Tag Archive for: teen therapy

Friday Waypoints

Friday Waypoints – 05/17/19

/in , , , /by

Mark Neese is back with another Friday Waypoints blog post. On this weeks Friday Waypoints, Mark discusses how drugs cause parents to abandon their children, why the internet is a dangerous place for teens, and he revisits The Parklands of Floyd Forks. Mark discusses his previous visit to The Parklands of Floyd Forks, a hidden gem in Louisville, KY, in his Friday Waypoints on 5/10.

Drugs and Parents that Abandon Their Kids

I’ve been working with families for about 25 years. My early career was working in the rural counties surrounding Louisville. The families that I worked with were struggling with poverty and at times intellectual disabilities. It was challenging and rewarding. Every now and then I run into one of the family members that I worked with and it is very gratifying to see them doing well these many years later.

Today things are different. I have never witnessed an epidemic as I have today: parents abandoning their children because of drugs. This past weekend was Mother’s Day and two of the teens that I work with wanted to call and talk with their mothers but were unable to contact them because they were both AWOL. Both mothers are semi-homeless and have serious drug problems. To compound the problem, one of the teens witnessed his father being taken away in an ambulance because of a suspected overdose, on the very same day. Not such a “Happy Mother’s Day.”

Meditating in The Parklands of Floyds Fork (Reprise)

I was back at the Parklands yesterday to visit the Moss Gibbs Woodland Gardens. It is the gem of the new park system. It’s beautiful, and quiet, and I anticipate spending many of my mornings there. I’m practicing Mindfulness and using guided meditations by Donald Seigel. For those interested in learning more you can visit his website for free meditation downloads: http://www.mindfulness-solution.com.

The meditation that I used yesterday while sitting in the midst of the garden was one that focused on self-compassion. During this meditation you focus on the phrases: “May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live at ease,” or “May I be safe, may I be at peace, may I be free from suffering.” You can do this while driving, walking or sitting in a quiet place in your home. The Woodland Garden offers a place to sit quietly and listen to the Towhees, wrens and Cardinals. It offers a place to be part of a forest.

The Internet is a Dangerous Place for Teens

I am working with a Teen that was nearly swallowed up by Internet. Her mother saved her. It started with the website, “Wattpad.” This is a social storytelling platform. It ended with her sending pictures of herself to perfect strangers through a group on Instagram: #ddlg. She was being groomed for something dangerous and evil.

These are adult sites and 13-year olds should not be on them! She had no clue what she was getting into.

Parents, monitor your teenagers on the internet. There are predators that will take advantage of their innocence and take it from them!

Quote I’m Pondering

“Your smile and your laughter lit my whole world.”

― Ranata Suzuki

Vaping FAQs

/in , /by

The Next Scourge (a term I never use) of Our Country: Teen Vaping

Leave it to the Tobacco Industry to figure out a way to get more people addicted to nicotine at a time when smoking in this country has been in decline.

Here is their approach: 1) Target teenagers, 2) Make the product very cool (sexy), 3) Make it in as many flavors as possible, and 4) Put nicotine in the product.

The result: Teenagers are increasingly using vape pens (e-cigarettes) and becoming addicted to nicotine and putting themselves at risk of smoking combustible cigarettes.

In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, here are some FAQs (Courtesy of Smoke Free America) about vaping:

Vaping FAQs

What is vaping?

Vaping is the act of inhaling a vaporized liquid from an electronic device. The vapor commonly contains nicotine, flavoring and other additives. It also can contain THC, the chemical in marijuana that makes the user feel “high.”

What are the different vape products?

Popular terms for vaping devices include JUULs, e-cigarettes, e-cigs, smokeless cigarettes, vaporizers, vape, vape pens, vapor pens, mods, tanks, cigalikes, e-hookah and hookah pens. These vary widely in size, shape and design. Some look like computer flash drives or highlighters, while others are bulky and box-like.

What is in a vape juice or e-liquid?

