Tag Archive for: counselor

waypoints

Friday Waypoints- 06/21/19

Being a Father

I spent some time this past week reflecting on fatherhood. I look into the mirror and more often than not, I see my father. It scares me sometimes, but not because I don’t like what I see, but because I didn’t expect to see Jerry Neese in the mirror. My father was a very handsome man. I loved seeing him put on his suit every morning to go to work. The summer after I graduated from High School, I worked with him as I waited to enter the Air Force later that Fall. I loved going to lunch with him and his staff and I was so proud to be his son. I remember the morning he drove me to the airport to travel to San Antonio to enlist. He told me that he was a little envious of me because of the the new journey that I was beginning. It’s a wonderful memory. I do not remember ever have a cross word with him. I never remember a feeling of disappointment from him.

We clinicians describe that as having a strong attachment figure. It didn’t stop at 18 years old. It continued until the day he died at 82. I remember those hugs from a 6’ 4” man. I had to step on my tippy toes to hug my father. We said that we loved each other.

John Bowby wrote, “Throughout the adult life the availability of a responsive attachment figure remains the source of a person’s feeling secure. All of us, from cradle to the grave, are happiest when life is organized as a series of excursions, long or short, from the secure base provided by our attachment figures.”

My life has been a series of long and short excursions from the secure base of my father’s (and of course my mother’s) love and acceptance. And they have been happy excursions!

Thank you Dad for being a loving, gentle and strong father for me and my brothers and sisters.

Electronic Nicotine Organization

I’ve been asked to sit on the advisory panel for Electronic Nicotine Organization. Tom Popescu recently started this organization to address the problem with Teenagers using nicotine vape pens. We will look back on these days and see them as pivotal for preventing this young generation from becoming addicted to nicotine and cigarettes. Support this organization!

Tom Popescu, the President of ENO writes, “Our goals are to: educate youth and adults of the consequences of electronic cigarettes, inform policy makers and help shape the debate, utilize social media influencers to expand awareness, counteract the marketing efforts of vaping and tobacco companies, create a support platform and resources for users who are addicted, and develop a mobile app for on demand counselors for users and research.”

Friday Waypoints- 6/14/19

What I’m Reading

“Changing Body Composition through Diet and Exercise” by Michael Ormsbee, Ph.D.

I’m actually listening to this book on Audible. I’m on the road a lot and I spend most of this time listening to books. Ormsbee writes, “Improving body composition by losing body fat and optimizing lean is not about vanity –it’s about health.”

This book is not about losing weight. It’s about decreasing the amount of body fat in your body and it’s about insuring that you do not lose muscle mass. I like this approach because I do not want to lose weight. My BMI puts me in the overweight category, but that’s because I work out and exercise regularly. I realized years ago that you begin losing muscle mass as you age and I have worked very hard to maintain and grow muscle. I “preach” to clients, “You need to work at becoming stronger as you age.” Maintaining your lean muscle mass is one way of do this. Ormsbee does a very good job explaining the basics of nutrition and puts the focus on the right things.

What Are You Listening To?

Apple Music is introducing me to new music and helping me stay in touch with my favorites. Just hit the “For You” tab on the app and you get the option of “New Music Mix,” “Favorites Mix,” and “Chill Mix.”

Don’t underestimate the power of music in your life. Recently, I’ve been utilizing the Mindfulness Meditation that encourages you to “Step in the Feeling.” This could include “stepping into the sadness. Most of us DO NOT like listening to “sad” music, but there can be something therapeutic about purposely sitting during a mindfulness session and “stepping into sadness” while listening to sad music.

Of course, listening to “happy and upbeat” music is important too! I’m listening to some past favorites right now and this music is conjuring up many memories associated with that music. Let music by thy medicine.

Families Want to Get Along

One of the reasons I love what I do is the desire that most families have to get along. They want to end the conflict. They come to me hoping that I can help and many times I can.

