had grown up in the Catholic Church and in a world were being a gay man meant hiding your true self from everyone. The alcohol treated his fear and anxiety. “I didn’t feel safe,” he explains.
In high school I knew Don was gay. He was my friend. Our paths separated after high school. He moved. I moved. Decades later, I was perusing Facebook and he popped up. I messaged him and called and we talked. Later I visited him. The pandemic was a speed bump, but I scheduled a lunch and we met again. And despite all that he has been through and all of the health issues he has had, Don is one of those lemonade guys. He is resilient and he is in a good place. He had three wake up calls. The heart attack, the afib and hypertension, and his COPD diagnosis, which has resulted in lots of medication. He had a mental health crisis, during these past few years that shook him as well.

He’s much better now. I asked him what changed him. His answer will not surprise you. He said,

“I want to live. I didn’t want to give up on living. Life has something for me in the future.”

Don had to let go of some old lessons and bad examples. He had a maternal grandmother who lived to be 93, despite being a smoker and a heavy drinker. “She got away with it, and I’ll get away with it as well,” he told himself. Some people get lucky. Most of us don’t.

Hopefully, we will all have a moment when we hear that still small voice with us, that changes us forever. It will pull us out of death’s grip. “Life has something for me in the future.”

And then Don did some important things.

First, he quit drinking.
Next, he quit smoking.
And then, he found some very important alliances in the medical and mental health community.

Self-Care

I interpret this as he started taking care of himself. If there is a lesson to be learned from Don it’s that your future is completely dependent on taking care of yourself, changing your lifestyle that includes stop smoking and moderate your drinking, exercise, eat well, get good sleep, blah, blah, blah. 

I sound like a broken record.

Don reached out to his community of friends, family, and helpers. He calls these people a buoy for his well-being.

When I asked him what his advice would be for people in their 40s and 50s here’s what he said:
One, as you get older, do the things that will help you remain healthy.
Two, stop drinking and smoking.
Three, live a life of moderation
Four, create your support system, and stay connected.

Maybe I would add or observe, stay curious and explore. Go birding! Or hiking!

Would it surprise you to know that birds have been a constant in his life these 50 years. He has over 200 bird books in his library and is currently reading “Birds of an Ancient Egypt.

We are planning some birding hikes next spring. At least I hope to.

He seems strong to me. Maybe not physically, although he is well. But his spirit seems strong. That’s what happens when you listen to that inner self. That’s what happens when you take care of yourself. We do not know what kind of future we have been dealt or what kind of future we deal ourselves, but we may get lemons. Don has given us a path for making the most of our circumstances. 

He has shown us how to make lemonade.

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.

True North Counseling, Healthy Aging Series, Louisville, KY

Alzheimer’s: The Good Enough Caregiver | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E16

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There is a manual for almost everything. Like, the “dummies” guides. You know, “Adulting for Dummies,” “Communication Skills for Dummies,” and “Parenting for Dummies.” That was one I could have used 30 years ago.

I loved being a father. I wasn’t perfect. Not even close. I used to give a book to parents called, “The Good Enough Parent.” I think I was good enough. I was there when my two sons were born. I loved bathing them, and yes, changing poopy diapers.

When I became a therapist, my sons were nine and six years old. I read a lot about parenting. Did all that book-learning help me as a parent? I think so. As an example, I learned about Grandma’s Rule. You know, “Eat your broccoli and then you get your ice cream.” I learned about penalty sentences, timeouts, consistency, parental alliances, parental control, picking your battles, and using the carrot not the stick. A Parenting manual would have helped. Everything in one book.

Alzheimer’s Dementia

I have titled season 10, “It’s all About the Engine.” It’s all about taking care of your engine, you know, your brain.  But sometimes your brain gets broken and there’s nothing you can do about it. I shudder as I think about Alzheimer’s Dementia.
I’ve been sharing some stories of people with Alzheimer’s Dementia. I’ve written about the coming storm for many of us. Now, I want to share a caregiver’s story and a manual for caregivers. I wouldn’t wish dementia, in any of its forms, on anyone. And my heart breaks for the husbands, wives, and adult children who are losing their loved ones to dementia. All I can offer you is their stories and maybe a few manuals for caregiving.