Vape juice, e-liquid, JUULpods – these are all names for the liquid that is vaporized into an aerosol cloud. Vape juice most commonly contains three ingredients: propylene glycol and/or glycerin, chemicals for flavoring, and nicotine. 

The pods for JUULs, the brand name of the most popular vaping device among teens, contains nicotine 100 percent of the time. The amount of nicotine in one JUULpod has the same amount of nicotine in an entire pack of cigarettes. Some vape pods can also contain THC, the chemical in marijuana that makes the user feel “high.” Complicating the issue, vaping doesn’t give off the telltale smell of smoking marijuana or cigarettes.

Is vaping healthier than smoking cigarettes?

Though some may claim vaping is less dangerous than traditional cigarettes, that doesn’t mean that vaping is safe. In other words, “safer” doesn’t mean safe. Studies have shown that the aerosol vapor can contain dangerous toxins, including heavy metals and chemicals known to cause cancer and other diseases. 1

Most vape devices contain nicotine, which is highly addictive. Human brain development continues far longer than was previously realized (until age 25), and nicotine use during adolescence and young adulthood has been associated with lasting brain impairments, including effects on working memory and attention. 2

There are also no standard regulations for vape manufacturers. Even with more than 450 different types of vape products, there are no universal standards for product design, ingredients and safety features. 3

More troubling, some vape products are owned by big tobacco companies, which have a history of prioritizing sales over safety.4

Some teens say they just vape flavors, without nicotine or THC. Is that possible?

While some vapes do not contain nicotine or THC, most do. In fact, 100 percent of JUULs – teens’ top choice for vaping devices – contain nicotine. And each JUUL pod contains the same amount of nicotine as a whole pack of cigarettes. Plus, studies have shown that most vaping products labeled “nicotine free” actually contain nicotine.5 For teens who don’t want to become addicted to nicotine, the safest option is not to vape at all. 

Can teens under age 18 legally vape and buy these products?

Vape devices and paraphernalia cannot legally be sold to or used by anyone under the age of 18. 

How can I tell if or what kids are vaping?

That’s part of the problem – it can be very hard to tell if a teen is vaping. Not only do manufacturers make discreet devices that resemble flash drives, highlighters and more, but they also do not have the same strong odor that is often a giveaway for parents and teachers. Vaping is so discreet, in fact, that students have been known to vape during class.

 

Friday Waypoints- 5/10/19

/in /by

Mindfulness and Teens

I confess. I’m a novice in Mindfulness practices. I’ve practiced a “Zen” lifestyle for many, many years. That has involved a lifestyle that “simply experiences” rather than analyzes events and people in my life. It has involved utilizing my “peripheral vision,” something akin to intuition to navigate the journey that I’m on.

I haven’t been much of a meditator. I do a lot of thinking and ruminating while I hike, and I love that experience, but sitting in a chair and quieting my mind just never took. Through the years, however, Mindfulness has evolved and become so much more than meditation.

More recently, Mindfulness has become a clinical intervention and this past week I was able to introduce two very anxious teens to the practice. They both reported feeling better. I hope to give them skills and tools that help them well into adulthood.

The Parklands of Floyds Fork

I lived in Portland, Oregon many years ago while I attended college and was very impressed with their park system. I left there thinking that I would never experience that same commitment to parks again.

Today, I’m attending the opening of the Woodland Garden in the Broad Run section of the Parklands. I have had some sneak peeks and it is a wonderful place. When each section of the Parklands opened, I said, “This is my favorite section of the park,” until the next section opened. I’m in one of the Parks every week. I hike the trails, walk the Loop Path, and ride my bicycle and find solace there. The Parklands heal my mind and my body.

The Woodland Garden is going to be my new “Mindfulness Place,” for doing Forest Therapy.

Kids Don’t Feel Safe, and It’s Taking Its Toll

Another school shooting happened this week. It barely made the news. Perhaps the media is becoming numbed to these shootings. What a horrible, tragic, and sad event!!