Raising teenagers is not easy! Teenagers are under a lot of pressure! Neither Parents not teens want to fight and when I see them years later, they scratch their heads and wonder why there was so much conflict.

This week, I witnessed a wonderful family following the “therapeutic map” that I laid out before them. I saw them all working together. And they left with smiles on their face because they saw something work. It keeps my compass pointed toward “True North.”

Five Steps to Recharging Your Professional and Personal Lives

A guest blog by Life & Career Coach Julie Morris

We all want success in our professional lives, but we need the right balance to avoid burning out. That may mean spending more time with loved ones or pulling back from commitments. By making adjustments, you can give yourself solid foundations to keep on thriving.

Recognize Your Stressors

One of the first steps to a healthier relationship with work is knowing your stressors and having techniques to manage them. Take a moment to think about your stress levels and how you react to specific triggers, like having an upset stomach or becoming irritable. Are you weighed down by financial issues, or have you taken on extra responsibilities to impress or support colleagues? Is there tension with someone, or do you feel like you have few opportunities for “you time”? Consider writing a journal to help you identify triggers, and process what you are facing. By being aware of stressors, you can prepare the way forward to dealing with them.

Allow Yourself Breaks

Do you find yourself still working at home, answering emails, or taking on a backlog of household chores? It adds up, and that can not only impact your career but cause stress and exhaust your whole being. So, make home your sanctuary, somewhere you can relax and do things that bring you joy. This might involve bingeing a favorite show or spending time on creative pursuits. To help your efforts, consider delegating chores to others, like hiring an interior cleaning service. After all, in Louisville, it will set you back by only $119 to 231 on average, yet the benefits could ultimately be priceless. Use these services as an opportunity to let yourself have moments to yourself without feeling guilty. Remember, you are still productive, but to truly thrive, you need to recuperate and recover.

Get Sleep

The benefits of being well-rested are plentiful, from improving focus and memory to strengthening physical health and making you less susceptible to conditions like depression. As a start to improving slumber, try to stick to a regular pattern, including weekends and days off, as this can help you get ready for sleep. Your internal clock can also benefit from keeping your bedroom dark and cool. If you are still restless, check your mattress and pillows to see if they need replacing; you can find a comfortable new mattress for as little as $200. While getting enough sleep is easier said than done, the effort is worthwhile.

Invest in Relationships

Whether at home or work, relationships are important to your well-being and overall success in life. Unfortunately, a busy workload can eat into our time with loved ones, but we can counter this by planning ahead and setting specific dates. This not only lets you adapt your schedule to meet your personal needs, but having something set in stone can also ensure that nothing gets in the way. When it comes to work, don’t hesitate to reach out to colleagues, especially if you feel overwhelmed, and always show a willingness to listen and support them. Likewise, be open with others, and remind yourself that you too deserve support.

Balance Your Schedule

Without a balanced schedule, your well-being cannot improve. You need a routine that works for you, and this may involve cutting back on responsibilities that add to your strain. To aid this, prioritize your personal and work commitments, but be objective with your daily activities. You may be volunteering for an organization or doing overtime to help someone else, but adding to your workload does you no good. This may sound daunting, particularly if you have to say “no” to others, but by maximizing your time, you can boost your focus and energy for all your goals.

You deserve a flourishing professional career and a personal space where you can be happy and thrive. Give yourself a break, get the rest you need, and build a supportive network. With a coordinated strategy, you can re-energize yourself and enjoy success.

Julie Morris

Life and Career Coach 

Image courtesy of Pixabay.

Friday Waypoints

Friday Waypoints – 05/17/19

Mark Neese is back with another Friday Waypoints blog post. On this weeks Friday Waypoints, Mark discusses how drugs cause parents to abandon their children, why the internet is a dangerous place for teens, and he revisits The Parklands of Floyd Forks. Mark discusses his previous visit to The Parklands of Floyd Forks, a hidden gem in Louisville, KY, in his Friday Waypoints on 5/10.