I’ve paired a couple books together, one entitled, “My Two Elaine’s,” by Martin, Schreiber, and “Dementia for Caregivers.” by Renee Phillippi. As the titles imply, this is more a story about caring for people with Alzheimer’s.

I read the story that Schreiber wrote about his wife, Elaine. Marty Schreiber was the thirty-ninth governor of Wisconsin. He and Elaine met in high school and raised four children. Side by side, they crafted a wonderful life together until in 2005, when Elaine was diagnosed with Alzheimer/s Dementia. He writes,

“My first Elaine and I shared love, hope, happiness, and dreams. As she became my Second Elaine, the dreams turned into nightmares, because I was losing her. Happiness became hopelessness. Grieving and health issues (including depression and anxiety) replaced joy.”

There is a progression of hopelessness throughout his book and here are the words and phrases that jumped out at me.

Maintaining a sense of humor.
Fragile, my constant helpmate became dependent on me.
Dreams turned into nightmares.
The most fearful time may be when they know they are losing their mind.
She was having trouble remembering.
Your partner will become someone you don’t know.
No one survives.
Your spouse is going to get worse, mentally and physically.
Chronic stress experienced by caregiver may shorten their lives.
She had lost all interest in reading, making photo albums, sleep, baking…
I was too exhausted to go…
The blame game is always underway.
The risk comes in blaming herself.
Trapped and hopeless.
I felt cheated.
We learn on our own again.
Alzheimer’s makes most people uncomfortable.
Alzheimer’s continues to squeeze the memory out of Elaine.
When you are not prepared, brace yourself for moments of frustration.
One of the most painful losses for couples affected by Alzheimer’s is not being able to really talk about the kids or grandkids.
I have received the phone call from my bewildered wife, lost while driving.
I can be considered a survivor of Alzheimer’s because it is a disease with two patients.
I began to seriously wonder how much longer I can live with my wife.
Her illness is causing her to have more than one person can handle.
She lacks awareness of all she has lost. Her independence, her memories, her future.

She is not upset by the fact that she lives in a care facility and wears an adult diaper.

Elaine Schreiber died at 82 in a memory care assisted living center. Martin and Elaine lived with Alzheimer’s for 17 years.

I hope you can feel the pain that Martin and Elaine felt throughout those 17 years.

Dementia for Caregivers, by Renee Phillippi

This is a manual that I would wish, for any family members struggling with a loved one experiencing Alzheimer’s, to have read. I do not want any of you or your loved ones to experience Alzheimer’s. 

And listen to me for a second, nobody is going to look for a manual that provides instructions on giving care to a loved one with dementia when in all likelihood neither you nor your partner or parent is going to develop Alzheimer’s Dementia. 

Just in case, you know, the worst case scenario, here’s an excellent guide or manual for caring for your loved one. Most of what you will experience is challenging behaviors. As a Behavior Analyst, I know a little bit about this. I’ve written hundreds of behavior plans to support individuals with developmental or intellectual disabilities. 

Prevention is always the best approach when working with challenging behaviors and caring for individuals with Alzheimer’s. Phillippi has provided a prevention plan, of sorts, in chapter 6. It’s good. I’ll share the main points.

First, before trying to understand your loved ones behavior you should focus on establishing a relationship of mutual trust and respect.

Second, realize that your loved one is not purposely trying to upset you. Most of the behavior reflect ways that their confused brain is trying to explain external phenomenon they struggle to understand.

Third, sometimes behaviors are caused by specific objects or people that can trigger the behaviors from your loved one. This is what I mean by antecedent interventions. Remove all the objects from their sight that remind them of an upsetting or discomforting event.

Fourth, best way to redirect someone’s intention is to engage them in activities that make them feel helpful. Keep your loved one engaged in meaningful activities.

Fifth, take care of yourself. Don’t ever forget that you’re the solid rock of the team and you must look after yourself more than ever. Phillippi gives numerous examples of ways of taking care of yourself.

