Tag Archive for: couples therapy

Seasonal Affective Disorder or Seasonal Depression is Common

Darkness Approaching… How to Manage Seasonal Depression (SAD)

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Seasonal Depression, also referred to as seasonal affective disorder or SAD, is approaching us with the start of fall! 

Do you notice you are sadder in the winter months? 

Do you experience more social withdrawal, irritability, or less enjoyment in winter? 

If so, is this a pattern in your life? 

The American Psychiatric Association explains the relation to a biochemical imbalance in the brain caused by fewer hours of daylight and less sunlight. It’s not you. It’s winter! 

What can you do?

  1. Find ways to connect with friends and family! 
    • Connection fights depression! 
  2. Schedule time to get as much sunlight as possible. 
    • Consider waking up earlier or taking breaks to get outside when the sun is shining! 
  3. Exercise 
    • Endorphins make us happy! Whether that’s hitting the gym, walking/running outside, or yoga in your living room. Exercise is very helpful! Research tells us the benefit includes: improving your brain health, helping manage weight, reducing the risk of disease, strengthening bones and muscles, and improving your ability to do everyday activities.
  4. Check-in with your diet 
    • Are you eating balanced meals? According to the CDC, “People with healthy eating patterns live longer and are at lower risk for serious health problems such as heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and obesity. For people with chronic diseases, healthy eating can help manage these conditions and prevent complications.” 
  5. Check your Vitamin D levels with a doctor’s visit! 
    • Requesting a blood work panel could indicate you may have a vitamin D deficiency impacting your mood. 

Finally, consider talking with a therapist to help manage your symptoms and decrease the inner darkness. 

This blog was written by Meredith Edelen, MFT Associate, CSW. As a welcoming, empathic, curious and strengths-focused psychotherapist, Meredith believes everyone needs a collaborative and safe space. To learn more about Meredith or schedule an appointment with her, click here. 

Trust Based Relational Intervention, TBRI, explains an alternative way to handle siblings in a conflict.

A Way to Manage Sibling Conflict

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Trust Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) explains an alternative way to handle siblings in a conflict. The main goal of this intervention is to have your child:

1) stop telling on their sibling to promote healthy relationships, 

2) teach your child accountability, and 

3) manage conflict healthily.  

Now how do we get there?

  1. The caregiver says, “I want to know what you did” or “What did you do?”
  2. Repeat that phrase as many times as it takes until the child tells you what they did, not their sibling.
  3. After the siblings have both shared what they did, the caregiver responds with, “Thank you for telling me what you did; now, how can we do this better? Can we try again?”
  4. Have your children “redo” the situation.
  5. Move on.

There is no “punishment” or “consequence” – we prompt children to redo situations in a healthier way.

Additional options and concepts: 

  • You may need to remove the children from the space to a neutral or different setting. 
  • You may try prompting everyone to take a deep breath before the conversation. 
  • You may separate children and go from one sibling to the next, then bring the sibling unit together for a redo. This ideally is immediately after a fight, argument, or incident. 
  • Prompt with choices if necessary. “You can ____, or you can _____”. 

Siblings have conflict, and this cannot be avoided. But how your children learn, grow, and respond to these experiences matters. Stay connected to both children when using this intervention. Try speaking calmly and maintaining eye contact. If you need help managing sibling conflict, additional ideas could be looking into family therapy! 

This blog was written by Meredith Edelen, Marriage and Family Therapy Associate, LSW. Learn more about Meredith and her work here. 

What to expect from a first therapy session.

Never Been to Therapy Before? Here’s What To Expect

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Beginning therapy for the first time can come with many questions, potentially making you feel overwhelmed. Here to help with that are 5 things to expect from a first therapy session.

1. Meet your therapist

The therapist-client relationship is one of the most important aspects of therapy. Determining whether client and therapist fit is a two-way street. Do you feel comfortable with this person? Do you feel heard? Could you give this person a try? 

2. Go over policies, procedures, housekeeping

Confidentiality is your right to privacy. Duty to warn maintains people’s safety. Your therapist will go over what those mean in more detail. Any other housekeeping needs- where is the bathroom, waiting room, what to do if you’re running late, etc.

3. Intake

An intake is your therapist’s way to get to know as much about you as possible.

What might be asked? What brings you to therapy, family history, medical conditions, abuse/trauma history, relationships, past treatment, strengths, goals, and more!

Not sure where to start? Your therapist will guide you.

Don’t feel comfortable sharing so soon? Your therapist will be patient and you can disclose as little or as much as you feel comfortable.

4. Wrapping up & Next steps

Your therapist will end with discussing the next steps such as scheduling a follow-up session or call, scheduling ongoing therapy, giving referrals, etc.

What’s a referral? There is a chance you are not at the right therapist for your specific needs. If that’s the case, that is okay! Your therapist could provide you with a list of suggested other options for ongoing treatment. Maybe it’s a specialized clinic or someone else who meets your availability needs. A referral is your therapist’s way of finding a better fit or service for you.