Our children are being killed, and across the country others are being severely traumatized. I was listening to the stories that they were telling about this last shooting in Colorado. A 12-year old picked up a bat in the midst of the shooting and was ready to lead the charge against the shooters. My heart goes out to every child in that school and every 6th grader that feels that they have to defend themselves because the adults somehow failed them. I don’t have any simple answers to prevent future shootings, but I know that these children are being scarred and injured in ways that will change them forever. What will heal them and help them is talking about the trauma in a safe place with a trusted adult who cares for them and has the caring skills to mend their emotional wounds.

Friday Waypoints- 5/3/19

/in /by

Lessons from My Clients

Mindfulness can help. I am working with several teenagers and my hope is that I can give them tools to help them live life skillfully. Mindfulness can help. I often think that if I can come up with the perfect combination of words for my clients, then they’ll listen and get better. But of course, it’s not that simple. Brandon is a 16-year old adolescent that is struggling with OCD behaviors. I’m learning that Mindfulness helps when words don’t. I’m helping him retrain his anxious brain through deep breathing and mantras. I’m learning that my anxious brain needs some retraining as well. I need reminded again and again. Thank you, Brandon.

Book I’m Reading- “Self-Compassion,” by Kristin Neff Ph.D.

I was introduced to this book while listening to some lectures about mindfulness. What struck me, is the sense of disappointment that hangs over many of our heads. Maybe this is an echo of the voices from our past. Regardless, we are usually our harshest critic.

Self-compassion is the remedy for self-judgment. “Insecurity, anxiety, and depression are incredibly common in our society,” writes Neff, “and much of this is due to self-judgment, to beating ourselves up when we feel we aren’t winning in the game of life.”

Quote I’m Pondering

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

-Anonymous

Road Trip This Week

I’m in Colorado this week visiting my granddaughters. I drive out once a year just to experience the road. It keeps my grounded. I love the convenience of flying, but I need the experience of driving. I use the time to listen to books, podcasts, and music. And I use the time to think. There is something in the hiking world called “Trail Dissociation.” If you’ve done a long hike or backpack trip, you know what I mean. Your mind wanders. The same thing happens when I do a road trip. I think and think, and think about lots and lots of things in no particular order or fashion. It is like meditation and I feel like it’s a “reset.” My body pays for the long trips but my mind reaps the benefits!

 

Friday Waypoints- 3/29/19

/in , /by

Spring!!!!

I was counting down the minutes. In my home I surround myself with pictures of trees, leaves, birds, and landscapes, but nothing brightens my spirits like the beginning of Spring. I felt better at 5:58 PM this past Wednesday. “Behold, my friends,” spoke Sitting Bull, “the Spring is come; the earth has gladly received the embraces of the Sun, and we shall soon see the results of their love.”

I think everyone experiences a little Seasonal Affective Disorder during the Winter months. To combat it, I get out and hike, walk and sit in the Sun. I stay busy with work and play. But still, I drag around in late February and early March.

I want to feel the heat of the Sun and take in its rays. We forget that we are solar-powered. Elon Musk has pointed out.

“What most people know but don’t realize they know is that the world is almost entirely solar-powered already. If the sun wasn’t there, we’d be a frozen ice ball at three degrees Kelvin, and the sun powers the entire system of precipitation. The whole ecosystem is solar-powered.”

Spend time this Spring getting energized by the Sun. We’ll get an extra minute or two each day to enjoy.

Moving and the Art of Throwing Things Away

I hate moving and I had to move this past week. I’m sure you hate moving too! But moving presents us with the opportunity to get rid of some of the things that we have collected over the years, things that we do not want or need.

When I move, I usually order a dumpster and I begin throwing things away. Don’t get me wrong, I never get rid of family photos or keepsakes, and I don’t throw away things that other people can use. I load up bags and give them to a charity organization. But somethings need to be thrown away.

Here is the principle that I use: If I haven’t seen it, used it, worn it, or thought about it for the past 5 years (you pick the time frame), I get rid of it.

I get rid of it and feel lighter. I feel better. That’s the Art of Throwing Things Away!