Six, mentally (or actually) record what happens. Life is a constant learning experience. We don’t need to continue having the same problems. We can learn and change the environment and change the behavior. Develop a plan. Follow the plan.

Seventh ask for help when needed. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and look after your own mental health.

There is lots more in Phillippi’s book and I highly recommend it.

There are transitional moments in our lives when we make choices like marriage, having children, investing, and retirement. And there are lots and lots of books and manuals for those periods in our lives. 

I’m sure many of you have read books on those topics. 

None of us will choose Dementia. And believe it or not, in some cases vascular dementia is preventable. That’s not the case with Alzheimer’s, Lewy body Dementia, and Frontal Temporal Dementia. 

If, God forbid, you or a loved one gets diagnosed with one of these diseases, here are a couple of good books that will illumine the dark road ahead of you. 

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.

Healthy Aging Series Season 10 Episode 15

On the Shortness of Life | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E15

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I’m sitting at my campsite in the Red River Gorge. It’s mid-spring, which means it’s going to rain all night. No worries. I’m prepared. I have a microfiber tarp that weighs about 1 pound. And of course a Marmot tent. I’ll stay dry until I head back to the trail head in the morning.
As I write this, a Great Horned Owl is calling out. I answer. One more checks in. I love it! Maybe it’s a Barred Owl. Now, there are three.

I am on a Yolo-Solo backpacking trip this weekend. Just one night. By myself. Solo.
I’m always a little apprehensive about solo trips. Nobody to talk to, teach, and cook for. And then there are the safety issues. But I have a Garman-InReach satellite communicator and I’m in great shape. Plus, there are some people nearby that I can see camping. A man and his two young sons. And the Barred Owls. But this is a Yolo-Solo backpacking trip. So I brought  with me a copy of “On the Shortness of Life,“ by Seneca, the Roman Stoic philosopher. I’ve read it before and so I’m guessing that’s why I’m here. In the gorge. By myself. Because life is short. Life is short. Or is it. Seneca writes, “Life is long enough, and it has been given in sufficient, generous measure to allow the accomplishment of the very greatest things if the whole of it is well invested.” 

Seneca had a checkered past. For most of his life he was Nero’s advisor. And then he was banished by Nero until Nero ordered him to kill himself at age 67. But during his last two years he wrote many letters and the pamphlet “On the Shortness of Life.” He was my age when he wrote this essay. How does one invest in life well? I’ll summarize his thoughts.

First, Seneca encourages us to have a guiding principle to live by. He says that many people are “plunged by the fickleness of their plans that are never ever new; some have no fix principles by which to direct their course.”
I remember the movie “City, Slickers” where Mitch Robbins, played by Billy Crystal, is having a midlife crisis. He’s financially successful, and has a wonderful family, but in distress, so he is persuaded by his friends to join them at a dude ranch. He meets a grizzly cowboy named Curley Washburn, played by Jack Palance, who sees his distress. 

Curly: Do you know what the secret of life is?
Curly: This.  <He holds up one finger>.
Mitch: Your finger?
Curly: One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest of your life don’t mean shit.
Mitch: But what is the one thing?
Curly: <Smiling> That’s what you have to find out.

I think that was what Seneca was saying. My guiding principle is the Golden Rule. I think almost every issue, and every question that you have in relationships, in work, and in business are answered by following that guiding principle. Can you have more than one guiding principle? Of course. But have one.

Second, when it comes to considering the shortness of life, Seneca tells his readers to not allow others to trespass on their lives.
OK, ask yourself, “How many have robbed you of your life when you weren’t aware that you were being robbed?

People will steal your time. You have a limited amount of energy, time, and optimism. Don’t let people steal them. Be intentional about your friendships. Refuse to be a landfill for people’s rubbish. People will dump on you all of the problems that you allow. I know this sounds harsh, but there is only so much of you to go around. Family, friends, work, social groups need you and your time, and if you fritter it away with bystanders, and those that are always needy, then you will have nothing to invest in those that count. Think about social media, and how it steals your time.

