Tag Archive for: True North Teen Therapy

Friday Waypoints- 5/3/19

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Lessons from My Clients

Mindfulness can help. I am working with several teenagers and my hope is that I can give them tools to help them live life skillfully. Mindfulness can help. I often think that if I can come up with the perfect combination of words for my clients, then they’ll listen and get better. But of course, it’s not that simple. Brandon is a 16-year old adolescent that is struggling with OCD behaviors. I’m learning that Mindfulness helps when words don’t. I’m helping him retrain his anxious brain through deep breathing and mantras. I’m learning that my anxious brain needs some retraining as well. I need reminded again and again. Thank you, Brandon.

Book I’m Reading- “Self-Compassion,” by Kristin Neff Ph.D.

I was introduced to this book while listening to some lectures about mindfulness. What struck me, is the sense of disappointment that hangs over many of our heads. Maybe this is an echo of the voices from our past. Regardless, we are usually our harshest critic.

Self-compassion is the remedy for self-judgment. “Insecurity, anxiety, and depression are incredibly common in our society,” writes Neff, “and much of this is due to self-judgment, to beating ourselves up when we feel we aren’t winning in the game of life.”

Quote I’m Pondering

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

-Anonymous

Road Trip This Week

I’m in Colorado this week visiting my granddaughters. I drive out once a year just to experience the road. It keeps my grounded. I love the convenience of flying, but I need the experience of driving. I use the time to listen to books, podcasts, and music. And I use the time to think. There is something in the hiking world called “Trail Dissociation.” If you’ve done a long hike or backpack trip, you know what I mean. Your mind wanders. The same thing happens when I do a road trip. I think and think, and think about lots and lots of things in no particular order or fashion. It is like meditation and I feel like it’s a “reset.” My body pays for the long trips but my mind reaps the benefits!

 

Friday Waypoints- 3/29/19

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Spring!!!!

I was counting down the minutes. In my home I surround myself with pictures of trees, leaves, birds, and landscapes, but nothing brightens my spirits like the beginning of Spring. I felt better at 5:58 PM this past Wednesday. “Behold, my friends,” spoke Sitting Bull, “the Spring is come; the earth has gladly received the embraces of the Sun, and we shall soon see the results of their love.”

I think everyone experiences a little Seasonal Affective Disorder during the Winter months. To combat it, I get out and hike, walk and sit in the Sun. I stay busy with work and play. But still, I drag around in late February and early March.

I want to feel the heat of the Sun and take in its rays. We forget that we are solar-powered. Elon Musk has pointed out.

“What most people know but don’t realize they know is that the world is almost entirely solar-powered already. If the sun wasn’t there, we’d be a frozen ice ball at three degrees Kelvin, and the sun powers the entire system of precipitation. The whole ecosystem is solar-powered.”

Spend time this Spring getting energized by the Sun. We’ll get an extra minute or two each day to enjoy.

Moving and the Art of Throwing Things Away

I hate moving and I had to move this past week. I’m sure you hate moving too! But moving presents us with the opportunity to get rid of some of the things that we have collected over the years, things that we do not want or need.

When I move, I usually order a dumpster and I begin throwing things away. Don’t get me wrong, I never get rid of family photos or keepsakes, and I don’t throw away things that other people can use. I load up bags and give them to a charity organization. But somethings need to be thrown away.

Here is the principle that I use: If I haven’t seen it, used it, worn it, or thought about it for the past 5 years (you pick the time frame), I get rid of it.

I get rid of it and feel lighter. I feel better. That’s the Art of Throwing Things Away!

What I’m Reading

I’m reading a couple of books on adolescent sexuality. The first is “Puberty, Sexuality and the Self: Girls and Boys at Adolescence,” by Karin martin. Martin interviewed 55 teenagers to analyze the effects of puberty on sexuality for teens.

The Second book is “Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends,” by Susan Moore and Doreen Rosenthal. They look at the current trends and research affecting healthy maturation in teens.  I believe that it’s very important for Therapists and Counselors that work with teens to understand the cultural pressures that they face in their growth as humans and this includes human sexuality. Most of the teens that I see struggle with their sexuality. They need our help!

My Child has ADHD, What Can I Do?

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I began my practice twenty-three years ago working with children with ADHD. I saw kids, usually boys, that were having difficulty with peers, school and their parents. They had difficulty following rules. They had difficulty with getting organized. They had difficulty sustaining their attention. And they were becoming depressed.