Drugs and Parents that Abandon Their Kids

I’ve been working with families for about 25 years. My early career was working in the rural counties surrounding Louisville. The families that I worked with were struggling with poverty and at times intellectual disabilities. It was challenging and rewarding. Every now and then I run into one of the family members that I worked with and it is very gratifying to see them doing well these many years later.

Today things are different. I have never witnessed an epidemic as I have today: parents abandoning their children because of drugs. This past weekend was Mother’s Day and two of the teens that I work with wanted to call and talk with their mothers but were unable to contact them because they were both AWOL. Both mothers are semi-homeless and have serious drug problems. To compound the problem, one of the teens witnessed his father being taken away in an ambulance because of a suspected overdose, on the very same day. Not such a “Happy Mother’s Day.”

Meditating in The Parklands of Floyds Fork (Reprise)

I was back at the Parklands yesterday to visit the Moss Gibbs Woodland Gardens. It is the gem of the new park system. It’s beautiful, and quiet, and I anticipate spending many of my mornings there. I’m practicing Mindfulness and using guided meditations by Donald Seigel. For those interested in learning more you can visit his website for free meditation downloads: http://www.mindfulness-solution.com.

The meditation that I used yesterday while sitting in the midst of the garden was one that focused on self-compassion. During this meditation you focus on the phrases: “May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live at ease,” or “May I be safe, may I be at peace, may I be free from suffering.” You can do this while driving, walking or sitting in a quiet place in your home. The Woodland Garden offers a place to sit quietly and listen to the Towhees, wrens and Cardinals. It offers a place to be part of a forest.

The Internet is a Dangerous Place for Teens

I am working with a Teen that was nearly swallowed up by Internet. Her mother saved her. It started with the website, “Wattpad.” This is a social storytelling platform. It ended with her sending pictures of herself to perfect strangers through a group on Instagram: #ddlg. She was being groomed for something dangerous and evil.

These are adult sites and 13-year olds should not be on them! She had no clue what she was getting into.

Parents, monitor your teenagers on the internet. There are predators that will take advantage of their innocence and take it from them!

Quote I’m Pondering

“Your smile and your laughter lit my whole world.”

Ranata Suzuki

Vaping FAQs

The Next Scourge (a term I never use) of Our Country: Teen Vaping

Leave it to the Tobacco Industry to figure out a way to get more people addicted to nicotine at a time when smoking in this country has been in decline.

Here is their approach: 1) Target teenagers, 2) Make the product very cool (sexy), 3) Make it in as many flavors as possible, and 4) Put nicotine in the product.

The result: Teenagers are increasingly using vape pens (e-cigarettes) and becoming addicted to nicotine and putting themselves at risk of smoking combustible cigarettes.

In case you have no idea what I’m talking about, here are some FAQs (Courtesy of Smoke Free America) about vaping:

Vaping FAQs

What is vaping?

Vaping is the act of inhaling a vaporized liquid from an electronic device. The vapor commonly contains nicotine, flavoring and other additives. It also can contain THC, the chemical in marijuana that makes the user feel “high.”

What are the different vape products?

Popular terms for vaping devices include JUULs, e-cigarettes, e-cigs, smokeless cigarettes, vaporizers, vape, vape pens, vapor pens, mods, tanks, cigalikes, e-hookah and hookah pens. These vary widely in size, shape and design. Some look like computer flash drives or highlighters, while others are bulky and box-like.

What is in a vape juice or e-liquid?

Vape juice, e-liquid, JUULpods – these are all names for the liquid that is vaporized into an aerosol cloud. Vape juice most commonly contains three ingredients: propylene glycol and/or glycerin, chemicals for flavoring, and nicotine. 

The pods for JUULs, the brand name of the most popular vaping device among teens, contains nicotine 100 percent of the time. The amount of nicotine in one JUULpod has the same amount of nicotine in an entire pack of cigarettes. Some vape pods can also contain THC, the chemical in marijuana that makes the user feel “high.” Complicating the issue, vaping doesn’t give off the telltale smell of smoking marijuana or cigarettes.