Third, Seneca encourages us to “adopt ourselves into other people’s lives, that will open us to the path of immortality, and will raise us to a height from which no one is cast down.” Find people who will help you become a better person. And then, be willing to be that person. I try to be one of those people for my wife, my sons, and my friends. As you age, it gets tough, but not impossible. Your adoptee might be younger than you, but having an adoptee in your life adds instead of detracts from it.

Four, Seneca believed that in light of the shortness of life we need to reflect on all aspects of it. “Don’t forget the past,“ he writes, “or neglect the present, or fear the future.” I love this. If people practiced this, or learned the skill of reflecting, I would mostly be out of a job. I’ll break this concept down more in an upcoming blog.

Five, practice “Serenity Now!” I’ve watched Seinfeld episode #159 where Mr. Costanza was advised by his doctor, based on his self-help relaxation tape, to say “Serenity now!” every time he gets angry, to keep his stress and blood pressure down. But of course, he yells it at the top of his lungs along with his animated hand gestures. Try it. “Serenity now!!” Not quite what Seneca wanted but he warns his readers about the stress and anxiety that come from pursuing prosperity and come from being with the crowds. In contrast to Frank Costanza, Seneca advises us to withdraw into a peaceful harbor. My peaceful harbor is the Jefferson Memorial Forest. My peaceful harbor is the high desert of Utah. My peaceful harbor is the Grand Canyon in Arizona. And it is sitting on my deck quietly, calming my mind, paying attention to the present. My peaceful harbor includes spending those quiet moments with my wife and my kitties.

Six, Seneca writes, “In this kind of life there awaits much that is good to know, the love and the practice of virtues, forgetfulness of the passions, knowledge of living and dying, and a life of deep repose.”

He advocates, humility, against pride, kindness against envy, abstinence against gluttony, chastity against lust, patience against anger, liberality against greed, and diligence against sloth
I think this is the kind of life that Seneca was encouraging his readers to engage in.

Seven and finally, Seneca encouraged his readers to enjoy the life that they have now. It seemed that there was a crowd that spent much of their life crafting an epitaph that would be on their tombstone. Some had gone so far as to have a tombstone erected with the pre-inscribed epitaph. Epitaphs that matter are the people that you have touched while you lived. Be less worried about what people think of you after you’re gone and more concerned about how people feel about you now.

I’ll be Seventy in less than two years.  I have a certain kinship with Seneca. Life is short, but long enough to accomplish what you want to do if you invest it well. 

One question I have for you is, “Are you investing your life well?” I encourage you to pick up his small pamphlet and read it. And then use it as a guide for making the most of what you have left.

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.

Healthy Aging Series Season 10 Episode 14

Your Brain on Alcohol | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E14

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I have read “Lonesome Dove,” by Larry McMurtry, at least five times. In the opening scene, Gus McCray saunters out to the well house to fetch his jug of Tennessee Whiskey. It’s been a long hot day in south Texas. The sun is setting, and he sits on the porch, takes a couple of long gulps from his jug, getting, as he described it, a little misty. That was his daily ritual.

I love that scene. I love the character that McMurtry created. He’s an aging man, enjoying his life and his daily drink in the evening. I confess that I like that evening, misty feeling that I get from a dinner cocktail, pint of beer, or a glass of wine. 

Things changed about five or six years ago when I started wearing a Fitbit that tracks my sleep. I started noticing that my heart rate did not drop as much or as quickly when I had even one drink, regardless of the time of day. It really didn’t go up; it just took a good part of the night to drop down to the low 50s. Eating sugar before retiring also delayed my heart rate from dropping. 

I’m going to spend some time later in this season on the topic of “Your Brain on Sleep,” so save your sleep-questions for later. Of course, the real question is this: Is this effect on my heart rate a problem? I read an article by a cardiologist (New York Times), and they suggested that it wasn’t a problem, but it kind of makes you wonder, as Squirrely Dan from Letterkenny suggested.

