Tag Archive for: True North Therapy

Mark Neese, Louisville, KY, Healthy Aging Series

How to Make Lemonade | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E17

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Greater Prairie Chickens 

It was the spring of 1973 and we were headed to Prairie Ridge State Park in Central Illinois to watch the courtship of Greater Prairie Chickens. It was my friend Don Andrews, Willard Gray, our 4H County Extension Agent, and me. We drove over on a Friday afternoon. It was 65° when we arrived, not bad for late April. We set up our tent in the park campground while we ate our Little Debbie Cakes and Pringles. And then we froze. The ground was cold without air mattresses. And it snowed overnight. The next morning Don, Willard, and I, woke up and slipped into the bird blind that had been set up at the edge of the field, and we listened for their booming call and then watched them dance.  I’m sharing the actual picture that I took on that trip (See below) along with the picture of the three of us after we returned to Willard‘s house (See above).

Fifty Years Later

That was 50 years ago, and a lot of water has gone under the bridge in those 50 years. For me, it included the Air Force, college, and graduate school.  There was marriage and two sons. Remarriage. Becoming a psychotherapist and a behavior analyst. Co-founding two agencies with my wife. All the while running several half marathons, summitting several 14ers in Colorado, doing the Grand Canyon 20 times, and working hard to keep my weight down, and exercising daily.  

The Lemons

Willard has passed away during this past decade. For Don, it has been a rocky road. Don personifies the saying about being served lemons and making lemonade. You can’t exactly say that he was dealt lemons throughout his life because he made choices that created that lemonade elixir. Don will admit that he made some bad and disastrous decisions. One was deciding to start smoking when he was in his early 30s. The other was to begin self-medicating his past trauma with alcohol. Don’s decade-long smoking habit has wreaked havoc on his cardiovascular system, resulting in a heart attack in his late 50s. He also suffers from COPD which limits his mobility and robs his organs from much needed oxygen. Decades of smoking define who he is today. He confessed to me during our interview that he has stopped smoking this past year.

Making Lemonade


His trauma resulted from being a young gay adolescent, who had grown up in the Catholic Church and in a world were being a gay man meant hiding your true self from everyone. The alcohol treated his fear and anxiety. “I didn’t feel safe,” he explains.
In high school I knew Don was gay. He was my friend. Our paths separated after high school. He moved. I moved. Decades later, I was perusing Facebook and he popped up. I messaged him and called and we talked. Later I visited him. The pandemic was a speed bump, but I scheduled a lunch and we met again. And despite all that he has been through and all of the health issues he has had, Don is one of those lemonade guys. He is resilient and he is in a good place. He had three wake up calls. The heart attack, the afib and hypertension, and his COPD diagnosis, which has resulted in lots of medication. He had a mental health crisis, during these past few years that shook him as well.

He’s much better now. I asked him what changed him. His answer will not surprise you. He said,

“I want to live. I didn’t want to give up on living. Life has something for me in the future.”

Don had to let go of some old lessons and bad examples. He had a maternal grandmother who lived to be 93, despite being a smoker and a heavy drinker. “She got away with it, and I’ll get away with it as well,” he told himself. Some people get lucky. Most of us don’t.

Hopefully, we will all have a moment when we hear that still small voice with us, that changes us forever. It will pull us out of death’s grip. “Life has something for me in the future.”

And then Don did some important things.

First, he quit drinking.
Next, he quit smoking.
And then, he found some very important alliances in the medical and mental health community.

Self-Care

I interpret this as he started taking care of himself. If there is a lesson to be learned from Don it’s that your future is completely dependent on taking care of yourself, changing your lifestyle that includes stop smoking and moderate your drinking, exercise, eat well, get good sleep, blah, blah, blah. 

I sound like a broken record.

Don reached out to his community of friends, family, and helpers. He calls these people a buoy for his well-being.

When I asked him what his advice would be for people in their 40s and 50s here’s what he said:
One, as you get older, do the things that will help you remain healthy.
Two, stop drinking and smoking.
Three, live a life of moderation
Four, create your support system, and stay connected.

