Tag Archive for: inspiration

Friday Waypoints- 6/14/19

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What I’m Reading

“Changing Body Composition through Diet and Exercise” by Michael Ormsbee, Ph.D.

I’m actually listening to this book on Audible. I’m on the road a lot and I spend most of this time listening to books. Ormsbee writes, “Improving body composition by losing body fat and optimizing lean is not about vanity –it’s about health.”

This book is not about losing weight. It’s about decreasing the amount of body fat in your body and it’s about insuring that you do not lose muscle mass. I like this approach because I do not want to lose weight. My BMI puts me in the overweight category, but that’s because I work out and exercise regularly. I realized years ago that you begin losing muscle mass as you age and I have worked very hard to maintain and grow muscle. I “preach” to clients, “You need to work at becoming stronger as you age.” Maintaining your lean muscle mass is one way of do this. Ormsbee does a very good job explaining the basics of nutrition and puts the focus on the right things.

What Are You Listening To?

Apple Music is introducing me to new music and helping me stay in touch with my favorites. Just hit the “For You” tab on the app and you get the option of “New Music Mix,” “Favorites Mix,” and “Chill Mix.”

Don’t underestimate the power of music in your life. Recently, I’ve been utilizing the Mindfulness Meditation that encourages you to “Step in the Feeling.” This could include “stepping into the sadness.” Most of us DO NOT like listening to “sad” music, but there can be something therapeutic about purposely sitting during a mindfulness session and “stepping into sadness” while listening to sad music.

Of course, listening to “happy and upbeat” music is important too! I’m listening to some past favorites right now and this music is conjuring up many memories associated with that music. Let music by thy medicine.

Families Want to Get Along

One of the reasons I love what I do is the desire that most families have to get along. They want to end the conflict. They come to me hoping that I can help and many times I can.

Raising teenagers is not easy! Teenagers are under a lot of pressure! Neither Parents not teens want to fight and when I see them years later, they scratch their heads and wonder why there was so much conflict.

This week, I witnessed a wonderful family following the “therapeutic map” that I laid out before them. I saw them all working together. And they left with smiles on their face because they saw something work. It keeps my compass pointed toward “True North.”

Friday Waypoints

Friday Waypoints – 05/17/19

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Mark Neese is back with another Friday Waypoints blog post. On this weeks Friday Waypoints, Mark discusses how drugs cause parents to abandon their children, why the internet is a dangerous place for teens, and he revisits The Parklands of Floyd Forks. Mark discusses his previous visit to The Parklands of Floyd Forks, a hidden gem in Louisville, KY, in his Friday Waypoints on 5/10.

Drugs and Parents that Abandon Their Kids

I’ve been working with families for about 25 years. My early career was working in the rural counties surrounding Louisville. The families that I worked with were struggling with poverty and at times intellectual disabilities. It was challenging and rewarding. Every now and then I run into one of the family members that I worked with and it is very gratifying to see them doing well these many years later.

Today things are different. I have never witnessed an epidemic as I have today: parents abandoning their children because of drugs. This past weekend was Mother’s Day and two of the teens that I work with wanted to call and talk with their mothers but were unable to contact them because they were both AWOL. Both mothers are semi-homeless and have serious drug problems. To compound the problem, one of the teens witnessed his father being taken away in an ambulance because of a suspected overdose, on the very same day. Not such a “Happy Mother’s Day.”

Meditating in The Parklands of Floyds Fork (Reprise)

I was back at the Parklands yesterday to visit the Moss Gibbs Woodland Gardens. It is the gem of the new park system. It’s beautiful, and quiet, and I anticipate spending many of my mornings there. I’m practicing Mindfulness and using guided meditations by Donald Seigel. For those interested in learning more you can visit his website for free meditation downloads: http://www.mindfulness-solution.com.

The meditation that I used yesterday while sitting in the midst of the garden was one that focused on self-compassion. During this meditation you focus on the phrases: “May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live at ease,” or “May I be safe, may I be at peace, may I be free from suffering.” You can do this while driving, walking or sitting in a quiet place in your home. The Woodland Garden offers a place to sit quietly and listen to the Towhees, wrens and Cardinals. It offers a place to be part of a forest.