Alcohol is Poison

And then there was the Huberman Lab Podcast that I was listening to a couple of years ago where Dr. Andrew Huberman, a neurologist, called alcohol a poison. Yes, he said, if you drink chronically, you will experience neurodegeneration or loss of white and gray matter. Therefore, you should not drink alcohol at all. Alcohol is evil. There is no option other than complete abstinence. Amen.

Here’s a confounding question: Regardless of what you do, or don’t do, eat, or don’t eat, drink or don’t drink, you will lose white and gray matter as you age. The answer is yes. Dr. Huberman isn’t the only medical or mental health professional advising absence, and there are lots of studies,  studies highlighting the deleterious effect of drinking alcohol, especially as we age. 

But there are voices out there that advocate mild to moderate drinking, suggesting that it lowers the risk of everything from stroke to Alzheimer’s Dementia, and that drinking wine is associated with a longer life. Consider the Mediterranean Diet that is touted by many, many, many health professionals that allows for two glasses of red wine daily. And there are several longitudinal studies that suggest drinking alcohol, within reason, is good for you. I’ve read all of the studies or at least most of them. Here are my takeaways:

First, heavy, chronic drinking, is detrimental to your health and mental health. The National Institute of Health advises that if you drink daily, you can have one or two drinks daily. That’s 14 drinks per week.  If you drink less than daily, you can have three drinks, with the caveat that you consume those drinks on a one-drink-per-hour-basis. Still, the 14 drinks per weeks is still in effect.

I don’t want to get lost in the details here, I just want to find common ground! Chronic, heavy drinking is not good for you. Can we all agree on that?

Second, if you are a light to moderate drinker, diet, exercise, and sleep, will have a greater impact on your life than whether or not you drink and by that I mean light to moderate drinking. This also applies to your brain health. Exercising your brain will affect your brain health more positively than the negative effects of alcohol. There are three variables to consider when drinking. 

One, heavy drinkers are more likely to be smokers, which will likely increase mortality. 

Two, wine drinkers are more likely to be more educated, more health conscious, and less obese, which means less diabetes, which means a decrease in risk of early mortality. I suspect that those that have been lifetime abstainers or former drinkers are more health conscious, which again skews the data toward decrease risk of mortality. Dr. Peter Attia was interviewed about his book on healthy aging, “Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity,” and was asked if there was one thing that he would want people to take away from his book, what would it be? His answer: exercise.

Third, there are social benefits to light and moderate drinking. Alcohol isn’t just a social lubricant, but it is also a social adhesive for many aging people. Social isolation can contribute to a decrease in quality of life and maybe sharing a glass of wine with family and friends can serve as a buffer to that isolation.

My Break Up With Alcohol

I made the decision to break up with alcohol on February 27, 2024, six months ago. I based that decision, not on the health issues, whether it was poison or not, or on longevity. Well, maybe my health issues played a small role. So, why did I stop drinking?

First, a book that had a big impact on my use of alcohol was, “This Naked Mind,” by Annie Grace. Her book got me to think about my drinking and, in those very honest moments, I decided that I didn’t enjoy drinking. I enjoyed the taste and those initial moments following my first drink, but I did not, did not, enjoy the physical effects that followed 20 or 30 minutes following that first drink. Honestly, I felt like crap. So, I decided to stop drinking.

Second, I realized that I couldn’t do the things that I enjoyed doing if I had a drink in the evening. I couldn’t focus on reading and writing. I just wanted to go to bed. Reading and writing are important to me, so I decided to stop drinking.

Third, prior to my decision to stop drinking, I attempted to manage my use of alcohol. Ask anyone who knows me. All I ever talked about was managing my alcohol use. I would have a plan, and then the plan would go amuck. I would tell myself that I would only drink 3 or 4 times a week, and then drink every day. 

Part of my frustration was my inability to control something in my life, and that something was alcohol. 

So, I decided to stop drinking. Believe it or not, it has been easier to not drink then it was to manage or control my alcohol use.

Intentional drinking

Considering what I’ve just shared, how should you drink? Is alcohol poison?

When we label alcohol as a poison, we make no progress in helping people drink responsibly and intentionally.