It is not unusual for kids with ADHD to also have anxiety and depression. It makes sense. They get a lot of negative attention and it affects their self-esteem and mood. Imagine being the child in school that is constantly getting redirected and spotlighted by the teacher. I’m not blaming the teacher, but kids with ADHD need a lot of the teacher’s time and energy. I can understand it if these kiddos interpret this as, “There’s something wrong with me.” These kids need our help.

My early research and reading took me to the author, Russell Barkley. He is still the Father or Parent of modern research on ADHD. However, I recently read, “Scattered but Smart (SBS),” by Dawson and Guare and I’m glad to say that this book is an excellent addition to the understanding and treatment of ADHD. This book attributes much of ADHD to deficits in Executive Skills. These skills include the ability to initiate and sustain a task, as well as planning and organizing.

SBS doesn’t stop with helping us understand the underlying causes of ADHD, but provides some very detailed plans for improving the deficient skills.

Deficient skills include:

-Getting Ready in the Morning

-Bedroom Cleaning

-Putting Belongings Away

-Organizing Notebooks/Homework

-Learning to Control a Temper

-Learning to Solve Problems

There are lots of resources in this book and I highly recommend it! There are assessment tools that you can use to determine which areas your child needs improvement.

Regardless of whether you get the kindle or hard copy versions, the authors have provided links to download several useful tools.

I also recommend bringing your child to True North at 502-777-7525 and let us coach you in the process of supporting your child with this potentially debilitating disorder.

Teens and Suicide

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The local headlines this past month included the tragic loss of a 10-year old boy to suicide. I’m certain that no parent or grandparent ever gets over this. One of the few details that was shared in the Courier Journal was that he was bullied. I want to address the issue of Bullying in a later blog because it affects lots of kids and teens and it’s a very complicated behavior.

Suicide is very rare with children. Not so with Teens.

Consider the current trends:

-In 2016 adolescents and young adults aged 15 to 24 had a suicide rate of 13.15.

-8.6% of youth in grades 9 through 12 reported that they made at least one suicide attempt in the past 12 months.

-Girls attempt suicide twice as often as boys.

-Approximately 1,500 teenagers will attempt suicide in the next 24 hours.

-15.8% of youths in grades 9 through 12 reported that they had seriously considered attempting suicide during the past 12 months.

Teenagers send signals that something is wrong. They tend to be in clusters. If we suspected a teen at risk for suicide because they were sleeping too much, then many teens would be at risk. We are looking for changes in the typical functioning of your teen. We are looking for changes in a cluster of behaviors. These signals indicate that your teen might be at risk.

What are some of the Danger Signs?

–Hopeless comments such as, “nothing really matters,” or “I just want to end it all.”

–Sleep problems including sleeping too much or too little, insomnia, waking up often while sleeping.

-Preoccupation with death such as a fascination with music, art work, or poetry that has morbid themes.

–School problems such as difficulty keeping grades up.

-Signs of depression such as feelings of worthlessness, social withdraw, loss of appetite, increased irritability,  and a “down” expression.

There are events that can increase the likelihood of suicide thoughts or events. These include:

Potential Triggering Life Events:

-The recent loss or threat of loss of a friend or family member through serious illness, death, separation, divorce or change in residence.

I cannot emphasize the importance of calling a counseling center if you are concerned about your son, daughter, grandson or granddaughter. There are things that you can do to help them through these very vulnerable years.

There is a wonderful app called, “A Friend Asks” that I high recommend. It was developed by The Jason foundation. JFI is a nationally recognized leader in youth suicide awareness and prevention. This app is for teens that are considering suicide and for their friends. It help teens help their friends that might be considering suicide. An excellent app.

Here are some numbers that might come in handy. Hopefully you’ll never need them, but please keep them just in case.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8225

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Afsp.org

The Suicide Prevention Resource Center

Sprc.org

Friday Waypoints- 02-21-19

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Podcast I’m Listening to

I’ve been a big fan of Sam Harris because of the work he’s done on Mindfulness. He has an app called “Waking Up” and a Podcast entitled, “Making Sense.” This past week the podcast episode #147 was an interview with Stephen Fry. Fry is an English actor, comedian, writer and activist. If you’ve listened to the Harry Potter books, it’s his voice you will hear.

Harris and Fry spend much of this podcast talking about mindfulness and meditation. There are literally thousands of podcasts to listen to while you’re driving.  If you’re looking for a few to follow, consider these:

  • Optimal Health Daily
  • The Daily Meditation Podcast
  • Happiness Podcast
  • Meditate and Move
  • Optimal Living Daily
  • Stoic Meditations

Lessons from My Clients

Most of my practice has been with Teenagers and their families. What I have observed and seen with many of these teens is that life can be a struggle. In fact, it can overwhelm them. Many are experiencing anxiety and mild depression and they can’t seem to shake it. It’s partly due to social media and technology, but it’s mostly due to cultural influences. What I mean by that is the that teens are affected by the things we value and spend our time doing. Teenagers today are under a lot of stress. They struggle with finding meaning in life. Life is getting more and more complicated at home, at school, in the community, and with peers.

