How to Make Lemonade | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E17
Greater Prairie Chickens
It was the spring of 1973 and we were headed to Prairie Ridge State Park in Central Illinois to watch the courtship of Greater Prairie Chickens. It was my friend Don Andrews, Willard Gray, our 4H County Extension Agent, and me. We drove over on a Friday afternoon. It was 65° when we arrived, not bad for late April. We set up our tent in the park campground while we ate our Little Debbie Cakes and Pringles. And then we froze. The ground was cold without air mattresses. And it snowed overnight. The next morning Don, Willard, and I, woke up and slipped into the bird blind that had been set up at the edge of the field, and we listened for their booming call and then watched them dance. I’m sharing the actual picture that I took on that trip (See below) along with the picture of the three of us after we returned to Willard‘s house (See above).
Fifty Years Later
That was 50 years ago, and a lot of water has gone under the bridge in those 50 years. For me, it included the Air Force, college, and graduate school. There was marriage and two sons. Remarriage. Becoming a psychotherapist and a behavior analyst. Co-founding two agencies with my wife. All the while running several half marathons, summitting several 14ers in Colorado, doing the Grand Canyon 20 times, and working hard to keep my weight down, and exercising daily.
The Lemons
Willard has passed away during this past decade. For Don, it has been a rocky road. Don personifies the saying about being served lemons and making lemonade. You can’t exactly say that he was dealt lemons throughout his life because he made choices that created that lemonade elixir. Don will admit that he made some bad and disastrous decisions. One was deciding to start smoking when he was in his early 30s. The other was to begin self-medicating his past trauma with alcohol. Don’s decade-long smoking habit has wreaked havoc on his cardiovascular system, resulting in a heart attack in his late 50s. He also suffers from COPD which limits his mobility and robs his organs from much needed oxygen. Decades of smoking define who he is today. He confessed to me during our interview that he has stopped smoking this past year.
Making Lemonade
His trauma resulted from being a young gay adolescent, who had grown up in the Catholic Church and in a world were being a gay man meant hiding your true self from everyone. The alcohol treated his fear and anxiety. “I didn’t feel safe,” he explains.
In high school I knew Don was gay. He was my friend. Our paths separated after high school. He moved. I moved. Decades later, I was perusing Facebook and he popped up. I messaged him and called and we talked. Later I visited him. The pandemic was a speed bump, but I scheduled a lunch and we met again. And despite all that he has been through and all of the health issues he has had, Don is one of those lemonade guys. He is resilient and he is in a good place. He had three wake up calls. The heart attack, the afib and hypertension, and his COPD diagnosis, which has resulted in lots of medication. He had a mental health crisis, during these past few years that shook him as well.
He’s much better now. I asked him what changed him. His answer will not surprise you. He said,
“I want to live. I didn’t want to give up on living. Life has something for me in the future.”
Don had to let go of some old lessons and bad examples. He had a maternal grandmother who lived to be 93, despite being a smoker and a heavy drinker. “She got away with it, and I’ll get away with it as well,” he told himself. Some people get lucky. Most of us don’t.
Hopefully, we will all have a moment when we hear that still small voice with us, that changes us forever. It will pull us out of death’s grip. “Life has something for me in the future.”
And then Don did some important things.
First, he quit drinking.
Next, he quit smoking.
And then, he found some very important alliances in the medical and mental health community.
Self-Care
I interpret this as he started taking care of himself. If there is a lesson to be learned from Don it’s that your future is completely dependent on taking care of yourself, changing your lifestyle that includes stop smoking and moderate your drinking, exercise, eat well, get good sleep, blah, blah, blah.
I sound like a broken record.
Don reached out to his community of friends, family, and helpers. He calls these people a buoy for his well-being.
When I asked him what his advice would be for people in their 40s and 50s here’s what he said:
One, as you get older, do the things that will help you remain healthy.
Two, stop drinking and smoking.
Three, live a life of moderation
Four, create your support system, and stay connected.
Maybe I would add or observe, stay curious and explore. Go birding! Or hiking!
Would it surprise you to know that birds have been a constant in his life these 50 years. He has over 200 bird books in his library and is currently reading “Birds of an Ancient Egypt.
We are planning some birding hikes next spring. At least I hope to.
He seems strong to me. Maybe not physically, although he is well. But his spirit seems strong. That’s what happens when you listen to that inner self. That’s what happens when you take care of yourself. We do not know what kind of future we have been dealt or what kind of future we deal ourselves, but we may get lemons. Don has given us a path for making the most of our circumstances.
He has shown us how to make lemonade.