If you’re going to drink intentionally…

First, make the decision to drink within the guidelines of the National Institute of Health:  (Men) 2 drinks if you drink daily, 3 drinks if less than daily. (Women)  1 drink daily, 2 drinks if less than daily. (For men and women) 1 drink per hour. 

Second, if you’re going to drink, exercise 150 minutes a week, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, get 7-8 hours of sleep, and socialize with family and friends.

Third, do I need to mention, if you’re going to drink, don’t smoke cigarettes.

I’m writing this while flying to Denver to visit family. I am wearing my Air Buds with noise reduction. I love them. I hear only the music from my iPhone, mostly. If you’re going to drink intentionally, you need to use  some form of noise reduction and silence the voices that are out there pontificating on the evils of alcohol, or the miraculous benefits of alcohol, and simply live, and enjoy life, and be a little bit like my hero, Gus McCray, who had a healthy routine of getting a little misty as the sun set on Lonesome Dove.

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.

Healthy Aging Series Season 10 Episode 13

Reflecting on, “Gentle on my Mind: In Sickness and in Health with Glen Campbell,” by Kim Campbell | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E13

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Healthy Aging Series Season 10 Episode 13, True North

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was the Canary Fairy. The proof is the picture. I was a senior at Boonville High School, and it was a skit called “The Tale of the Magic Weenie.“ I loved it! So much fun! Someone once said that life is a stage and we are just actors… stop, I know who wrote that :-). I was acting then and now I guess I am acting on life’s stage. 

The Third Act

I was drawn to a TED talk by Jane Fonda on aging. It was called “The Third Act,” referring to the last third of our lives. She described it as a time of pulling loose ends together. The Third Act is a time of discovering how you became who you are. It’s a time of inner exploration, a time of growth, but, unfortunately, it’s not for some. I read Kim Campbell‘s story of her husband, Glen Campbell. It’s a story in three acts. Glen Campbell died from the effects of Alzheimer’s Dementia. Dementia took away most of his third act. He was still a character performing, but without a script, without memory, and without a hint of who he was.

The First Act

Glenn Campbell’s first act was full of chaos, lots of fame, and fortune. He sold 50 million albums.
He performed with Fleetwood Mac, Kris Kristofferson, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, and Waylon Jennings. He was a familiar face at the White House. He spent most of this act abusing alcohol. Kim writes, “For three days Glen had been drinking around the clock. On the fourth day I woke at 8 PM. Glen was still passed out cold. I put on my pink robe, tied my belt around my belly, six months large with child, and made my way to the kitchen to find something to eat. I walked a careful path around a food-and-obstacle-course of empty booze, bottles, wine bottles, dirty dishes, and empty pizza boxes. Despite the carnage in the kitchen, the morning felt quiet and calm in contrast to the wild night that had proceeded it.”

About another incident she writes, “One night I saw that Glen stumbled into the bathroom naked. I pretended to be asleep. I did this often because I feared that if he knew I was awake, he would begin to rant and keep me up all night. When he did not return, I got up and checked on him only to find him passed out on the cold tile floor. When I saw him lying there, a story he told me about Willie Nelson’s first wife passed through my mind. Martha was so sick of Willie passing out drunk every night that she tied him up in bed sheets and beat the hell out of him with a broom handle.  As tempting as that sounded at the time, I followed what I had learned which was rather than waking Glen up and maneuvering him into bed or putting a pillow under his head and a blanket over him, I left him lying in all his indignity.  He came to bed, shivering cold, and hungover.”
Of course, there were wonderful moments. The birth of his children. Wonderful friendships. His faith experiences. But it was also a time of instability and unpredictability. That was Act One.

Act Two

Kim Campbell describes Act Two as Campbellot.
Really, it was Glen who referred to himself as the king of his little kingdom, he called Campbellot. In Act Two, he walked away from alcohol and drugs. It was the late 1980s.
“Writers wiser than me,” she writes, “have said most stories naturally breakdown into three acts. If that’s the case, I see Glen’s embrace of sobriety as a happy conclusion of the first phase of our life together. The second phase, a gloriously happy one, is about maturation. As we grew in our faith and our love for each other, we finally began to bear the fruit of the spirit. We matured as a couple and as children of God.”