What I relearned this past week is that sometimes our teens simply need to talk to someone about their worries and fears. I saw the burden lifted as a wonderful young man simply talked and I listened.

I Lost a Good Friend This Past Week

There are few things that bring things into perspective like losing a lifelong friend. Life really is short. Without going into details, most of my adolescence was coupled with him. I admired him, I never felt judgment from him. We supported each other through our hardships, but these past few years he was in unbearable pain.

I am sad for many reasons. This is a great loss for many people. He was an intelligent man and for many years, was full of life. I will miss him.

And as we do with many of our losses, we live with them. I will live with this loss.  I will live. “Life is to be lived,” as the saying goes. And it is short and fragile. Remembering that, and remembering my dear friend’s life, will hopefully inspire me as it did when he was alive.

 

Friday Waypoints- 02/15/19

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Book I’m Reading

“Spirituality is waking up,” writes Anthony De Mello in his book “Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality.” He then follows with, “Most people, even though they don’t know it, are asleep.” Wow, that got my attention!

I have been fascinated and intrigued with different definitions of spirituality, most because it is difficult to define. I like De Mello’s definition. I’m not sure where this book is leading me, but I’m open to it. I’ll never grow, or should I say wake up, without an openness and curiosity about life and mysteries it has waiting for us.

My Circle of Friends

A friend commented that, “our circle is getting smaller.” She meant, of course, our circle of friends. It wasn’t a negative statement or observation. I think she meant that as we get older, our friendships become more intentional. I remember hearing this for the first time from a mentor while in graduate school. Dr. Timothy Johnson talked about the need to divest ourselves from the clutter and things that we have collected during our life.  

This week I decided to “let go” of a couple of friends from my past. There is a peace that comes from this process. Maybe it makes things simpler and after all, who doesn’t crave simplicity. But in fact, you don’t really need all the friends that you have. Many aren’t really friends. I’m not talking about bad people. The two people that I “un-friended” are wonderful people. They are fellow pilgrims and struggle to live out their lives with all of the the noise and chaos that it presents. Maybe we outgrew each other. It’s now a smaller circle of friends, real friends.

On a Much Lighter Note

I spent time this week preparing for a slide presentation of my trips to Canyonlands National Park. The presentation will be at Quest Outdoors on Shelbyville Road, on March 7th, at 7 pm. My first trip there was 11 years ago when I did a 10-day road trip through Utah. I did a drive-by visit that first time, but I fell in love with the place. Since then, I’ve explored the canyons and slip rock numerous times and I hope to introduce you to a very special place.

If You have a Teenager You Better Know about Vaping

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Alarming Trends:

-Currently 1 in 4 Middle School and High School students have used a vape pen or e-cigarette, 1 in 6 over the past 30 days.

-There is evidence to suggest that e-cigarette use increases the risk of using combustible cigarettes.

-Nearly 6 in 10 cigarette users also us e-cigarettes. This is a two-way relationship.

-A recent study found that teens who use e-cigarettes are 4 times more likely to begin smoking tobacco cigarettes within 18 months when compared to teens that do not vape.

-E-Cigarettes are now the most commonly used tobacco product among teenagers.

What are Vape Pens or E-Cigarettes?

They are electronic nicotine delivery devices, plain and simple. They come in many flavors and are called by various names: e-cigs, vape pens, e-hookahs, vapes, and mods just to name a few. Make no mistake, if your teen is using a vape pen, it is delivering nicotine.

Why are E-Cigarettes so Popular with Teens?

Three reasons:

1. Curiosity.

2. Flavors. 8 of 10 teen users use flavored e-cigarettes. In a recent study, the primary reason that teens use is because “they come in flavors that I like.”

3. Teens believe that e-cigarettes are safer. 1 in 5 teens believe that e-cigarettes cause no harm.

Are E-Cigarettes Harmful to Teens?

Simply put, YES!

-Nicotine disrupts the development of brain circuits that control attention and learning.

-Nicotine use by teens can puts them at risk for mood disorders and permanently lowering their impulse control.

-The nicotine in e-cigarettes affects development of the brain’s reward system, making them more susceptible to addiction to other drugs.