5. Yay, you did it! — Cue emotions & thoughts

Once you have taken the step to seek out therapy services you may feel a variety of emotions. Happy, proud, overwhelmed, upset, stressed, or more. You may discuss topics you haven’t in years. You may discuss difficult times in your life. You may feel overwhelmed with the process. These are typical and okay! Take this one step at a time and remember you are NOT ALONE.

Meredith is a Marriage and Family Therapy Associate in Indiana and Kentucky, a Clinical Social Worker in Kentucky, and a Licensed Social Worker in Indiana. She sees clients in person and via telehealth.

how therapists are trained

How Therapists Are Trained

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Jennifer Kendrick here! Not only am I the clinical director at True North, but I’m also a supervisor for people seeking licensure in social work and marriage & family therapy. Many people don’t understand the differences between professions, or how the professions are trained. While the steps and regulations vary between jurisdictions, here is a basic overview.

Clinical Social Work

To become a clinical social worker, you have to first get a master’s degree in social work. This can take anywhere from two to three years, depending on the program. After graduating, you have to take a Social Work Master’s Exam, which has 170 questions (including 20 unscored pretest questions). After you pass that exam, you can practice as a clinical social worker. You’re not licensed yet, however, so you have to be supervised for a minimum of two years (in Kentucky and Indiana). Supervision is one hour per week (or two hours every two weeks), and is sometimes provided (read: paid for) by the social worker’s employer, but if it’s not, they have to pay out of pocket.

After accruing two years (or 150 hours) of supervision and 1,000 hours of client contact, the social worker is then eligible to take the Social Work Clinical Exam, which is another 170 questions (same deal with the 20 unscored pretest questions). At a minimum, by that point, your clinical social worker has spent 4 years training to serve you.

Fun fact! In Kentucky, “social worker” has title protection, which means that you can’t call yourself a social worker unless you have the required training and license.

Marriage and Family Therapy

To become a marriage and family therapist, the path is similar. You have to get a master’s degree, either in family sciences or couples & family therapy or in social work with specialized training in couples & family therapy. The path verges a bit after that. After graduation, marriage and family therapists in Kentucky and Indiana can apply for an associate’s permit, which means that they are practicing under the supervision of a fully-licensed marriage and family therapist. Like social workers, they have to be supervised for a minimum of two years (in Kentucky and Indiana). Supervision is one hour per week (or two hours every two weeks) and is sometimes provided (read: paid for) by the marriage & family therapist’s employer, but if it’s not, they have to pay out of pocket. (In Kentucky, there aren’t as many supervisors, so people often have to pay out of pocket for supervision.)

Fun fact two! Marriage and family therapists don’t just see people who are married! We see family constellations of all kinds—married, engaged, coupled, co-parenting, you name it!

Both clinical social workers and marriage and family therapists are therapists, which means that regardless of the letters after our names, we are here to help you address your mental health, relationships, and all of life’s seasons.

(Bonus fun fact! “Marriage and family therapist” also has title protection!)

find a therapist

How To Find a Therapist

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The good news is that people are (finally!) realizing the importance of mental health. The bad news for many people is that the prospect of finding a therapist is overwhelming to think about on the best of days and may feel insurmountable on the worst days.

But finding a therapist doesn’t have to be hard! Here are some tips:

Think about what your goals are.

Do you want individual therapy? Couple? Family? Group support? Medication management? All of the above? What you need may shape the best fit for you. (Only psychiatrists and nurse practitioners with a specialization in psychiatry can prescribe medication in most states, and most prescribers in our area want you to have ongoing therapy with someone.)

Insurance?

If you have health insurance, start with your insurance company. They can tell you not only who is in-network for you, but what your copay will be. This can take the headache out of knowing whether or not someone is covered by your insurance company.

Who do you know?

If you have a good relationship with your physician/general practitioner, ask them who they recommend.

Friends and family can be a good resource, but be careful about going to the same therapist as your friend. It may be more helpful to ask them what they like about their therapist. Maybe they like a very direct approach, and you know that you need someone a bit gentler! Also, be aware of conflicts of interest. All therapists’ codes of ethics, whether they’re social workers, psychologists, counselors, or marriage & family therapists, prohibit dual relationships. Your therapist’s job is to be objective, and if they can’t be objective between you and your friend who also sees them, it’s time to find a new therapist.

Remember, therapists are people, and, as such, what works for one person may not work for another. If you haven’t found the right therapist yet, don’t give up! There’s a Zen Koan (teaching story) about a man who goes to a master teacher at the top of the mountain. After a long, arduous journey, he reaches the top of the mountain, and he says, “Master, all my life I have looked for meaning, and I still have not found it!”

The master smiles and says, “Wonderful!”

The man becomes angry. “What do you mean, my unfulfilled quest is ‘wonderful’?!”