The Internet is a Dangerous Place for Teens

I am working with a Teen that was nearly swallowed up by Internet. Her mother saved her. It started with the website, “Wattpad.” This is a social storytelling platform. It ended with her sending pictures of herself to perfect strangers through a group on Instagram: #ddlg. She was being groomed for something dangerous and evil.

These are adult sites and 13-year olds should not be on them! She had no clue what she was getting into.

Parents, monitor your teenagers on the internet. There are predators that will take advantage of their innocence and take it from them!

Quote I’m Pondering

“Your smile and your laughter lit my whole world.”

― Ranata Suzuki

Friday Waypoints- 3/29/19

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Spring!!!!

I was counting down the minutes. In my home I surround myself with pictures of trees, leaves, birds, and landscapes, but nothing brightens my spirits like the beginning of Spring. I felt better at 5:58 PM this past Wednesday. “Behold, my friends,” spoke Sitting Bull, “the Spring is come; the earth has gladly received the embraces of the Sun, and we shall soon see the results of their love.”

I think everyone experiences a little Seasonal Affective Disorder during the Winter months. To combat it, I get out and hike, walk and sit in the Sun. I stay busy with work and play. But still, I drag around in late February and early March.

I want to feel the heat of the Sun and take in its rays. We forget that we are solar-powered. Elon Musk has pointed out.

“What most people know but don’t realize they know is that the world is almost entirely solar-powered already. If the sun wasn’t there, we’d be a frozen ice ball at three degrees Kelvin, and the sun powers the entire system of precipitation. The whole ecosystem is solar-powered.”

Spend time this Spring getting energized by the Sun. We’ll get an extra minute or two each day to enjoy.

Moving and the Art of Throwing Things Away

I hate moving and I had to move this past week. I’m sure you hate moving too! But moving presents us with the opportunity to get rid of some of the things that we have collected over the years, things that we do not want or need.

When I move, I usually order a dumpster and I begin throwing things away. Don’t get me wrong, I never get rid of family photos or keepsakes, and I don’t throw away things that other people can use. I load up bags and give them to a charity organization. But somethings need to be thrown away.

Here is the principle that I use: If I haven’t seen it, used it, worn it, or thought about it for the past 5 years (you pick the time frame), I get rid of it.

I get rid of it and feel lighter. I feel better. That’s the Art of Throwing Things Away!

What I’m Reading

I’m reading a couple of books on adolescent sexuality. The first is “Puberty, Sexuality and the Self: Girls and Boys at Adolescence,” by Karin martin. Martin interviewed 55 teenagers to analyze the effects of puberty on sexuality for teens.

The Second book is “Sexuality in Adolescence: Current Trends,” by Susan Moore and Doreen Rosenthal. They look at the current trends and research affecting healthy maturation in teens.  I believe that it’s very important for Therapists and Counselors that work with teens to understand the cultural pressures that they face in their growth as humans and this includes human sexuality. Most of the teens that I see struggle with their sexuality. They need our help!

Friday Waypoints- 02/01/19

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My Choice of Music this Morning-

Sometimes I need music to comfort me. Most therapists experience a lot of chaos in their work from week to week. I’m sure you can imagine. With new therapists that I train, I preach a lot about “self-care.” I encourage them to do the things that help them decompress and recharge. That could be going to the movies, hanging out with their friends and family members, reading mystery novels, exercising, as well as enjoying hobbies, crafts, and yes, music. One of the best gifts anyone has given me over the past decade or two was from my son, Trevor, who left me his iTunes music library when he left to live in Colorado. I couldn’t believe what I was listening to. Wonderful music. It changed my life. Who hasn’t listened to “Tables for Glass,” by Jimmy Eat World, and hasn’t been changed? “It happens too fast, to make sense of it, to make it last.” Life does happen too fast!