-Although e-cigarettes are safer than combustible cigarettes, there are still many questions being asked about the health risks of e-cigarette aerosol. There is no question, however, that nicotine exposure poses a major health risk for teens.

What Can You Do?

First, do not be hoodwinked. If your teen is using e-cigarettes, they are using nicotine.

Second, treat them as combustible cigarettes and let them know that you know!

Third, prohibit the use of e-cigarettes by your teens. I understand that this is not going to be easy, but you have to start by setting limits. You can randomly use a urine test to hold them accountable.

Fourth, educate them about e-cigarettes.

Fifth, if you have tried everything, enroll them in our Stop Vaping-Education Group at True North Counseling. This group is called: Salvage and is somewhat of an acronym for Stop Vaping Group Education. Salvage means: to preserve something from potential loss or adverse circumstances. We want to preserve the health and welfare of your teens. Call 502-777-7525 for more information.

What’s Wrong with My Teenager?

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I’ve been listening to a series of lectures on Audible entitled, “Understanding the Mysteries of Human Behavior,” by Mark Leary, Ph.D. He’s a professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke University. I’m going to be sharing several of his topics over the next few months. The one that caught my eye was, “Why Don’t Adolescents Behave like Adults?” Here are some of his thoughts:

First, there tends to be more family conflict when kids transition into adolescence.

The good news is that this conflict generally is short-lived (lasting the first couple of years of adolescence) and generally focused on minor issues such as their personal appearance, dating, family rules, and curfews. The reason for these conflicts seem to be rooted in the teen’s desire to establish their independence, which is a healthy and important part of their development.

Second, Teens tend to display more rapid and extreme mood swings when they enter into adolescence.

Certainly, hormones play a role in these emotional swings, but researchers are looking at the role that stress plays in mood instability. Leary points out that, “Adolescence involves major personal and social changes and transitions that would be stressful at any age, but for a young person without much life experience, these changes can be overwhelming.” Increased stress equals increased mood instability.

Third, teenagers tend to display an increase in risky behaviors which, as Leary points out, “have the potential to harm them or others.”

I see a lot of these teens, and here’s what’s happening in their brains. This increase in risky behavior is due to the interplay between two distinct networks in the brain. The first network is the socioemotional network. This network process rewards, especially social rewards. As a child enters adolescence, the reward center of the brain changes and teenagers begin to pay more attention to potentially rewarding experiences. The cognitive control network controls what is typically called executive functioning and involves functions such as planning and impulse control. Unfortunately, this network develops gradually throughout adolescence and matures by the mid-twenties. One system is telling the teen to speed up and the other is telling them to slow down. Unfortunately, the cognitive control network can be outmatched by the socioemotional network. It’s like putting a new driver behind the wheel of a race car.

So, to address the question, “What’s wrong with my teenager,” the answer is nothing.

Teens are becoming something. They are becoming adults and stretching the wings that one day they will be using independently. They are testing boundaries that one day will not be there and they are exploring and taking risks that one day will be wonderful growth experiences. But until they become adults, they need our guidance, support, teachable moments, patience, and they need a gradually increased amount of freedom to become the people that you have raised them to become.

I often hear extended family members counsel younger parents. The younger parents are overwhelmed and exhausted with the the task of raising children. Aunt Susan will respond with, “If you think it’s bad now, wait until they’re teenagers.” I couldn’t disagree more! Yes, it’s painful at times watching them transition into an adult, but it’s also one of the most reward times that you will have with them. Understanding what’s going on is the key to looking forward to it and even enjoying it!!!!

The Hurried Child –Are We Creating a Generation of Anxious Children?

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I first read David Elkind’s book, “The Hurried Child,” while in graduate school almost 25 years ago. It provided a course of treatment for me to use with families and their children. I encouraged families to relax and limit the stress that they imposed upon their kids. This stress usually took the form of over-involvement in extra-curricular activities and pressure to excel academically. Elkind asserted then and continues to in the 25th Anniversary edition of his book, that we are rushing our kids through childhood and contributing serious problems with anxiety and depression.

“The concept of childhood, so vital for a child’s healthy development,” he writes, “is threatened with extinction in the society we have created. Today’s child has become the unwilling, unintended victim of overwhelming stress –the stress borne of rapid, bewildering social change and constantly rising expectations.”

People need stress. It’s very important for our body to function and can help create creativity and motivation for being productive in society.

But chronic stress is very harmful and can lead to health issues such as, cardiovascular disease, obesity, and anxiety, just to name a few.

“For some children, Elkind summarizes, “chronic stress is translated into what Freud called “free-floating anxiety,” in the sense that it is not attached to a specific fear of apprehension.”