What I’m Reading

I’m reading a couple of books on adolescent sexuality. The first is “Puberty, Sexuality and the Self: Girls and Boys at Adolescence,” by Karin martin. Martin interviewed 55 teenagers to analyze the effects of puberty on sexuality for teens.

The Second book is “Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends,” by Susan Moore and Doreen Rosenthal. They look at the current trends and research affecting healthy maturation in teens.  I believe that it’s very important for Therapists and Counselors that work with teens to understand the cultural pressures that they face in their growth as humans and this includes human sexuality. Most of the teens that I see struggle with their sexuality. They need our help!

My Child has ADHD, What Can I Do?

/in , /by

I began my practice twenty-three years ago working with children with ADHD. I saw kids, usually boys, that were having difficulty with peers, school and their parents. They had difficulty following rules. They had difficulty with getting organized. They had difficulty sustaining their attention. And they were becoming depressed.

It is not unusual for kids with ADHD to also have anxiety and depression. It makes sense. They get a lot of negative attention and it affects their self-esteem and mood. Imagine being the child in school that is constantly getting redirected and spotlighted by the teacher. I’m not blaming the teacher, but kids with ADHD need a lot of the teacher’s time and energy. I can understand it if these kiddos interpret this as, “There’s something wrong with me.” These kids need our help.

My early research and reading took me to the author, Russell Barkley. He is still the Father or Parent of modern research on ADHD. However, I recently read, “Scattered but Smart (SBS),” by Dawson and Guare and I’m glad to say that this book is an excellent addition to the understanding and treatment of ADHD. This book attributes much of ADHD to deficits in Executive Skills. These skills include the ability to initiate and sustain a task, as well as planning and organizing.

SBS doesn’t stop with helping us understand the underlying causes of ADHD, but provides some very detailed plans for improving the deficient skills.

Deficient skills include:

-Getting Ready in the Morning

-Bedroom Cleaning

-Putting Belongings Away

-Organizing Notebooks/Homework

-Learning to Control a Temper

-Learning to Solve Problems

There are lots of resources in this book and I highly recommend it! There are assessment tools that you can use to determine which areas your child needs improvement.

Regardless of whether you get the kindle or hard copy versions, the authors have provided links to download several useful tools.

I also recommend bringing your child to True North at 502-777-7525 and let us coach you in the process of supporting your child with this potentially debilitating disorder.

Teens and Suicide

/in , /by

The local headlines this past month included the tragic loss of a 10-year old boy to suicide. I’m certain that no parent or grandparent ever gets over this. One of the few details that was shared in the Courier Journal was that he was bullied. I want to address the issue of Bullying in a later blog because it affects lots of kids and teens and it’s a very complicated behavior.

Suicide is very rare with children. Not so with Teens.

Consider the current trends:

-In 2016 adolescents and young adults aged 15 to 24 had a suicide rate of 13.15.

-8.6% of youth in grades 9 through 12 reported that they made at least one suicide attempt in the past 12 months.

-Girls attempt suicide twice as often as boys.

-Approximately 1,500 teenagers will attempt suicide in the next 24 hours.

-15.8% of youths in grades 9 through 12 reported that they had seriously considered attempting suicide during the past 12 months.

Teenagers send signals that something is wrong. They tend to be in clusters. If we suspected a teen at risk for suicide because they were sleeping too much, then many teens would be at risk. We are looking for changes in the typical functioning of your teen. We are looking for changes in a cluster of behaviors. These signals indicate that your teen might be at risk.

What are some of the Danger Signs?

–Hopeless comments such as, “nothing really matters,” or “I just want to end it all.”

–Sleep problems including sleeping too much or too little, insomnia, waking up often while sleeping.

-Preoccupation with death such as a fascination with music, art work, or poetry that has morbid themes.

–School problems such as difficulty keeping grades up.

-Signs of depression such as feelings of worthlessness, social withdraw, loss of appetite, increased irritability,  and a “down” expression.