And on this cold winter morning, I’m listening to Libera. This is a Boys Choir. And at this moment, I’m listening to Voca Me. And my psyche, my soul, is being soothed. It’s mostly in Latin, but the sounds and the harmony comfort me.

Book I’m Reading-

I’ve been reading “Finally Full, Finally Slim,” by Lisa R. Young PhD this week. I was intrigued by the description of her book in the New York Times article, For Real Weight Control, Try Portion Control.”

I have often thought that one of the problems that we experience in this country is the size of our portions. It has been my firm belief that utilizing a “½ portion size” method is a very effective weight-loss strategy. In other words, consider the portions that you want and halve them. The same approach can work in a restaurant. Split your meal with someone else. Lisa Young does a pretty good job of emphasizing the fact that portion sizes have grown dramatically over the decades and we need to consider downsizing them. She also points out that it isn’t just the size of the portions, it’s the type of calorie that we are eating. Most of the book is common sense and there isn’t a lot of new information in it, but it’s worth reminding ourselves that we are eating too much!

Ice Ribbons and Geodes-

I couldn’t wait to get back home from my trip to Colorado to spend time with my peeps and get into the Jefferson Memorial forest. My hike this past weekend seemed to lift all of the travel burdens and all of the weight of local and national news. Hiking isn’t for everyone, but for me, it’s my therapy, my church, my muse, my meditation, and my support group. I look forward to hiking in it for the next 30 years (I will be 92!).

For those of you that are familiar with Christian Scriptures, there is the parable of the farmer that is plowing in the field and comes across a treasure and sells everything to buy the field. At times, I feel like that farmer while hiking in the Jefferson Memorial forest. At times I find bird feathers along the trail from turkeys, crows, blue jays and hawks. Their little gifts to me. The geodes in the streams are exciting to find, take home and crack open. And in the winter months, the Ice Ribbons bloom. They are so delicate and beautiful. I see one and get excited because I know there are likely many more. I was not disappointed this past weekend.

Friday Waypoints- 1/4/19

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Four Words- Describe your Resolution in 4 Words.

I started the 30-Day Well Challenge in the New York Times this week. What initially caught my eye were the four words that they used to describe the challenge:

Move. Nourish. Refresh. Connect.

That just about sums up life, at least the important things. They represent four potential goals: 1) I’m going to move more this year. 2) I’m going to eat food that nourishes my body. 3) I’m going to refresh through rest and recreation. 4) I’m going to value the people in my life by staying connected with them.

What four words would you use to describe what you want to emphasize in your new year? What are the things that inspire you? Who are the people that challenge you? Where are the places that you have always wanted to go? What are the events that motivate you to grow?

If I think about it, these might be some words I would use:

Fourteeners. Walking. Read. Family.

Each of these words has a personal significance for me. I’m planning on hiking 4 or 5 Fourteeners (14,000 foot peaks) in Colorado this summer. I have to start getting ready. I have challenged myself to walk 10,000 steps a day this next year. I’m going to read more this year. And I’m going to spend time relaxing with my loved ones.

Maybe you have a special event this year. Maybe you want to run a ½ marathon this year. Maybe you want to reconnect with a family member that you have lost the connection with.

30-Day Well Challenge

I invite you to take up the 30-Day Well Challenge. It’s free and honestly, it seems really fun.

The first challenge is to write a letter to yourself. This letter serves as a coach for the following 30 days.

Each day there is a challenge that “helps you build healthy habits for your body, mind and spirit, one daily challenge at a time.”

Sometimes we need something simple, fun and new to help us get a good start to the new year.

Simply google: New York Times 30-day Well Challenge to get started.

Book I’m Reading- The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday

This is a daily meditation book and could be used to supplement any other daily meditation book you read or could be used by itself.

This morning’s reading is entitled “The Big Three” and it promotes three disciplines as the bedrock of Stoicism and really, wise living:

Control your perceptions.

Direct your actions properly.

Willing accept what’s outside your control.

I find these three concepts very helpful. I look forward to the the next 361 readings.