Maybe I would add or observe, stay curious and explore. Go birding! Or hiking!

Would it surprise you to know that birds have been a constant in his life these 50 years. He has over 200 bird books in his library and is currently reading “Birds of an Ancient Egypt.

We are planning some birding hikes next spring. At least I hope to.

He seems strong to me. Maybe not physically, although he is well. But his spirit seems strong. That’s what happens when you listen to that inner self. That’s what happens when you take care of yourself. We do not know what kind of future we have been dealt or what kind of future we deal ourselves, but we may get lemons. Don has given us a path for making the most of our circumstances. 

He has shown us how to make lemonade.

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.

True North Counseling, Healthy Aging Series, Louisville, KY

Alzheimer’s: The Good Enough Caregiver | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E16

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There is a manual for almost everything. Like, the “dummies” guides. You know, “Adulting for Dummies,” “Communication Skills for Dummies,” and “Parenting for Dummies.” That was one I could have used 30 years ago.

I loved being a father. I wasn’t perfect. Not even close. I used to give a book to parents called, “The Good Enough Parent.” I think I was good enough. I was there when my two sons were born. I loved bathing them, and yes, changing poopy diapers.

When I became a therapist, my sons were nine and six years old. I read a lot about parenting. Did all that book-learning help me as a parent? I think so. As an example, I learned about Grandma’s Rule. You know, “Eat your broccoli and then you get your ice cream.” I learned about penalty sentences, timeouts, consistency, parental alliances, parental control, picking your battles, and using the carrot not the stick. A Parenting manual would have helped. Everything in one book.

Alzheimer’s Dementia

I have titled season 10, “It’s all About the Engine.” It’s all about taking care of your engine, you know, your brain.  But sometimes your brain gets broken and there’s nothing you can do about it. I shudder as I think about Alzheimer’s Dementia.
I’ve been sharing some stories of people with Alzheimer’s Dementia. I’ve written about the coming storm for many of us. Now, I want to share a caregiver’s story and a manual for caregivers. I wouldn’t wish dementia, in any of its forms, on anyone. And my heart breaks for the husbands, wives, and adult children who are losing their loved ones to dementia. All I can offer you is their stories and maybe a few manuals for caregiving.

I’ve paired a couple books together, one entitled, “My Two Elaine’s,” by Martin, Schreiber, and “Dementia for Caregivers.” by Renee Phillippi. As the titles imply, this is more a story about caring for people with Alzheimer’s.

I read the story that Schreiber wrote about his wife, Elaine. Marty Schreiber was the thirty-ninth governor of Wisconsin. He and Elaine met in high school and raised four children. Side by side, they crafted a wonderful life together until in 2005, when Elaine was diagnosed with Alzheimer/s Dementia. He writes,

“My first Elaine and I shared love, hope, happiness, and dreams. As she became my Second Elaine, the dreams turned into nightmares, because I was losing her. Happiness became hopelessness. Grieving and health issues (including depression and anxiety) replaced joy.”

There is a progression of hopelessness throughout his book and here are the words and phrases that jumped out at me.

Maintaining a sense of humor.
Fragile, my constant helpmate became dependent on me.
Dreams turned into nightmares.
The most fearful time may be when they know they are losing their mind.
She was having trouble remembering.
Your partner will become someone you don’t know.
No one survives.
Your spouse is going to get worse, mentally and physically.
Chronic stress experienced by caregiver may shorten their lives.
She had lost all interest in reading, making photo albums, sleep, baking…
I was too exhausted to go…
The blame game is always underway.
The risk comes in blaming herself.
Trapped and hopeless.
I felt cheated.
We learn on our own again.
Alzheimer’s makes most people uncomfortable.
Alzheimer’s continues to squeeze the memory out of Elaine.
When you are not prepared, brace yourself for moments of frustration.
One of the most painful losses for couples affected by Alzheimer’s is not being able to really talk about the kids or grandkids.
I have received the phone call from my bewildered wife, lost while driving.
I can be considered a survivor of Alzheimer’s because it is a disease with two patients.
I began to seriously wonder how much longer I can live with my wife.
Her illness is causing her to have more than one person can handle.
She lacks awareness of all she has lost. Her independence, her memories, her future.

