1. Blaming yourself for not “handling things better” …
Without acknowledging all the difficulties or challenges you’re facing and the strength it takes to survive them.
2. Criticizing yourself for being too emotional or disregarding a strong feeling and feeling shame…
Without checking in on your feelings, the place they come from, or noticing triggers.
3. Shaming yourself for being “too needy” or a “burden” …
Without acknowledging that you have needs, like every human, that is likely unmet, and it is this that drives the behavior you’re shaming yourself for.
4. Blaming yourself in the situation without seeing another side.
Ex: “They didn’t mean that, if I didn’t ____ this wouldn’t have happened.”
5. Criticizing yourself for not “getting over” that traumatic or stressful experience.
Ex: “Well it’s been 2 years, I shouldn’t feel this way. What is wrong with me?” No room for understanding the complexity of trauma, the impact, and the patience for working through the healing process.
Does any of this sound like you?
If so that’s okay, be gentle with yourself.
Remember your feelings and experiences are valid.
You can achieve balance.
Ex: “I feel really upset about this AND I don’t know if I making this a bigger deal than it needs to be.”
“I feel hurt AND I could have handled that situation better.”
“I love this person AND I didn’t deserve what happened.”
This blog was written by Meredith Edelen, Marriage and Family Therapy Associate, LSW. Learn more about Meredith here.