There are events that can increase the likelihood of suicide thoughts or events. These include:

Potential Triggering Life Events:

-The recent loss or threat of loss of a friend or family member through serious illness, death, separation, divorce or change in residence.

I cannot emphasize the importance of calling a counseling center if you are concerned about your son, daughter, grandson or granddaughter. There are things that you can do to help them through these very vulnerable years.

There is a wonderful app called, “A Friend Asks” that I high recommend. It was developed by The Jason foundation. JFI is a nationally recognized leader in youth suicide awareness and prevention. This app is for teens that are considering suicide and for their friends. It help teens help their friends that might be considering suicide. An excellent app.

Here are some numbers that might come in handy. Hopefully you’ll never need them, but please keep them just in case.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8225

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Afsp.org

The Suicide Prevention Resource Center

Sprc.org

Friday Waypoints- 02-21-19

/in , , /by

Podcast I’m Listening to

I’ve been a big fan of Sam Harris because of the work he’s done on Mindfulness. He has an app called “Waking Up” and a Podcast entitled, “Making Sense.” This past week the podcast episode #147 was an interview with Stephen Fry. Fry is an English actor, comedian, writer and activist. If you’ve listened to the Harry Potter books, it’s his voice you will hear.

Harris and Fry spend much of this podcast talking about mindfulness and meditation. There are literally thousands of podcasts to listen to while you’re driving.  If you’re looking for a few to follow, consider these:

  • Optimal Health Daily
  • The Daily Meditation Podcast
  • Happiness Podcast
  • Meditate and Move
  • Optimal Living Daily
  • Stoic Meditations

Lessons from My Clients

Most of my practice has been with Teenagers and their families. What I have observed and seen with many of these teens is that life can be a struggle. In fact, it can overwhelm them. Many are experiencing anxiety and mild depression and they can’t seem to shake it. It’s partly due to social media and technology, but it’s mostly due to cultural influences. What I mean by that is the that teens are affected by the things we value and spend our time doing. Teenagers today are under a lot of stress. They struggle with finding meaning in life. Life is getting more and more complicated at home, at school, in the community, and with peers.

What I relearned this past week is that sometimes our teens simply need to talk to someone about their worries and fears. I saw the burden lifted as a wonderful young man simply talked and I listened.

I Lost a Good Friend This Past Week

There are few things that bring things into perspective like losing a lifelong friend. Life really is short. Without going into details, most of my adolescence was coupled with him. I admired him, I never felt judgment from him. We supported each other through our hardships, but these past few years he was in unbearable pain.

I am sad for many reasons. This is a great loss for many people. He was an intelligent man and for many years, was full of life. I will miss him.

And as we do with many of our losses, we live with them. I will live with this loss.  I will live. “Life is to be lived,” as the saying goes. And it is short and fragile. Remembering that, and remembering my dear friend’s life, will hopefully inspire me as it did when he was alive.

 

If You have a Teenager You Better Know about Vaping

/in , /by

Alarming Trends:

-Currently 1 in 4 Middle School and High School students have used a vape pen or e-cigarette, 1 in 6 over the past 30 days.

-There is evidence to suggest that e-cigarette use increases the risk of using combustible cigarettes.

-Nearly 6 in 10 cigarette users also us e-cigarettes. This is a two-way relationship.

-A recent study found that teens who use e-cigarettes are 4 times more likely to begin smoking tobacco cigarettes within 18 months when compared to teens that do not vape.

-E-Cigarettes are now the most commonly used tobacco product among teenagers.

What are Vape Pens or E-Cigarettes?

They are electronic nicotine delivery devices, plain and simple. They come in many flavors and are called by various names: e-cigs, vape pens, e-hookahs, vapes, and mods just to name a few. Make no mistake, if your teen is using a vape pen, it is delivering nicotine.

Why are E-Cigarettes so Popular with Teens?

Three reasons:

1. Curiosity.

2. Flavors. 8 of 10 teen users use flavored e-cigarettes. In a recent study, the primary reason that teens use is because “they come in flavors that I like.”