She is not upset by the fact that she lives in a care facility and wears an adult diaper.

Elaine Schreiber died at 82 in a memory care assisted living center. Martin and Elaine lived with Alzheimer’s for 17 years.

I hope you can feel the pain that Martin and Elaine felt throughout those 17 years.

Dementia for Caregivers, by Renee Phillippi

This is a manual that I would wish, for any family members struggling with a loved one experiencing Alzheimer’s, to have read. I do not want any of you or your loved ones to experience Alzheimer’s. 

And listen to me for a second, nobody is going to look for a manual that provides instructions on giving care to a loved one with dementia when in all likelihood neither you nor your partner or parent is going to develop Alzheimer’s Dementia. 

Just in case, you know, the worst case scenario, here’s an excellent guide or manual for caring for your loved one. Most of what you will experience is challenging behaviors. As a Behavior Analyst, I know a little bit about this. I’ve written hundreds of behavior plans to support individuals with developmental or intellectual disabilities. 

Prevention is always the best approach when working with challenging behaviors and caring for individuals with Alzheimer’s. Phillippi has provided a prevention plan, of sorts, in chapter 6. It’s good. I’ll share the main points.

First, before trying to understand your loved ones behavior you should focus on establishing a relationship of mutual trust and respect.

Second, realize that your loved one is not purposely trying to upset you. Most of the behavior reflect ways that their confused brain is trying to explain external phenomenon they struggle to understand.

Third, sometimes behaviors are caused by specific objects or people that can trigger the behaviors from your loved one. This is what I mean by antecedent interventions. Remove all the objects from their sight that remind them of an upsetting or discomforting event.

Fourth, best way to redirect someone’s intention is to engage them in activities that make them feel helpful. Keep your loved one engaged in meaningful activities.

Fifth, take care of yourself. Don’t ever forget that you’re the solid rock of the team and you must look after yourself more than ever. Phillippi gives numerous examples of ways of taking care of yourself.

Six, mentally (or actually) record what happens. Life is a constant learning experience. We don’t need to continue having the same problems. We can learn and change the environment and change the behavior. Develop a plan. Follow the plan.

Seventh ask for help when needed. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and look after your own mental health.

There is lots more in Phillippi’s book and I highly recommend it.

There are transitional moments in our lives when we make choices like marriage, having children, investing, and retirement. And there are lots and lots of books and manuals for those periods in our lives. 

I’m sure many of you have read books on those topics. 

None of us will choose Dementia. And believe it or not, in some cases vascular dementia is preventable. That’s not the case with Alzheimer’s, Lewy body Dementia, and Frontal Temporal Dementia. 

If, God forbid, you or a loved one gets diagnosed with one of these diseases, here are a couple of good books that will illumine the dark road ahead of you. 

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.

Healthy Aging Series Season 10 Episode 15

On the Shortness of Life | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E15

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I’m sitting at my campsite in the Red River Gorge. It’s mid-spring, which means it’s going to rain all night. No worries. I’m prepared. I have a microfiber tarp that weighs about 1 pound. And of course a Marmot tent. I’ll stay dry until I head back to the trail head in the morning.
As I write this, a Great Horned Owl is calling out. I answer. One more checks in. I love it! Maybe it’s a Barred Owl. Now, there are three.

I am on a Yolo-Solo backpacking trip this weekend. Just one night. By myself. Solo.
I’m always a little apprehensive about solo trips. Nobody to talk to, teach, and cook for. And then there are the safety issues. But I have a Garman-InReach satellite communicator and I’m in great shape. Plus, there are some people nearby that I can see camping. A man and his two young sons. And the Barred Owls. But this is a Yolo-Solo backpacking trip. So I brought  with me a copy of “On the Shortness of Life,“ by Seneca, the Roman Stoic philosopher. I’ve read it before and so I’m guessing that’s why I’m here. In the gorge. By myself. Because life is short. Life is short. Or is it. Seneca writes, “Life is long enough, and it has been given in sufficient, generous measure to allow the accomplishment of the very greatest things if the whole of it is well invested.” 

