Tag Archive for: intimacy

emotional safety

Safety in Intimate Relationships: Emotional Safety

Emotional safety is essential in our relationships with others. How do you know if you’re emotionally safe in a relationship?

  1. You can talk to your partner about emotional subjects without worrying about how they’ll react.
  2. Your concerns are taken seriously by your partner.
  3. A partner doesn’t use things you’ve told them in confidence against you.
  4. Your partner doesn’t share things you’ve told them in confidence without your permission.
  5. You can tell your partner about something that they’ve said/done that has upset you without them becoming angry or upset with you.

Emotional safety is just one component of relationship safety. Stay tuned for additional safety in intimate relationships information!

Note: If you are feeling unsafe in your relationship, please reach out to The Domestic Violence Hotline or your local domestic violence organization. You deserve to be safe in your relationships.



Things We Don’t Talk About: Sex and Intimacy

Part of a continuing series of “Things we don’t talk about,” also known as “Why people are in therapy” and “the elephant in the room.”

My mentor, Don Pitts, taught me that “behind every complaint, there’s a request,” so each time I meet with someone who complains about something their partner has (or hasn’t) done, I think about Don. I may need a button that I can press that just has me saying, “Have you talked to your partner about that?” Either (a) it hasn’t occurred to them to talk to their partner about the thing, or (b) they don’t know how to start that sort of conversation. Either way, it can result in unmet needs and resentment that builds up and strangles the relationship.

In order to have an enjoyable, healthy sex life, there must be a foundation of mutual trust and respect. Open communication requires safety: emotional, physical, intellectual, and commitment. (That’s a series for another time!) If any of these areas is a challenge in your relationship, I strongly suggest working on that before attempting to increase sex and intimacy. Once you’ve done that, however, one way to start talking to your partner about sex and intimacy is through taking online quizzes together. Sometimes, this can bring up new ideas, or increase your emotional intimacy through shared information.

There are many resources available to help increase sexual intimacy between partners, but the most important thing you can do for your relationship is to communicate freely and respectfully—both in and out of the bedroom!