Later she writes, “Winters were in Phoenix, summers in Sedona, the children growing healthy and strong, tour dates everywhere from Seattle to Sydney. Life was serene. Our faith deepened and our spiritual studies intensified.”

The Third Act

Unfortunately, the Third Act brought the return of chaos, instability, unpredictability, and confusion. But this time it wasn’t alcohol; it was Alzheimer Dementia.

Glen was diagnosed in 2010 at the age of 74, but the disease had shown itself years earlier. Alzheimer’s shortened Glen’s Third Act, or rather robbed him of it! I often tell people that you have to prepare for the last 10 years of your life, for your Third Act, but there is little that can prepare you for Alzheimer’s Dementia.

There are preventable types of dementia. Vascular Dementia is typically caused by a stroke. Strokes are 80% preventable by working on your cardiovascular health through a good diet and exercise and decreasing inflammation. I’ll have a complete episode later on inflammation.

True Grit

I watched a documentary about Glen (“Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me”), about his final tour in 2012, and I watched the 1969 version of True Grit as part of my preparation for this episode. He died in 2017. The book and the movie help fill in the blank spaces. They both celebrate Glen’s life. Glen plays Texas Ranger La Boeuf in the film. The La Boeuf character is full of Texas wisdom. He and Maddie Ross are sparring and talking to Rooster Cogburn while Rooster is intoxicated.

Mattie Ross: I will not bandy words with a drunkard. 

La Boeuf: That’s real smart. You’ve done nothing when you’ve bested a fool. 

True grit is a movie full of true grit. Maddie. Rooster. LaBeouf. They all showed tenacity in the face of adversity. Watch the documentary and the movie!

I think Kim, Glen, and their family showed true grit. True grit comes from love and compassion. I don’t read these dementia memoirs to experience the tragedies, I read them to witness the grit and tenacity that people show in the face of adversity.

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Healthy Aging Series Season 10 Episode 12

Dementia: The Coming Storm (for Many of You) | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E12

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We were headed to Florida for the Thanksgiving holiday. And because we are a little gullible, we paid too much attention to the local news and got to the airport almost 3 hours early. I took a picture of the almost empty Muhammad Ali International airport. Our flight had 37 empty seats. I hate the holiday hype.

The weather reports are almost as bad. I’ve canceled many backpacking trips because forecasters have exaggerated coming storms. I know it’s hype when they give the storm a name. But then again, sometimes they hit the bullseye

I was in the Grand Canyon in 2019 and needed to hike out with my 20-year-old nephew. There is nothing easy about hiking out of the Grand Canyon. The weather report predicted blizzard conditions and that’s what we got. We were halfway out and the 50-mile-an-hour winds hit. I’m guessing the wind chill was close to 0 degrees. I stopped and changed into a dry shirt, but my nephew refused. Stubborn like his mother. He almost froze to death, at least that’s what I thought when we hit Cedar Ridge and he was howling with pain every time the wind gusted to 60-miles-an hour. So maybe, it’s helpful listening to the weather report, sometimes.

This season is entitled “It’s all About the Engine,” by which I mean the brain. I want to tell you about a storm that is coming for many of us, and mark my words, I’m not bullshitting you. This storm has a name and it’s Dementia. Don’t change the channel. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad news. I read a book at the airport and on the flight to Tampa. It’s the “2023 Dementia Overview 19 Dementia Types, and Symptoms,” by Jerry Beller Health Research Institute.
It’s the most current research on dementia in one book. I’m going to hit the highlights of the book. I’ll give you the bad news and the good news. And yes, there are some things you can do. By the way, I watched a new movie directed by Michael Keaton called “Knox Goes Away”, in which he performs as a man who is diagnosed with a very rare type of dementia called, Creutzfeld-Jacob Disease. He’s a hitman and three weeks to live. It’s good!