The master says, “It’s wonderful because you still have something to search for.”

commitment

Safety in Intimate Relationships: Commitment

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This is the fourth in a multi-part series on Safety in Intimate Relationships. Check out the previous blogs on Physical Safety, Emotional Safety, and Intellectual Safety!

When I have conversations with people about safety in intimate relationships, often the only thing that comes to mind is physical safety. However, safety encompasses more than that.

Here are some signs of commitment safety in a relationship:

  •  You’re certain about where you stand in your relationship.
  • You can communicate about your level of commitment.
  • Your levels of commitment are compatible. Neither one of you is moving faster than the other is comfortable with.
  • You can distinguish between promises and commitments. Promises are stated future intents regarding specific acts/events, while commitments are both demonstrated by behaviors and consistent thoughts and beliefs.

Safety in relationships is worth prioritizing!

Note: If you are feeling unsafe in your relationship, please reach out to The Domestic Violence Hotline or your local domestic violence organization. You deserve to be safe in your relationships.

intellectual safety

Safety in Intimate Relationships: Intellectual safety

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This is the third in a multi-part series on Safety in Intimate Relationships. (Check out the previous blogs on Emotional Safety and Physical Safety!) When I have conversations with people about safety in intimate relationships, often the only thing that comes to mind is physical safety. However, safety encompasses more than that. Here are some signs of intellectual safety in a relationship:

  • You have similar interests and hobbies, or can appreciate one another’s hobbies.
  • Your thoughts and interests can be shared with your partner without fear of ridicule.
  • Mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict can be found.
  • You feel supported in your goals and dreams for your life.
  • You can communicate openly and truthfully.

Safety in relationships is worth prioritizing!

Note: If you are feeling unsafe in your relationship, please reach out to The Domestic Violence Hotline or your local domestic violence organization. You deserve to be safe in your relationships.

emotional safety

Safety in Intimate Relationships: Emotional Safety

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Emotional safety is essential in our relationships with others. How do you know if you’re emotionally safe in a relationship?

  1. You can talk to your partner about emotional subjects without worrying about how they’ll react.
  2. Your concerns are taken seriously by your partner.
  3. A partner doesn’t use things you’ve told them in confidence against you.
  4. Your partner doesn’t share things you’ve told them in confidence without your permission.
  5. You can tell your partner about something that they’ve said/done that has upset you without them becoming angry or upset with you.

Emotional safety is just one component of relationship safety. Stay tuned for additional safety in intimate relationships information!

Note: If you are feeling unsafe in your relationship, please reach out to The Domestic Violence Hotline or your local domestic violence organization. You deserve to be safe in your relationships.

 

domestic violence

Safety in Intimate Relationships: Physical safety

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When I talk to people about feeling safe in their relationships, usually physical safety is the first thing that comes to mind. When someone says they feel unsafe in their relationship, we almost automatically assume that their partner is hitting them. However, physical safety goes deeper than that. Below are some red flags for physical safety:

  • My partner has drawn back a hand as if to hit me.
  • My partner has thrown objects around me, but not at me.
  • My partner has hit walls, tables, beds, or other objects when angry with me.
  • My partner has broken objects belonging to me.
  • My partner has hidden objects belonging to me (cellphone, keys, debit card, etc.)
  • My partner has verbally threatened to hurt me, pets, children, or themselves.
  • My partner has verbally threatened to call (or has called) welfare, immigration, or child protective services without justification.
  • My partner has displayed weapons to threaten me.

The two most dangerous times in a domestic violence relationship are when the abused partner attempts to leave and during pregnancy. On average, a person will attempt to leave an abusive relationship seven times before separating from their partner. But your safety and your life are worth it.

Note: If you are feeling unsafe in your relationship, please reach out to The Domestic Violence Hotline or your local domestic violence organization. You deserve to be safe in your relationships.

intimacy

Things We Don’t Talk About: Sex and Intimacy

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Part of a continuing series of “Things we don’t talk about,” also known as “Why people are in therapy” and “the elephant in the room.”

My mentor, Don Pitts, taught me that “behind every complaint, there’s a request,” so each time I meet with someone who complains about something their partner has (or hasn’t) done, I think about Don. I may need a button that I can press that just has me saying, “Have you talked to your partner about that?” Either (a) it hasn’t occurred to them to talk to their partner about the thing, or (b) they don’t know how to start that sort of conversation. Either way, it can result in unmet needs and resentment that builds up and strangles the relationship.

In order to have an enjoyable, healthy sex life, there must be a foundation of mutual trust and respect. Open communication requires safety: emotional, physical, intellectual, and commitment. (That’s a series for another time!) If any of these areas is a challenge in your relationship, I strongly suggest working on that before attempting to increase sex and intimacy. Once you’ve done that, however, one way to start talking to your partner about sex and intimacy is through taking online quizzes together. Sometimes, this can bring up new ideas, or increase your emotional intimacy through shared information.

There are many resources available to help increase sexual intimacy between partners, but the most important thing you can do for your relationship is to communicate freely and respectfully—both in and out of the bedroom!