Seneca had a checkered past. For most of his life he was Nero’s advisor. And then he was banished by Nero until Nero ordered him to kill himself at age 67. But during his last two years he wrote many letters and the pamphlet “On the Shortness of Life.” He was my age when he wrote this essay. How does one invest in life well? I’ll summarize his thoughts.

First, Seneca encourages us to have a guiding principle to live by. He says that many people are “plunged by the fickleness of their plans that are never ever new; some have no fix principles by which to direct their course.”
I remember the movie “City, Slickers” where Mitch Robbins, played by Billy Crystal, is having a midlife crisis. He’s financially successful, and has a wonderful family, but in distress, so he is persuaded by his friends to join them at a dude ranch. He meets a grizzly cowboy named Curley Washburn, played by Jack Palance, who sees his distress. 

Curly: Do you know what the secret of life is?
Curly: This.  <He holds up one finger>.
Mitch: Your finger?
Curly: One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest of your life don’t mean shit.
Mitch: But what is the one thing?
Curly: <Smiling> That’s what you have to find out.

I think that was what Seneca was saying. My guiding principle is the Golden Rule. I think almost every issue, and every question that you have in relationships, in work, and in business are answered by following that guiding principle. Can you have more than one guiding principle? Of course. But have one.

Second, when it comes to considering the shortness of life, Seneca tells his readers to not allow others to trespass on their lives.
OK, ask yourself, “How many have robbed you of your life when you weren’t aware that you were being robbed?

People will steal your time. You have a limited amount of energy, time, and optimism. Don’t let people steal them. Be intentional about your friendships. Refuse to be a landfill for people’s rubbish. People will dump on you all of the problems that you allow. I know this sounds harsh, but there is only so much of you to go around. Family, friends, work, social groups need you and your time, and if you fritter it away with bystanders, and those that are always needy, then you will have nothing to invest in those that count. Think about social media, and how it steals your time.

Third, Seneca encourages us to “adopt ourselves into other people’s lives, that will open us to the path of immortality, and will raise us to a height from which no one is cast down.” Find people who will help you become a better person. And then, be willing to be that person. I try to be one of those people for my wife, my sons, and my friends. As you age, it gets tough, but not impossible. Your adoptee might be younger than you, but having an adoptee in your life adds instead of detracts from it.

Four, Seneca believed that in light of the shortness of life we need to reflect on all aspects of it. “Don’t forget the past,“ he writes, “or neglect the present, or fear the future.” I love this. If people practiced this, or learned the skill of reflecting, I would mostly be out of a job. I’ll break this concept down more in an upcoming blog.

Five, practice “Serenity Now!” I’ve watched Seinfeld episode #159 where Mr. Costanza was advised by his doctor, based on his self-help relaxation tape, to say “Serenity now!” every time he gets angry, to keep his stress and blood pressure down. But of course, he yells it at the top of his lungs along with his animated hand gestures. Try it. “Serenity now!!” Not quite what Seneca wanted but he warns his readers about the stress and anxiety that come from pursuing prosperity and come from being with the crowds. In contrast to Frank Costanza, Seneca advises us to withdraw into a peaceful harbor. My peaceful harbor is the Jefferson Memorial Forest. My peaceful harbor is the high desert of Utah. My peaceful harbor is the Grand Canyon in Arizona. And it is sitting on my deck quietly, calming my mind, paying attention to the present. My peaceful harbor includes spending those quiet moments with my wife and my kitties.

Six, Seneca writes, “In this kind of life there awaits much that is good to know, the love and the practice of virtues, forgetfulness of the passions, knowledge of living and dying, and a life of deep repose.”

He advocates, humility, against pride, kindness against envy, abstinence against gluttony, chastity against lust, patience against anger, liberality against greed, and diligence against sloth
I think this is the kind of life that Seneca was encouraging his readers to engage in.