3. Teens believe that e-cigarettes are safer. 1 in 5 teens believe that e-cigarettes cause no harm.

Are E-Cigarettes Harmful to Teens?

Simply put, YES!

-Nicotine disrupts the development of brain circuits that control attention and learning.

-Nicotine use by teens can puts them at risk for mood disorders and permanently lowering their impulse control.

-The nicotine in e-cigarettes affects development of the brain’s reward system, making them more susceptible to addiction to other drugs.

-Although e-cigarettes are safer than combustible cigarettes, there are still many questions being asked about the health risks of e-cigarette aerosol. There is no question, however, that nicotine exposure poses a major health risk for teens.

What Can You Do?

First, do not be hoodwinked. If your teen is using e-cigarettes, they are using nicotine.

Second, treat them as combustible cigarettes and let them know that you know!

Third, prohibit the use of e-cigarettes by your teens. I understand that this is not going to be easy, but you have to start by setting limits. You can randomly use a urine test to hold them accountable.

Fourth, educate them about e-cigarettes.

Fifth, if you have tried everything, enroll them in our Stop Vaping-Education Group at True North Counseling. This group is called: Salvage and is somewhat of an acronym for Stop Vaping Group Education. Salvage means: to preserve something from potential loss or adverse circumstances. We want to preserve the health and welfare of your teens. Call 502-777-7525 for more information.

What’s Wrong with My Teenager?

/in , /by

I’ve been listening to a series of lectures on Audible entitled, “Understanding the Mysteries of Human Behavior,” by Mark Leary, Ph.D. He’s a professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke University. I’m going to be sharing several of his topics over the next few months. The one that caught my eye was, “Why Don’t Adolescents Behave like Adults?” Here are some of his thoughts:

First, there tends to be more family conflict when kids transition into adolescence.

The good news is that this conflict generally is short-lived (lasting the first couple of years of adolescence) and generally focused on minor issues such as their personal appearance, dating, family rules, and curfews. The reason for these conflicts seem to be rooted in the teen’s desire to establish their independence, which is a healthy and important part of their development.

Second, Teens tend to display more rapid and extreme mood swings when they enter into adolescence.

Certainly, hormones play a role in these emotional swings, but researchers are looking at the role that stress plays in mood instability. Leary points out that, “Adolescence involves major personal and social changes and transitions that would be stressful at any age, but for a young person without much life experience, these changes can be overwhelming.” Increased stress equals increased mood instability.

Third, teenagers tend to display an increase in risky behaviors which, as Leary points out, “have the potential to harm them or others.”

I see a lot of these teens, and here’s what’s happening in their brains. This increase in risky behavior is due to the interplay between two distinct networks in the brain. The first network is the socioemotional network. This network process rewards, especially social rewards. As a child enters adolescence, the reward center of the brain changes and teenagers begin to pay more attention to potentially rewarding experiences. The cognitive control network controls what is typically called executive functioning and involves functions such as planning and impulse control. Unfortunately, this network develops gradually throughout adolescence and matures by the mid-twenties. One system is telling the teen to speed up and the other is telling them to slow down. Unfortunately, the cognitive control network can be outmatched by the socioemotional network. It’s like putting a new driver behind the wheel of a race car.

So, to address the question, “What’s wrong with my teenager,” the answer is nothing.

Teens are becoming something. They are becoming adults and stretching the wings that one day they will be using independently. They are testing boundaries that one day will not be there and they are exploring and taking risks that one day will be wonderful growth experiences. But until they become adults, they need our guidance, support, teachable moments, patience, and they need a gradually increased amount of freedom to become the people that you have raised them to become.

I often hear extended family members counsel younger parents. The younger parents are overwhelmed and exhausted with the the task of raising children. Aunt Susan will respond with, “If you think it’s bad now, wait until they’re teenagers.” I couldn’t disagree more! Yes, it’s painful at times watching them transition into an adult, but it’s also one of the most reward times that you will have with them. Understanding what’s going on is the key to looking forward to it and even enjoying it!!!!