Is vaping healthier than smoking cigarettes?

Though some may claim vaping is less dangerous than traditional cigarettes, that doesn’t mean that vaping is safe. In other words, “safer” doesn’t mean safe. Studies have shown that the aerosol vapor can contain dangerous toxins, including heavy metals and chemicals known to cause cancer and other diseases. 1

Most vape devices contain nicotine, which is highly addictive. Human brain development continues far longer than was previously realized (until age 25), and nicotine use during adolescence and young adulthood has been associated with lasting brain impairments, including effects on working memory and attention. 2

There are also no standard regulations for vape manufacturers. Even with more than 450 different types of vape products, there are no universal standards for product design, ingredients and safety features. 3

More troubling, some vape products are owned by big tobacco companies, which have a history of prioritizing sales over safety.4

Some teens say they just vape flavors, without nicotine or THC. Is that possible?

While some vapes do not contain nicotine or THC, most do. In fact, 100 percent of JUULs – teens’ top choice for vaping devices – contain nicotine. And each JUUL pod contains the same amount of nicotine as a whole pack of cigarettes. Plus, studies have shown that most vaping products labeled “nicotine free” actually contain nicotine.5 For teens who don’t want to become addicted to nicotine, the safest option is not to vape at all. 

Can teens under age 18 legally vape and buy these products?

Vape devices and paraphernalia cannot legally be sold to or used by anyone under the age of 18. 

How can I tell if or what kids are vaping?

That’s part of the problem – it can be very hard to tell if a teen is vaping. Not only do manufacturers make discreet devices that resemble flash drives, highlighters and more, but they also do not have the same strong odor that is often a giveaway for parents and teachers. Vaping is so discreet, in fact, that students have been known to vape during class.

 

Brain Fog & The Body-Mind Connection

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Brain Fog & The Body-Mind Connection

I’m sitting in a Starbucks this morning in Woodland Park, Colorado. There is snow on the ground and I can’t see Pike’s Peak because of the fog. Winter lasts forever here!

I’ve been reading books on Thyroid health because I’ve been experiencing another type of fog: Brain Fog. As it turns out, my thyroid has been under producing Thyroxine and brain fog is associated with Hypothyroidism.

There is a lot of new thinking about hypothyroidism. Anthony William, in his book, “Thyroid Healing,” suggests that an under-functioning thyroid is one of many symptoms caused by the reactivation of the Epstein-Barr virus (EBV). These other symptoms include: problems with sleep, muscle and joint pain, fatigue, and brain fog or mental fatigue, just to name a few. William also warns that people can also experience an increase in anxiety and depression as a result of EBV reactivation.

Most of us have the EBV in our bodies, but it remains dormant most if not all of our lives. An environmental stressor can reactivate it. He suggests that something as simple as having an old filling replaced or exposure to mold can bring it out of dormancy.

I don’t bring this up to jump into the debate about hypothyroidism, but rather to reassert my belief that “our bodies and minds are so closely connected that they catch each other’s diseases.”

Seeking Treatment

As a clinician who sees people that are struggling each day with anxiety, depression, mental and physical fatigue, I take it very serious to help them consider that these issues could have a physical basis. I insist that they consult a health professional.

I’ve been experiencing “Brain Fog.” It’s possibly being caused by a virus that was reactivated sometime in the past 6 months. Knowing this means that it’s “not in my head,” or “burnout,” or “something wrong with my thinking, such as sabotaging thoughts,” but rather, it’s a virus or low thyroxine production affecting my body.

This means that I can do something about it. I can help my thyroid heal and combat the EBV. It will always be there but hopefully back into dormancy. “Healing Thyroid” offers several nutritional strategies to accomplish this. And of course, exercise, fresh air and the forests will provide the rest.

I want you to know that all of this is supplementing the care from my doctor. I am taking medication to supplement the loss of Thyroxine, and she is monitoring my blood work closely.

It will be a team effort.