Friday Waypoints- 12/14/18

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Sometimes you simply need a break. I rarely get sick. Hopefully, it’s because I eat well, exercise, love my family, friends and job, and because I take care of myself. But I was under the weather this past week and I decided to take a day off.

Meaningful Moments- Taking some time off

I really didn’t do a thing. I binge-watched a couple of movie trilogies. Grazed on food throughout the day. I laid around and did nothing.

I felt a little guilt because of my “purpose driven” way of thinking. It’s difficult to disconnect from that.

But I woke up feeling better physically and mentally.  I think that it helped me recover from whatever I had. This is the “body mind connection” that so many have written about. Your body and mind are so closely connected that they catch each other’s diseases. That is a lesson that I continue to learn and apply.

Movie I watched

I am a Veteran. I enjoy watching historical movies about war. I think it’s a “band of Brothers” kind of thing. A friend who enjoys classic movies came over for dinner and he suggested “The Paths of Glory,” starring Kirk Douglas. It was directed by Stanley Kubrick. It’s a movie made in 1957 about WWI.

What I didn’t know about this movie is that it was one of the first anti-war movies made. It was heart wrenching.

Take some time and buy or rent the movie. It won’t change your mind about the senseless nature of most wars, but it will humanize the losses that we experience as a nation and as a people during war.

Lessons from My Clients- Talking Helps

When teenagers and their families come to see me (and other therapists as well) they talk. And they get better. I see it all the time. Things get bottled up and sometimes a teen needs to talk. Talking to me helps and talking to each other helps too. Things can get a little heated during our sessions.

But when family members look at each other and talk and cry, it’s therapeutic.

A 10-year wonderful girl was able to tell her absent father how much he had hurt her by abandoning her. He wasn’t there, but she was able to say the things that she has wanted to say to him. “Daddy, you really hurt me, when you stopped seeing me for no reason.”

She had been blaming herself. We talked. I saw the burden that she was carrying get a little lighter.

A Guide to the Good Life

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“A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy,” by William B. Irvine.

I’m in Colorado visiting my two granddaughters as I write this. I started reading “A Guide to the Good Life” on the plane. It was one of the few times I wanted the flight to last longer. “Just let me finish one more chapter,” I whispered to the pilot.

This is a book about Stoicism and developing a philosophy of life. Classical Stoicism has little to do with the modern definition of a Stoic: One who is seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure, or pain.

“I discovered,” writes Irvine, “that the goal of the Stoics was not to banish emotion from life, but rather, to banish negative emotions.” He explains that a “philosophy of life” is the guiding principle for living, or a way of living that hopefully leads to The Good Life.

Irvine explains that The Good Life has little to do with prosperity. Many people have experienced The Good Life despite the lack of prosperity and, of course, think of all the people that are very prosperous and yet are unhappy and miserable.

I’ll be sharing several Stoic Techniques and ways of living as I digest them. They “hit a nerve” with me and I hope they will with you as well.

Stoic Technique One: Negative Visualization

At the very root of our nature is the notion that we are insatiable. We are never satisfied with what we have. Irvine describes this as the “Satisfaction Treadmill.” We desire something and acquire it. We lose interest in it. We desire something else, and so on. This is also called “Hedonic Adaptation.”

We have all witnessed this in our lives. The new car. The new computer. Fill in the blank. The result is that we experience a lack of happiness with the things in our lives, the people in our lives, our health, our job, and life itself.

One technique for getting off of this treadmill is Negative Visualization.

“This is,” Irvine writes, “the single most valuable technique in the Stoic psychological tool kit.” This technique involves periodically visualizing the possibility that the enjoyment of the people and things in your life will come to an end.

-Regarding our children, when we kiss them as they leave for school, remember that they are mortal and not something that we own. They have been given to us but possibly gone tomorrow.

-Regarding a job, visualize losing it due to no fault of your own.

-Regarding your health, reflecting on what it would mean to lose it due to an accident or illness.

-Regarding your spouse or partner, think about losing them to death or to divorce.

This is not intended to be morbid or for the purpose of robbing you of the joy that these people, activities or things bring to your life.

