Things Not to Say to Someone Who Has Experienced A Pregnancy Loss
You can always have another.
Firstly, you don’t know that for certain. Secondly, they wanted this child. The prospect of another somewhere down the road doesn’t mitigate that loss.
Now you have an angel watching over you (or God must’ve wanted your baby in heaven).
While this may be comforting to some people further along in their healing process, it can also be incredibly hurtful. Even if someone finds comfort in their faith or religion, most will still feel that they would be happier if their baby were with them here on earth.
At least you didn’t know your baby.
For many pregnant people, their babies became real the moment they saw that second line or received a call from their doctor’s office. The idea that this death should affect someone less is false. A loss is a loss.
Did you do something you weren’t supposed to?
Someone who has experienced a pregnancy loss will probably already be asking themselves this. As I wrote in a previous blog on Pregnancy Loss, most miscarriages are for unknown reasons. Often, reproductive medicine physicians will not suggest an autopsy or tissue sample for fetal abnormalities until the third miscarriage. So just…don’t say this.
I understand how you feel.
Even if you have also experienced a pregnancy loss, everyone grieves differently. Grief is a journey, and if the loss is new, they may be in a very different place than you are.
So what can you say instead?
I’m sorry for your loss.
I care about you.
If you’d like to talk about it, I’m here.
AAMFT Approved Supervisor
Kentucky Board Approved MFT Supervisor
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Clinical Social Worker in KY
Licensed Clinical Social Worker in IN