Seven and finally, Seneca encouraged his readers to enjoy the life that they have now. It seemed that there was a crowd that spent much of their life crafting an epitaph that would be on their tombstone. Some had gone so far as to have a tombstone erected with the pre-inscribed epitaph. Epitaphs that matter are the people that you have touched while you lived. Be less worried about what people think of you after you’re gone and more concerned about how people feel about you now.

I’ll be Seventy in less than two years.  I have a certain kinship with Seneca. Life is short, but long enough to accomplish what you want to do if you invest it well. 

One question I have for you is, “Are you investing your life well?” I encourage you to pick up his small pamphlet and read it. And then use it as a guide for making the most of what you have left.

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.

Healthy Aging Series Season 10 Episode 14

Your Brain on Alcohol | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E14

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I have read “Lonesome Dove,” by Larry McMurtry, at least five times. In the opening scene, Gus McCray saunters out to the well house to fetch his jug of Tennessee Whiskey. It’s been a long hot day in south Texas. The sun is setting, and he sits on the porch, takes a couple of long gulps from his jug, getting, as he described it, a little misty. That was his daily ritual.

I love that scene. I love the character that McMurtry created. He’s an aging man, enjoying his life and his daily drink in the evening. I confess that I like that evening, misty feeling that I get from a dinner cocktail, pint of beer, or a glass of wine. 

Things changed about five or six years ago when I started wearing a Fitbit that tracks my sleep. I started noticing that my heart rate did not drop as much or as quickly when I had even one drink, regardless of the time of day. It really didn’t go up; it just took a good part of the night to drop down to the low 50s. Eating sugar before retiring also delayed my heart rate from dropping. 

I’m going to spend some time later in this season on the topic of “Your Brain on Sleep,” so save your sleep-questions for later. Of course, the real question is this: Is this effect on my heart rate a problem? I read an article by a cardiologist (New York Times), and they suggested that it wasn’t a problem, but it kind of makes you wonder, as Squirrely Dan from Letterkenny suggested.

Alcohol is Poison

And then there was the Huberman Lab Podcast that I was listening to a couple of years ago where Dr. Andrew Huberman, a neurologist, called alcohol a poison. Yes, he said, if you drink chronically, you will experience neurodegeneration or loss of white and gray matter. Therefore, you should not drink alcohol at all. Alcohol is evil. There is no option other than complete abstinence. Amen.

Here’s a confounding question: Regardless of what you do, or don’t do, eat, or don’t eat, drink or don’t drink, you will lose white and gray matter as you age. The answer is yes. Dr. Huberman isn’t the only medical or mental health professional advising absence, and there are lots of studies,  studies highlighting the deleterious effect of drinking alcohol, especially as we age. 

But there are voices out there that advocate mild to moderate drinking, suggesting that it lowers the risk of everything from stroke to Alzheimer’s Dementia, and that drinking wine is associated with a longer life. Consider the Mediterranean Diet that is touted by many, many, many health professionals that allows for two glasses of red wine daily. And there are several longitudinal studies that suggest drinking alcohol, within reason, is good for you. I’ve read all of the studies or at least most of them. Here are my takeaways:

First, heavy, chronic drinking, is detrimental to your health and mental health. The National Institute of Health advises that if you drink daily, you can have one or two drinks daily. That’s 14 drinks per week.  If you drink less than daily, you can have three drinks, with the caveat that you consume those drinks on a one-drink-per-hour-basis. Still, the 14 drinks per weeks is still in effect.

I don’t want to get lost in the details here, I just want to find common ground! Chronic, heavy drinking is not good for you. Can we all agree on that?

Second, if you are a light to moderate drinker, diet, exercise, and sleep, will have a greater impact on your life than whether or not you drink and by that I mean light to moderate drinking. This also applies to your brain health. Exercising your brain will affect your brain health more positively than the negative effects of alcohol. There are three variables to consider when drinking. 

One, heavy drinkers are more likely to be smokers, which will likely increase mortality. 

Two, wine drinkers are more likely to be more educated, more health conscious, and less obese, which means less diabetes, which means a decrease in risk of early mortality. I suspect that those that have been lifetime abstainers or former drinkers are more health conscious, which again skews the data toward decrease risk of mortality. Dr. Peter Attia was interviewed about his book on healthy aging, “Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity,” and was asked if there was one thing that he would want people to take away from his book, what would it be? His answer: exercise.

