Developing an Attitude of Gratitude

This is a guest blog written by Rommie Oshrieh Neese.

We were excited for a warm, sunny vacation. We planned the destination and time of year just right to “guarantee” a break from Kentucky’s arctic winter. Of course, we understand there are no guarantees, especially when it comes to Kentucky’s moody winter weather. Nevertheless, I found myself frustrated and disappointed that what was planned was not going to happen. At least, it didn’t look that way. I already knew that I wanted to write a thoughtful reflection on how our attitude towards life, people, even ourselves has a heavy and dramatic impact on our mental health, our sense of safety, our relationships, our quality of life. I wanted to tell everyone “how it really is”, rather “how it could be” if we simply adjust our attitude. So simple, right?

Or is it…

I wanted to inspire change by pointing out the shortage of gratitude and abundance of attitude that haunts people out of enjoying life in the now, that robs people from focusing on all they have going for them now, even when things aren’t going well. I wanted to convince my readers, perhaps myself, that I am able to shift my worrisome attitude into gratitude so that I may live and enjoy my best life regardless of circumstances. Turns out, I needed help with that. Turns out, my attitude towards things I cannot change, such as the sun and the rain, had the real potential of robbing me of experiencing MY life. Right now. MY choice to create memories with my darling husband. MY choice to decide what kind of day I’m going to have with the most important person in my life RIGHT NOW. STAT. MY attitude. I don’t like how that sounds. It doesn’t sound like me. Yet, here we are. Here I am.

Yep, I was fussy…

I fretted. It was cold and rainy. What were we going to do? It was an “outdoor” vacation. Statistically, in February, in the southwest corner of the US, it was supposed to be sunny and 75. It was rainy and 48. Could I adjust, or should I expect the weather to? I found it difficult to change my attitude and replace it with gratitude–gratitude for being there, gratitude for my husband, gratitude for what was ahead of us, which was technically unknown, regardless of the forecast, regardless of anything, really.

Uncertain about the week ahead, I noticed that I cared about what my husband was experiencing. I noticed that I cared about my impact on him. I noticed that I cared about how he felt. I knew he wanted me to enjoy our time together, our shared experiences in this special place. How can I do that if I’m complaining about “what is”? Eckhart Tolle describes this as resistance to the “Now”, to “what is”. The “Now” is the only time that really exists. Worrying about circumstances, the past, or future is in our mind alone. How we think about circumstances contributes to the suffering we experience.

So, do I want to suffer, least of all during my vacation? Do I want my husband to suffer with me?

I decided to choose the “Now”. The “Now” is my husband, our new journey and unfolding experiences, our memories, our happiness. The “Now”. The “Now” is what I want. It is what I have, and it is what I choose (to be grateful for). Rain or shine.

I’m not saying I wasn’t disappointed. I felt what I felt. But that too was a waste of energy because the weather changed! In fact, on days the forecast warned us of wind and rain, it was sunny and warm. It was rather unbelievable. Perhaps, it was due to our desert location, but whatever the reason, the frustration I felt was futile nonetheless.

So, what’s my point?

Did I get lucky? Had it continued to rain, had it continued to alter my “perfect” vacation, could I have managed to enjoy the “Now” whether or not the sun was on my side? Well, I believe it is in my nature to care about others. Therefore, my husband was the gratitude I focused on. I wanted to enjoy the time we had. I believe my thoughts changed my wiring. I’m determined to be grateful, if nothing else. Therefore, I practice gratitude every day. I remind myself how fortunate I am, regardless of my deficits or in spite of them. I don’t like to complain, and I don’t want to develop the habit of it. It’s a tough one to break. That is not to say I don’t fuss, same as everyone else, but I made a choice for gratitude. Shortly after, the weather changed its mind. We have something in common after all. Change.

I’m not one to offer unsolicited advice, but I can speak from experience that change takes time and commitment. I believe you have to want it. Some change is inevitable, whichever direction it goes. However, some change is facilitated by yours truly, and with that, comes choices. So, what’s it gonna be? Make one decision at a time, and then the next, and then the next. Those decisions will impact change, gratitude, attitude.

My husband uses a mantra to “adjust to the things that will not adjust to you”. For that, I am grateful. I will choose to make decisions that will promote the life I want–an abundance of gratitude and a serious shortage of attitude. MY choice leads me to peace, happiness, contentment, and safety. It increases my ability to make a difference in the life of others. That matters to me.

What matters to you? What do you want out of your life? How are you going to get there?

~Rommie Oshrieh Neese