Nineteen Types of Dementia

There are several types of dementia, 19 in fact. The big dog is Alzheimer’s Disorder. I’ll be sharing the lives of several people who developed Alzheimer’s Disorder: B. Smith, Glenn Campbell,  and Ronald Reagan to name a few. You probably haven’t heard about Lewy Body Dementia. I’m sure you’ve heard about Parkinson’s Disorder. Both involve Lewy Bodies, which are clumps of protein that kills brain cells. People with Parkinson’s Disease, 50 to 80%, often develop dementia. Then there’s Frontal-Temporal Dementia. I know you’ve heard of Bruce Willis. He has Frontal-Temporal Dementia. With this type of dementia, you lose your ability to communicate.


There is Vascular Dementia. This type of dementia often follows a stroke and involves a loss of blood flow to brain cells and consequently they die.
There are several additional types of dementia, but these are the top four. I do want to talk about one that has the headlines, especially in the sports world and it’s CTE, Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. I’ll write more about it later, but this type of dementia is caused by chronic injuries to the brain. Symptoms usually follow years or decades down the road. I worked with a father who described playing youth football and doing drills where two teammates practice by colliding helmet to helmet. As a man in his 40s, he struggled to do basic household chores, and parenting, all early signs of dementia.

Vascular Dementia is caused by strokes and other conditions that restrict the flow of blood to the brain. The main arterial-restrictive condition is most often Arterial Sclerosis or Coronary Artery Disease.

There are three risk factors for Vascular Dementia:
High blood pressure, inflammation, and smoking.

Stroke is Preventable

Generally speaking, artery disease is preventable with diet and exercise. Vascular Dementia accounts for 20% of dementia cases and is mostly preventable.

 

When I wrote about brain health earlier in this season, I asserted, “What’s good for the heart, is good for the brain.” I will do an episode later in this season on stroke prevention to supplement what I’ve already written. I’ll do a deeper dive into vascular dementia because it’s one of the most preventable of brain disorders. Almost eight-hundred-thousand people experience a stroke each year, which often results in Vascular Dementia. The CDC has asserted that 80% of strokes are preventable, let me say that again, 80% of strokes are preventable!


Symptoms of Alzheimer’s Might Be Preventable

It’s also worth noting that there was some positive news from a study entitled the Nun Study. In this study, Sister Mary, who lived to be 101 years old, was evaluated at the time of her death and had very high cognitive scores, and at the same time showed neurological signs of Alzheimer’s Disorder.

Here’s What You Can do to Prevent Dementia: Move and Eat Right

I hope you see the positive message in this episode. Yes, there are types of dementia that we don’t understand the causality but, there are things that we can do, things that can decrease our risk of developing dementia. Most of these things include moving and eating right. Imagine that, no meds, no treatment, or supplements, just eating fruits and vegetables, and moving at least 150 minutes per week.

Let me close out by bringing some very sobering news about dementia.

How bad is dementia? It’s devastating!
You lose the people you love. The people that love you, lose you. Think about an hour glass. The sands at the top are you. The bottom section reflects the not you. Eventually, all the sand is gone. Memories. Relationships. Experiences. All that makes you a person, is gone. That’s what dementia does. You die, but your body is still alive. You are gone. The people that you fell in love with are gone. The quirks and personality that lit up the room are gone. The strong shoulder to lean on is gone. The fountain of learning is gone. Your brain dies slowly and the you that makes you a person is gone. The sand in the hourglass disappears and you were gone. It doesn’t matter what type of dementia. It is a sad and tragic end to a full and adventuresome life.

That my friends is what you have to look forward to with Dementia. It isn’t forgetting where you left your keys. It’s forgetting your children, your spouse, your love. It’s forgetting your grandchildren, your trips, your addresses, your profession, your religion, your political affiliation, and all that you now cherish about your life. 

Dementia more than sucks. It is the most horrific thing that you can imagine for yourself or a family member.

If this scares you, I want it to scare you. This season is about the aging brain, “It’s all about the engine.” 

Keep reading because there is good news. There is something you can do. It has to do with eating and moving. You know where I’m going. Let’s look deeper.

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