Third, there are social benefits to light and moderate drinking. Alcohol isn’t just a social lubricant, but it is also a social adhesive for many aging people. Social isolation can contribute to a decrease in quality of life and maybe sharing a glass of wine with family and friends can serve as a buffer to that isolation.

My Break Up With Alcohol

I made the decision to break up with alcohol on February 27, 2024, six months ago. I based that decision, not on the health issues, whether it was poison or not, or on longevity. Well, maybe my health issues played a small role. So, why did I stop drinking?

First, a book that had a big impact on my use of alcohol was, “This Naked Mind,” by Annie Grace. Her book got me to think about my drinking and, in those very honest moments, I decided that I didn’t enjoy drinking. I enjoyed the taste and those initial moments following my first drink, but I did not, did not, enjoy the physical effects that followed 20 or 30 minutes following that first drink. Honestly, I felt like crap. So, I decided to stop drinking.

Second, I realized that I couldn’t do the things that I enjoyed doing if I had a drink in the evening. I couldn’t focus on reading and writing. I just wanted to go to bed. Reading and writing are important to me, so I decided to stop drinking.

Third, prior to my decision to stop drinking, I attempted to manage my use of alcohol. Ask anyone who knows me. All I ever talked about was managing my alcohol use. I would have a plan, and then the plan would go amuck. I would tell myself that I would only drink 3 or 4 times a week, and then drink every day. 

Part of my frustration was my inability to control something in my life, and that something was alcohol. 

So, I decided to stop drinking. Believe it or not, it has been easier to not drink then it was to manage or control my alcohol use.

Intentional drinking

Considering what I’ve just shared, how should you drink? Is alcohol poison?

When we label alcohol as a poison, we make no progress in helping people drink responsibly and intentionally.

If you’re going to drink intentionally…

First, make the decision to drink within the guidelines of the National Institute of Health:  (Men) 2 drinks if you drink daily, 3 drinks if less than daily. (Women)  1 drink daily, 2 drinks if less than daily. (For men and women) 1 drink per hour. 

Second, if you’re going to drink, exercise 150 minutes a week, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, get 7-8 hours of sleep, and socialize with family and friends.

Third, do I need to mention, if you’re going to drink, don’t smoke cigarettes.

I’m writing this while flying to Denver to visit family. I am wearing my Air Buds with noise reduction. I love them. I hear only the music from my iPhone, mostly. If you’re going to drink intentionally, you need to use  some form of noise reduction and silence the voices that are out there pontificating on the evils of alcohol, or the miraculous benefits of alcohol, and simply live, and enjoy life, and be a little bit like my hero, Gus McCray, who had a healthy routine of getting a little misty as the sun set on Lonesome Dove.

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.

Healthy Aging Series Season 10 Episode 13

Reflecting on, “Gentle on my Mind: In Sickness and in Health with Glen Campbell,” by Kim Campbell | Healthy Aging Series: S10 E13

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Healthy Aging Series Season 10 Episode 13, True North

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was the Canary Fairy. The proof is the picture. I was a senior at Boonville High School, and it was a skit called “The Tale of the Magic Weenie.“ I loved it! So much fun! Someone once said that life is a stage and we are just actors… stop, I know who wrote that :-). I was acting then and now I guess I am acting on life’s stage. 

The Third Act

I was drawn to a TED talk by Jane Fonda on aging. It was called “The Third Act,” referring to the last third of our lives. She described it as a time of pulling loose ends together. The Third Act is a time of discovering how you became who you are. It’s a time of inner exploration, a time of growth, but, unfortunately, it’s not for some. I read Kim Campbell‘s story of her husband, Glen Campbell. It’s a story in three acts. Glen Campbell died from the effects of Alzheimer’s Dementia. Dementia took away most of his third act. He was still a character performing, but without a script, without memory, and without a hint of who he was.