Rather it is intended to:

-Help you cherish every kiss from your spouse, your partner, or your child.

-Help you appreciate getting up and going to your job each day.

-Get you out and enjoy the health you do have rather than the health problems you have.

-Embrace the life that you have each day.

-Learn to desire the people and things that you already have.

Irvine concludes, “Negative Visualization, rather than making people glum, will increase the extent to which they enjoy the world around them, in as much at it will prevent them from taking that world for granted.”

There is something sobering about thinking that all things and people in our lives are temporary and impermanent. It is sobering to visualize that the life we have will come to an end and that we will eventually lose everything.

This Stoic technique helps us to take live one day at a time and treat the people in our lives as precious and priceless.

I think this is a worthy Philosophy of Life that will help lead us to The Good Life.

I’ll be sharing additional Stoic Techniques in upcoming Blogs. Stay tuned.

Desert Therapy

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7:00 AM, November 13, 2018, EC-1 (Elephant Canyon –Campsite 1), Canyonlands National Park, Utah

There is nothing like the silence of the desert. This very cold morning (20 degrees) is only interrupted by the quiet hiss of the Whisperlite-butane stove heating my morning coffee.

It was cold last night. I had almost all of my cold weather gear on (Expedition this and Expedition that), and bundled up in my 12-degree sleeping bag. I awoke with frozen condensation on the inside of my tent. As I write this, I’m sitting on my 1 lb Helinox chair while the sun is rising.

As I gaze on the canyon walls, the cedars, the dry stream bed, I have a sense that I’m better than most people, but no, rather luckier than most people. Very few eyes, relatively speaking, have witnessed a morning like this, in this place. This place is only for those that are willing to pay the toll. And the toll for this place was a 4-mile hike with 60 lbs. on my back, scrambling in and out of canyons and over slip rock.

As I witnessed this new day in the desert canyon, I remembered that I had carried Edward Abbey’s book “Desert Solitaire,” with me, not the paperback, but the digital copy in my kindle.

And so, I spent the morning soaking up the sun and browsing Abbey’s work.

“Wilderness” he wrote,” is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit, and as vital to our lives as water and good bread. A civilization which destroys what little remains of the wild, the spare, the original, is cutting itself off from its origins and betraying the principle of civilization itself.”

Abbey wrote his autobiography after spending two seasons in the late 1950’s as a park ranger in Arches National Park. He fell in love with the canyons and the desert. It became part of him.

“The love of wilderness is more than a hunger for what is always beyond reach; it is also an expression of loyalty to the earth, the earth which bore us and sustains us, the only home we shall ever know, the only paradise we ever need—if only we had the eyes to see.”

The wilderness changed him and it changes anyone willing to spend time in it.

It can heal you.

I had come here for healing. Not because of the people and things in my life. But because I needed to become a better person for the people and things in my life: to be a better counselor, a better partner, a better parent, and most importantly, a better human. The water was boiling. The sun was warming me now. It felt wonderful!

Friday Waypoints- 11/30/18

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Lessons from my Clients

Solomon (not his real name) reminded me that my efforts and the efforts of the team of people in his life are not in vain.

Solomon is a 26-year old young man, who watched his mother murdered in front of him when he was around 5 years old. She was beaten to death by a jealous boyfriend. Solomon bounced around in what has been called “foster-care drift” for the rest of his childhood. He was sexually abused by the two grown sons of one foster parent. He didn’t finish High School and spent 4 ½ years in jail and prison until they asked me to work with him a couple of years ago. His Case Manager, Abby, from Centerstone has been in court on every occasion and he’s now off probation. He had no ID and no Birth Certificate in order to get an ID. He was denied disability despite his Intellectual Disability. I could go on and on. I helped him order a Birth Certificate from Illinois and we got his ID. Abby has insured that he had a place to live and food every week and TARC tickets to get around town. Chris, from Centerstone is a Job Coach and has a job lined up for him. Mr. Williams from Goodwill is helping Solomon get his GED. Mr. Williams, noticed that Solomon has missed a couple of classes and called Solomon to make sure he didn’t miss any more.