Friday Waypoints- 5/3/19

Lessons from My Clients

Mindfulness can help. I am working with several teenagers and my hope is that I can give them tools to help them live life skillfully. Mindfulness can help. I often think that if I can come up with the perfect combination of words for my clients, then they’ll listen and get better. But of course, it’s not that simple. Brandon is a 16-year old adolescent that is struggling with OCD behaviors. I’m learning that Mindfulness helps when words don’t. I’m helping him retrain his anxious brain through deep breathing and mantras. I’m learning that my anxious brain needs some retraining as well. I need reminded again and again. Thank you, Brandon.

Book I’m Reading- “Self-Compassion,” by Kristin Neff Ph.D.

I was introduced to this book while listening to some lectures about mindfulness. What struck me, is the sense of disappointment that hangs over many of our heads. Maybe this is an echo of the voices from our past. Regardless, we are usually our harshest critic.

Self-compassion is the remedy for self-judgment. “Insecurity, anxiety, and depression are incredibly common in our society,” writes Neff, “and much of this is due to self-judgment, to beating ourselves up when we feel we aren’t winning in the game of life.”

Quote I’m Pondering

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

-Anonymous

Road Trip This Week

I’m in Colorado this week visiting my granddaughters. I drive out once a year just to experience the road. It keeps my grounded. I love the convenience of flying, but I need the experience of driving. I use the time to listen to books, podcasts, and music. And I use the time to think. There is something in the hiking world called “Trail Dissociation.” If you’ve done a long hike or backpack trip, you know what I mean. Your mind wanders. The same thing happens when I do a road trip. I think and think, and think about lots and lots of things in no particular order or fashion. It is like meditation and I feel like it’s a “reset.” My body pays for the long trips but my mind reaps the benefits!

 

Friday Waypoints- 3/29/19

Spring!!!!

I was counting down the minutes. In my home I surround myself with pictures of trees, leaves, birds, and landscapes, but nothing brightens my spirits like the beginning of Spring. I felt better at 5:58 PM this past Wednesday. “Behold, my friends,” spoke Sitting Bull, “the Spring is come; the earth has gladly received the embraces of the Sun, and we shall soon see the results of their love.”

I think everyone experiences a little Seasonal Affective Disorder during the Winter months. To combat it, I get out and hike, walk and sit in the Sun. I stay busy with work and play. But still, I drag around in late February and early March.

I want to feel the heat of the Sun and take in its rays. We forget that we are solar-powered. Elon Musk has pointed out.

What most people know but don’t realize they know is that the world is almost entirely solar-powered already. If the sun wasn’t there, we’d be a frozen ice ball at three degrees Kelvin, and the sun powers the entire system of precipitation. The whole ecosystem is solar-powered.”

Spend time this Spring getting energized by the Sun. We’ll get an extra minute or two each day to enjoy.

Moving and the Art of Throwing Things Away

I hate moving and I had to move this past week. I’m sure you hate moving too! But moving presents us with the opportunity to get rid of some of the things that we have collected over the years, things that we do not want or need.

When I move, I usually order a dumpster and I begin throwing things away. Don’t get me wrong, I never get rid of family photos or keepsakes, and I don’t throw away things that other people can use. I load up bags and give them to a charity organization. But somethings need to be thrown away.

Here is the principle that I use: If I haven’t seen it, used it, worn it, or thought about it for the past 5 years (you pick the time frame), I get rid of it.

I get rid of it and feel lighter. I feel better. That’s the Art of Throwing Things Away!

What I’m Reading

I’m reading a couple of books on adolescent sexuality. The first is “Puberty, Sexuality and the Self: Girls and Boys at Adolescence,” by Karin martin. Martin interviewed 55 teenagers to analyze the effects of puberty on sexuality for teens.

The Second book is “Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends,” by Susan Moore and Doreen Rosenthal. They look at the current trends and research affecting healthy maturation in teens.  I believe that it’s very important for Therapists and Counselors that work with teens to understand the cultural pressures that they face in their growth as humans and this includes human sexuality. Most of the teens that I see struggle with their sexuality. They need our help!