Childhood Anxiety is becoming an epidemic in our country.

I think Elkind is careful to spread the blame to several institutions for this rise in stress and anxiety with kids and not just parents. These include: the family system, schools, the media, and the internet. I recently reviewed the book, “IGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids are growing up less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy, and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood,” by Jean Twenge, PH.D. “Whereas teens used to hear about social events through whispers,” she writes, “they can now see up-to-the-minutes pictures of exactly what they are missing.” Children and teens are being robbed of the peace and safety of living in the “here and now.”

I remember many things about my childhood: playing with my brother Tim, building forts, and watching Saturday cartoons. I grew up during the Vietnam war and remember seeing soldiers on the evening news. Also, the threat of nuclear holocaust was a constant fear in the 60’s. But we used most of our days living like kids: playing in the here and now.

Unbeknownst to us, we we’re practicing a form of Mindfulness! Playing in the here and now!

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behavior Therapy-For Children

At True North Counseling, we want to help children and teens cope with stress and anxiety. We want to help children and teens get better connected with themselves and with the “here and now.” We do this through Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behavior Therapy-For Children (MBCBT-C). This is done in a group setting and uses evidence-based strategies to help them cope with stress. We utilize graduate-school students and provide this group treatment at no charge to the children and teens that we see for Individual and Family Therapy. If you would like to utilize this service, call 502-777-7525 to set up an assessment for your child or teen.

If you’re worried that you might be contributing to the increased stress and anxiety of your child, read Elkind’s book.  

 

A Guide to the Good Life

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“A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy,” by William B. Irvine.

I’m in Colorado visiting my two granddaughters as I write this. I started reading “A Guide to the Good Life” on the plane. It was one of the few times I wanted the flight to last longer. “Just let me finish one more chapter,” I whispered to the pilot.

This is a book about Stoicism and developing a philosophy of life. Classical Stoicism has little to do with the modern definition of a Stoic: One who is seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure, or pain.

“I discovered,” writes Irvine, “that the goal of the Stoics was not to banish emotion from life, but rather, to banish negative emotions.” He explains that a “philosophy of life” is the guiding principle for living, or a way of living that hopefully leads to The Good Life.

Irvine explains that The Good Life has little to do with prosperity. Many people have experienced The Good Life despite the lack of prosperity and, of course, think of all the people that are very prosperous and yet are unhappy and miserable.

I’ll be sharing several Stoic Techniques and ways of living as I digest them. They “hit a nerve” with me and I hope they will with you as well.

Stoic Technique One: Negative Visualization

At the very root of our nature is the notion that we are insatiable. We are never satisfied with what we have. Irvine describes this as the “Satisfaction Treadmill.” We desire something and acquire it. We lose interest in it. We desire something else, and so on. This is also called “Hedonic Adaptation.”

We have all witnessed this in our lives. The new car. The new computer. Fill in the blank. The result is that we experience a lack of happiness with the things in our lives, the people in our lives, our health, our job, and life itself.

One technique for getting off of this treadmill is Negative Visualization.

“This is,” Irvine writes, “the single most valuable technique in the Stoic psychological tool kit.” This technique involves periodically visualizing the possibility that the enjoyment of the people and things in your life will come to an end.

-Regarding our children, when we kiss them as they leave for school, remember that they are mortal and not something that we own. They have been given to us but possibly gone tomorrow.

-Regarding a job, visualize losing it due to no fault of your own.

-Regarding your health, reflecting on what it would mean to lose it due to an accident or illness.

-Regarding your spouse or partner, think about losing them to death or to divorce.

This is not intended to be morbid or for the purpose of robbing you of the joy that these people, activities or things bring to your life.

Rather it is intended to:

-Help you cherish every kiss from your spouse, your partner, or your child.

-Help you appreciate getting up and going to your job each day.

-Get you out and enjoy the health you do have rather than the health problems you have.

-Embrace the life that you have each day.

-Learn to desire the people and things that you already have.

Irvine concludes, “Negative Visualization, rather than making people glum, will increase the extent to which they enjoy the world around them, in as much at it will prevent them from taking that world for granted.”

There is something sobering about thinking that all things and people in our lives are temporary and impermanent. It is sobering to visualize that the life we have will come to an end and that we will eventually lose everything.

This Stoic technique helps us to take live one day at a time and treat the people in our lives as precious and priceless.

I think this is a worthy Philosophy of Life that will help lead us to The Good Life.

I’ll be sharing additional Stoic Techniques in upcoming Blogs. Stay tuned.