The First Act

Glenn Campbell’s first act was full of chaos, lots of fame, and fortune. He sold 50 million albums.
He performed with Fleetwood Mac, Kris Kristofferson, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, and Waylon Jennings. He was a familiar face at the White House. He spent most of this act abusing alcohol. Kim writes, “For three days Glen had been drinking around the clock. On the fourth day I woke at 8 PM. Glen was still passed out cold. I put on my pink robe, tied my belt around my belly, six months large with child, and made my way to the kitchen to find something to eat. I walked a careful path around a food-and-obstacle-course of empty booze, bottles, wine bottles, dirty dishes, and empty pizza boxes. Despite the carnage in the kitchen, the morning felt quiet and calm in contrast to the wild night that had proceeded it.”

About another incident she writes, “One night I saw that Glen stumbled into the bathroom naked. I pretended to be asleep. I did this often because I feared that if he knew I was awake, he would begin to rant and keep me up all night. When he did not return, I got up and checked on him only to find him passed out on the cold tile floor. When I saw him lying there, a story he told me about Willie Nelson’s first wife passed through my mind. Martha was so sick of Willie passing out drunk every night that she tied him up in bed sheets and beat the hell out of him with a broom handle.  As tempting as that sounded at the time, I followed what I had learned which was rather than waking Glen up and maneuvering him into bed or putting a pillow under his head and a blanket over him, I left him lying in all his indignity.  He came to bed, shivering cold, and hungover.”
Of course, there were wonderful moments. The birth of his children. Wonderful friendships. His faith experiences. But it was also a time of instability and unpredictability. That was Act One.

Act Two

Kim Campbell describes Act Two as Campbellot.
Really, it was Glen who referred to himself as the king of his little kingdom, he called Campbellot. In Act Two, he walked away from alcohol and drugs. It was the late 1980s.
“Writers wiser than me,” she writes, “have said most stories naturally breakdown into three acts. If that’s the case, I see Glen’s embrace of sobriety as a happy conclusion of the first phase of our life together. The second phase, a gloriously happy one, is about maturation. As we grew in our faith and our love for each other, we finally began to bear the fruit of the spirit. We matured as a couple and as children of God.”

Later she writes, “Winters were in Phoenix, summers in Sedona, the children growing healthy and strong, tour dates everywhere from Seattle to Sydney. Life was serene. Our faith deepened and our spiritual studies intensified.”

The Third Act

Unfortunately, the Third Act brought the return of chaos, instability, unpredictability, and confusion. But this time it wasn’t alcohol; it was Alzheimer Dementia.

Glen was diagnosed in 2010 at the age of 74, but the disease had shown itself years earlier. Alzheimer’s shortened Glen’s Third Act, or rather robbed him of it! I often tell people that you have to prepare for the last 10 years of your life, for your Third Act, but there is little that can prepare you for Alzheimer’s Dementia.

There are preventable types of dementia. Vascular Dementia is typically caused by a stroke. Strokes are 80% preventable by working on your cardiovascular health through a good diet and exercise and decreasing inflammation. I’ll have a complete episode later on inflammation.

True Grit

I watched a documentary about Glen (“Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me”), about his final tour in 2012, and I watched the 1969 version of True Grit as part of my preparation for this episode. He died in 2017. The book and the movie help fill in the blank spaces. They both celebrate Glen’s life. Glen plays Texas Ranger La Boeuf in the film. The La Boeuf character is full of Texas wisdom. He and Maddie Ross are sparring and talking to Rooster Cogburn while Rooster is intoxicated.

Mattie Ross: I will not bandy words with a drunkard. 

La Boeuf: That’s real smart. You’ve done nothing when you’ve bested a fool. 

True grit is a movie full of true grit. Maddie. Rooster. LaBeouf. They all showed tenacity in the face of adversity. Watch the documentary and the movie!

I think Kim, Glen, and their family showed true grit. True grit comes from love and compassion. I don’t read these dementia memoirs to experience the tragedies, I read them to witness the grit and tenacity that people show in the face of adversity.

TO READ MORE ENTRIES IN THE HEALTHY AGING SERIES, CLICK HERE.