I’ve seen him grow during these past two years. Really, I’ve seen him grow up.

We’ve become his family. Maybe the parents that he didn’t have. We care about him. I pick him up and we talk. I take him to Sunergos Coffee and get him a “fancy drink.”

It’s one of his favorite places.

Mine too!

Book I’m Reading

I continue to study, “A Guide to the Good Life,” by William Irvine. I decided that this would be my Holiday gift to family and friends.

The second Stoic Technique that Irvine shares is “The Dichotomy of Control.” The essence of this technique involves figuring out how much control you have over people, places, and things and then setting goals in your life that reflect the control that you have over those things. As an example, if you decide to play Tennis, it would be helpful to set goals that do not frustrate you and take away your tranquility. “Playing tennis” is an activity that you have some control, but not complete control (sooner or later you’re going to lose).

Instead of setting the unrealistic “external” goal of winning, Irvine suggests that you set an “internal” goal such as: To improve your tennis skills over the course of the next year. You have some control over that.

I encourage you to join me and study the book and begin practicing the Stoic Techniques that lead to the Good Life! More techniques are coming!!!

 

Photo by emme deme designs

Family Hiking Tips

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Why You Should Still Hike in the Fall & Winter

Don’t shy away from hiking with your family during the Fall and Winter months as the positives clearly outweigh the negatives:

  1. NO BUGS!
  2. NO SPIDER WEBS! Those of you that have hiked in the summer months, know the experience of having those yucky spider webs get all over your face…I hate them!!! I’m always glad to let the other hikers hit the trail first and get the spider webs all over their face…but when hiking in the winter, there are no spider webs.
  3. You don’t overheat. A cool morning or afternoon makes hiking in the Fall and Winter more pleasant.
  4. You can see more. The forests change when the leaves fall. I love the view from the ridges of the Jefferson Memorial Forest in the winter.

The Do’s & Don’ts for Family Hiking

Make initial hikes short.  

I recommend 2 miles or less and very little elevation change (see the recommended hike at the end).

Prepare a snack and hot drink.

You want the hike to be fun and rewarding for the kids (and yourself). These can be healthy snacks or not. Chalk it up as a picnic! Plan ahead and purchase a day pack and thermos.

Be positive throughout the hike.

This may be difficult because our children today are very stimulated by electronics. The forest CAN compete but you have to help them shift gears. They will come to love the forest, its sounds, colors, and smells. Help them notice the forest.

Don’t be afraid to be quiet and let the forest teach your children.

Dress Warm.

No one likes to be cold. Pick a sunny Saturday or Sunday with the temperature in the upper 40s or 50s. Any type of sport sneaker will work, and dress with layers so you can shed them if you get warm.

Try This Louisville Hiking Trail First!

The Horine Cemetery Trail, Jefferson Memorial Forest

This is a 2-mile out and back trail, meaning that it is 1 mile out and 1 mile back. There is almost no elevation change, which means a perfect trail for young children.

Directions to the Trailhead Parking lot:

-Take the Gene Snyder Freeway to the New Cut Exit

-Turn Left onto New Cut Road heading toward Fairdale

-Follow New Cut Road for approximately 1.2 miles

-Enter the Roundabout and take the first right onto Mitchell Hill Road

-Follow Mitchell Hill Road for approximately 1 mile

-Turn Left onto Holsclaw Hill Road

-Follow this road up the hill for approximately 1.5 miles

-At the top of the hill take a sharp Right into the Horine Reserve section of the Jefferson Forest

-Follow the road to the parking lot

-Exit your car and walk through the campground gate

-Walk the campground road for approximately .2 miles

You will see the Horine Cemetery sign on the left and a gate just before the porta potty.

This is a beautiful 2-mile hike!

When you get there, let the kids look around while you prepare the snacks and hot chocolate!!

Before going on the hike, you might do a Wikipedia search for the Horine Family and Cemetery. Share the Horine story!

Everything that you see around you once belonged to them.

And now it’s yours.