My Child has ADHD, What Can I Do?

I began my practice twenty-three years ago working with children with ADHD. I saw kids, usually boys, that were having difficulty with peers, school and their parents. They had difficulty following rules. They had difficulty with getting organized. They had difficulty sustaining their attention. And they were becoming depressed.

It is not unusual for kids with ADHD to also have anxiety and depression. It makes sense. They get a lot of negative attention and it affects their self-esteem and mood. Imagine being the child in school that is constantly getting redirected and spotlighted by the teacher. I’m not blaming the teacher, but kids with ADHD need a lot of the teacher’s time and energy. I can understand it if these kiddos interpret this as, “There’s something wrong with me.” These kids need our help.

My early research and reading took me to the author, Russell Barkley. He is still the Father or Parent of modern research on ADHD. However, I recently read, “Scattered but Smart (SBS),” by Dawson and Guare and I’m glad to say that this book is an excellent addition to the understanding and treatment of ADHD. This book attributes much of ADHD to deficits in Executive Skills. These skills include the ability to initiate and sustain a task, as well as planning and organizing.

SBS doesn’t stop with helping us understand the underlying causes of ADHD, but provides some very detailed plans for improving the deficient skills.

Deficient skills include:

-Getting Ready in the Morning

-Bedroom Cleaning

-Putting Belongings Away

-Organizing Notebooks/Homework

-Learning to Control a Temper

-Learning to Solve Problems

There are lots of resources in this book and I highly recommend it! There are assessment tools that you can use to determine which areas your child needs improvement.

Regardless of whether you get the kindle or hard copy versions, the authors have provided links to download several useful tools.

I also recommend bringing your child to True North at 502-777-7525 and let us coach you in the process of supporting your child with this potentially debilitating disorder.

Friday Waypoints- 02-21-19

Podcast I’m Listening to

I’ve been a big fan of Sam Harris because of the work he’s done on Mindfulness. He has an app called “Waking Up” and a Podcast entitled, “Making Sense.” This past week the podcast episode #147 was an interview with Stephen Fry. Fry is an English actor, comedian, writer and activist. If you’ve listened to the Harry Potter books, it’s his voice you will hear.

Harris and Fry spend much of this podcast talking about mindfulness and meditation. There are literally thousands of podcasts to listen to while you’re driving.  If you’re looking for a few to follow, consider these:

  • Optimal Health Daily
  • The Daily Meditation Podcast
  • Happiness Podcast
  • Meditate and Move
  • Optimal Living Daily
  • Stoic Meditations

Lessons from My Clients

Most of my practice has been with Teenagers and their families. What I have observed and seen with many of these teens is that life can be a struggle. In fact, it can overwhelm them. Many are experiencing anxiety and mild depression and they can’t seem to shake it. It’s partly due to social media and technology, but it’s mostly due to cultural influences. What I mean by that is the that teens are affected by the things we value and spend our time doing. Teenagers today are under a lot of stress. They struggle with finding meaning in life. Life is getting more and more complicated at home, at school, in the community, and with peers.

What I relearned this past week is that sometimes our teens simply need to talk to someone about their worries and fears. I saw the burden lifted as a wonderful young man simply talked and I listened.

I Lost a Good Friend This Past Week

There are few things that bring things into perspective like losing a lifelong friend. Life really is short. Without going into details, most of my adolescence was coupled with him. I admired him, I never felt judgment from him. We supported each other through our hardships, but these past few years he was in unbearable pain.

I am sad for many reasons. This is a great loss for many people. He was an intelligent man and for many years, was full of life. I will miss him.

And as we do with many of our losses, we live with them. I will live with this loss.  I will live. “Life is to be lived,” as the saying goes. And it is short and fragile. Remembering that, and remembering my dear friend’s life, will hopefully inspire me as it did when he was alive.